Elin Woods jerked a knot in Tiger's tail.

The "perfect" couple.

Well, well, well. It was obvious to me that something stunk to high heavens about this whole Tiger Woods mess today. The main sticking point was the time it all transpired--2:20 a.m. Ain't nobody up to anything good at that hour when a woman is wielding a golf club while the Mister is tryna take off in his Escalade after (ALLEGEDLY) fighting about his (ALLEGED) cheating. Yikes.

Elin might look like a tiny little Swedish swimsuit model, but it sounds like she can smack a Tiger UP when confronted with evidence of cheatin'. Tiger was found on the ground after the accident with Elin "hovering over him". Apparently, he had scratches, lacerations and blood in his mouth.

via TMZ.com

"Tiger has yet to be formally interviewed by the Florida Highway Patrol -- that should happen this afternoon. But we're told Tiger had a conversation Friday -- with a non-law enforcement type -- detailing what went down before his Escalade hit a fire hydrant.

We're told he said his wife had confronted him about reports that he was seeing another woman. The argument got heated and, according to our source, she scratched his face up. We're told it was then Woods beat a hasty retreat for his SUV -- but according to our source, Woods says his wife followed behind with a golf club. As Tiger drove away, she struck the vehicle several times with the club.


We're told Woods became "distracted," thought the vehicle was stopped, and looked to see what had happened. At that point the SUV hit the fire hydrant and then hit a tree.

We're also told Woods had said during the conversation Friday he had been taking prescription pain medication for an injury, which could explain why he seemed somewhat out of it at the scene."

I'm very disappointed in Tiger. (And trying not to smirk about the irony of being chased by his wife with a golf club.)

Becks, Boys and Posh-teoporosis have family night at the Lakers game!

 The Beautiful Beckhams

 

 I may make fun of her,

but Posh is bloody GORGEOUS.

 

What else have you seen today

that's sweeter than this?

The Beckhams really are a lovely family, don't you think? I know. I make fun of Victoria, but it's really just out of a bit of envy sometimes, and I actually remember wearing a similar outfit to a Seattle Sonics game in 2007--stilettos and all. Those days are ovah.

I need to keep saying, "I'm better now; I'm EATING." 

But still.

Roman Polanski is caught by Chris Hansen on "To Catch a Predator"--lured by the sweet tea!

I know this supposed to be funny; I mean, I think it is. EVERYONE wants to see Roman Polanski questioned by Chris Hansen from To Catch a Predator on NBC. This mash-up of an old interview with the serial pedophile and "respected auteur" along with bits of Chris Hansen doing his best "I'm Chris Hansen".  Funny stuff.


What's not so funny is how un-effing-remorseful Polanski seems.  He's NOT sorry, and feels he's done his time. After all, he can't help it that he has a thing for young girls. What's the problem??


God, I hate this piece of shit. I'd like to post the most current list of pro-child molesters in Hollywood (WHAT? Isn't that what they are??) for your perusal.

Isn't it ironic that even though it's an alphabetized list, Woody Allen is FIRST?

Woody Allen, Pedro Almodovar, Monica Bellucci, Gael Garcia Bernal, Bernardo Bertolucci, Ethan Coen, Robert Cohen, Penelope Cruz, Jonathan Demme, Stephen Frears, Terry Gilliam, Buck Henry, David Heyman, Larry Levine, David Lynch, Michael Mann, Jeanne Moreau, Alexander Payne, Brett Ratner, Isabelle Ruh, Julian Schnabel, Martin Scorsese, Tilda Swinton, Julie Turcas, Isabelle Adjani, Harrison Ford, Taylor Hackford, Isabelle Huppert, Jeremy Irons, Neil Jordan, Sam Mendes, Camille Meyer, Mike Nichols, Natalie Portman, Salman Rushdie, Kristin Scott Thomas, William Shawcross, Steven Soderbergh, Diane von Furstenberg, Margaret Walker, Scott Foundas

via (LA Weekly).

Eff ALL of you. We'll see how supportive you artistes are if your child is the victim of molestation--and judging by the size of the list, I'd say someone's kid already has been given that lovely opportunity. Nice.

Serena Williams on ESPN's Body Issue Cover - WOW

Serena Williams!!

Ever since the media's outrage regarding Serena Williams' rage (toward a line judge after what she felt was a bad call), I've sort of like her better. I know that sounds bad--but every time I see John McEnroe parodying his constant on-court temper tantrums in the NationalCar Rental commercials, it bugs me. Here we have yet another man being rewarded for his questionable behavior, while a strong woman was collectively reamed a new one by the media.

I do love that Serena's on the cover of ESPN's Body Issue. She looks strong, feminine and HAPPY. It's also cool that the editors didn't force her to make some dumb sexy face. 

Go Serena.    

Jon Gosselin empties joint bank account...oh, no he DITN'T!!

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

HELL to the no! That little bitch Jon Gosselin asswiped out over $230,000 from the joint bank account he has with Kate over the weekend. Now, in all fairness, he did leave Kate and his EIGHT MOUTHS TO FEED $1000. 

What's Kate bitching about? Oh, she'll fill you in. Watch the video. Oh, gurrrl.

Two Lohan posts in one day. (Eyeroll.)

ALI LOHAN is FIFTEEN years old!!

Is that Ali's dealer babysitter behind her?

When will someone--I don't care who--call The National Center for Missing & Exploited Children (1-800-THE-LOST) to help Ali Lohan out of her mess of a life?

Michael and Dina Lohan are shit for parents. Look at this FIFTEEN YEAR OLD daughter of theirs in Paris with their other sad daughter, Lindsay a couple of nights ago. ForpitySAKE.

How long before one or both of these girls end up dead in some stranger's apartment?

And Lindsay? Don't count on becoming iconic like your beloved Marilyn Monroe.

 

 Lindsay's trying to tell us something by 

displaying her arm like this, if you ask me.

 

We can see that you're still cutting yourself. NOT cool, man. Oh, in case you're wondering? The tattoo is a quote of Marilyn's: The wording, "Everyone's a star and deserves the right to twinkle," is surrounded by yellow, blue and green stars.

Tick tock....

 

 

Oh, Alanis Morrisette. Why?

If that's a toilet, I'm gonna be pissed off.

Wait. I already am.

In my best Nancy Kerrigan whine, WHYYYYYY? Is this what it's come to? Again?

Back in the day, Alanis Morissette never pandered to her audience by dressing like a poptart. But now, all of a sudden, she's hit 35 and feels the need to pull a Madonna on us with the typical hooker boots and open legs photos. Yeah. Awesome. 

I've always just sort of liked Alanis, but I loved Hands Clean, which is another song allegedly about the dude from Full House. They had a relationship while Alanis was 14 and he was 29. They were both living in Canada, where this would be a criii-immme (as she sings in Hands Clean.)

Well, gee. Now I feel guilty for liking this song. It does prove what an asshole Uncle Joey is, just like in You Oughta Know, every chick's favorite "angry song".

Maybe Alanis really does feel like all she's worth is her "outside". Sigh.

George Michael...ForpitySAKE.

What's REALLY wrong with this picture?

Is there any reason George Michael insists on driving himself? Oh yeah. Don't answer that...so, of course he was arrested yet again yesterday for another car accident of sorts:

via MSN:

"Music star George Michael was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence after being involved in a car crash in England, says the BBC.

The news agency says the 46-year-old singer's Land Rover and another vehicle collided, and police say Michael was arrested at the scene of the incident. After being held for five hours and questioned, he was released from police custody without charge.

On Saturday, the Associated Press reported that Michael issued a statement assuring fans that during the accident, he had been "stone cold sober." "

I say he was off his ass drunk, because why else would George-effing-Michael be wearing CROCS??

Oh, George. I'm so disappointed in you.

Bruce Willis and Demi Moore's Youngest Daughter Loves a Drinky-Poo

Scout Willis arriving at her
over-the-top 18th birthday party.

Tallulah Willis, not
completely drunk yet.

Tallulah, showing us her Drunkface!

Rumer, arriving in a
see-through flapper dress.

Bruce with his new child bride.

Demi, looking better than she
has a right to.

I highly doubt Ashton got any
footage of his youngest step-daughter
being completely inappropriate.

I'm the first one to say "hindsight is 20/20", so let me get that out of the way right now. I'm no one to throw stones, but I've got a good arm and the parents in this mess better DUCK. I tell ya what--that little drunken snip Tallulah Belle would be shipped off to a strict boarding school THIS MORNING, had I been the mother in this situation. I guess not everyone learns from their mistakes, do they Demi? Apparently, older sister Scout's 18th birthday was a big ol' 20's-themed boozy party, probably complete with bathtub gin on tap.

I love how Bruce, Demi and Ashton self-righteously pretend they are so on top of what their girls are up to in terms of underage drinking (and all the other stuff that goes along with raising teenagers). Remember when the "adults" weren't all that happy when Rumer (aka Chinny Chin Chin) was hanging out with Lindsay a couple years ago? I'm sure that did a lot of good. Pssh.

I actually think Demi is more like her role in "Bobby" than she'd care to admit. Remember the scene where she was all drunk, smoking and belittling Sharon Stone's character, while gittin' her hair did? Yeah. That one. Having said that, she'd looked fan-effing-TASTIC. Better, in fact, that Bruce's Demi-wannabe new child wife. Maybe that's what really matters?

While Ashton and Demi were busy video-taping one another, where was Tallulah? Gettin' her drink on and hitting on older men and showing her goodies, that's where. She's FIFTEEN. Last I heard, her last name wasn't LOHAN.

via The Socialitelife:

"They grow up so fast don't they? Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher along with Demi's ex-husband Bruce Willis and his new wife Emma Heming threw an 18th birthday bash their daughter Scout LaRue Willis' 18th birthday. The party took place at the Cicada restaurant in Los Angeles California this past Friday, July 17.

Scout's younger sister Tallulah Belle Willis was also at the party, and was acting like one of the grown ups. She was flirting with an older man, cocktail in hand and carrying around a timeless accessory her own pack of Marlboro lights! The 15-year-old concluded the evening by being escorted out (the Willis women love their drinky) by her friends who all carefully steadied her as she tried to avoid the watchful glare of step-dad Ashton Kutcher."

I'd love to have heard the conversation with that little girl the next day--assuming there was one.

Video of Michael Jackson's Last Rehearsal

As promised:





What do you guys think? I think Michael looks good. Thin, sure. He was always trim. It was a rehearsal, so he's not gonna give the white lightning performance he would give during a real concert...AND he was 50 years old. There's no way that after 40 odd years of dancing that he wouldn't have suffered some kind of joint and back pain. I could understand needing pain medication, I really could...but not anesthesia as a sleep-aid. That is the product of a horrible decision by a physician.

I'm watching Jermaine Jackson on Larry King at Neverland Ranch (and Larry's being his usual dorky, non-listening self--it reminds me of Martin Short's character, "Jiminy Glick, Celebrity Interviewer", who would say when asked about what makes a good interviewer: "I think listening is a mistake". Yeeesh, it's painful to watch, but Jermaine is doing well, given the circumstances.

I love how I said I was only going to post one update per day regarding Michael--and I think I've done, what THREE today? Four? I've lost count. Oh brother.

Michael Jackson's Body to be Taken to Neverland Ranch for Funeral

Michael Jackson's Funeral to be Held at Neverland Ranch

Is the west coast going to have its own Graceland? Sounds like it. Michael Jackson's body will be brought back to Neverland Ranch as early as Thursday of this week. There will be a public viewing and well as a private funeral this weekend.

via TMZ:

"We've just learned Michael Jackson's body is set to be driven to Neverland Ranch late Thursday morning.

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ upwards of a 30 car motorcade -- including Jackson's body -- will be traveling from Los Angeles to Neverland at 10 AM on Thursday.

We're told law enforcement is currently meeting to discuss security and traffic control. Our sources say plans are in the works for a public viewing to take place on either Friday or Saturday."

This story doesn't surprise me at all. Just more ways for the Jackson family to continue to mooch of Michael, if in fact, they do bury Michael at Neverland. I wonder if they will charge for tickets to enter the viewing of the body.

I'm just sayin'.