Here's my plan for Michael Jackson Updates, Ya'll.

The Last Rehearsal

Honestly, I'm not TMZ. I supposed I could just cut and paste a minute by minute re-hash of what all the other big websites pump out regarding Michael Jackson, but 1.) I'm too lazy and 2.) I'm too lazy.

Seriously, though. I will probably just wait until the end of the day to post a daily update, if that's okay with everyone, because minor details change by the hour. If something HUGE comes up (like he's not really dead), I'll jump in with an urgent post.

Heads up for tomorrow, though. That 60-car motorcade from L.A. up to Santa Barbara (my favorite American city...wow, could I sound a little snootier? SNORT!), is going to be a complete cluster f&*k. I'll be surprised and there aren't any fatalities. Those Santa Barbara bitches will cut you if you set foot on their property. The dirty masses (their words, not mine) making the trek to view Michael's body (which I imagine will be encased in a glass coffin like "Sleeping Beauty") need to keep their eyes peeled for overly-tanned, tightly-facelifted, blonde bob-haired biddies driving luxury SUVs because they are ruthless.

So, who wants to give me $2500 for BOTH ORIGINAL "Off the Wall" and "Thriller" albums? That's what they are going for on the ebay! Can you believe that? They are hanging in our family museum (read: guestroom, dubbed "The Pop Culture Suite").

You know how to reach me.

I'm SUCH a Slacker!

My usual position.

I honestly don't know HOW these other bloggers do it...(yes I do--they have STAFF). I can't seem to blog and do other tasks during the day. It's one or the other, for the most part. Like today. Stephen and I are spending the weekend in Portland, Oregon. (Ya hear THAT, Mr. Robber?) I had to do laundry, shower and blow out my fabulous hair--THANK YOU , JAMES from Sugardaddy's!), comb my lovely eyelash extensions, make snacks, half-ass pack, take the dogs to the kennel, get my eyebrows waxed, fill up the car with gas, go to the fancy carwash where the cute boys hand wash your car, come home, finish half-ass packing (making SURE to forget to pack my necessary medications--awesome), you get the idea. I'm nutty. When I did try to blog, STUPID Internet Explorer decided it wouldn't allow me access to my own GD blog! So, I switched to Firefox but I can't read what I writing because the font is so tiny, and I don't know how to change it yet, so along with the usual amount of typos, I'm sure there is plenty of non-sensical crap to circle with your red correcting pen. (Sweet run-on sentence!)

Anyway. We're here in Portland and now we're gonna watch the fireworks on the river outside of our downtown hotel...because I'm too tired to walk across the street to watch. GOD, I'm an old biddy...but I prefer "slacker". It sounds younger.

Is it just me, or is Miss Adam Galmbert on TV waaaaay more than Kris Allen? He was all over Access Hollywood and EXTRA and Ellen. Kris WHO?? Funny stuff.

I'll try to do my best this weekend (look for me on Twitter, too), but don't expect miracles, ya'll.