Oh, and just in case you didn't already know--Lindsay Lohan is a GENIUS.

This is the photo you'll find

next to the "genius" in the DICKtionary. 

Oh, Dina Lohan. Do you really think by saying crap like this that it makes up for neglected your kids? Because, it DOESN'T. Listen to the "Genius's" mom:

via Page Six:

"Furious Dina told Page Six yesterday: "I don't go -- like my ex -- on national television and make things up. He's estranged from Lindsay; he doesn't know what's going on in her life. Michael doesn't talk to her.

"I've had full custody (read: remissness) of all my children for the last 10 years. He has been incarcerated for some of that time, so whatever is going on in Lindsay's personal life is our business. And for him getting paid to say things about her when he's five months behind in child support is wrong."

When we asked if Lindsay does have addiction problems, Dina, who sounded tired and emotional, said, "I have no idea what he is talking about. I can't comment on everything my ex says." (Read: WHAT ABOUT MY NEEDS?)

Lindsay was also hurt by criticism of her debut Ungaro fashion line. Dina said, "The critics can say whatever they want, but Lindsay is a genius."

"Genius" behavior at its best.lind

Hold up. I needa catch my breath here. The last four words in the quote above nearly knocked the wind out of me. 

Jaaayzus wept. 

Today's Blind Item - Puker Edition

"Which uber-skinny Hollywood starlet can't seem to keep a thing down her throat apart from her fingers? The only thing that manages to stay down are the shots of vodka to keep her going through the day. Your extra clue: Wonder if this has anything to do with her recent break-up."

via [UK Mirror]

Remember this little confession in Vanity Fair Magazine awhile back?

“I think there's a lot of pressure, especially when you lose a lot of weight and then people are telling you that you look great, you're like ‘What? Did I look fat before?’” Lindsay said. 

The teen star spent about 7 months dropping pounds and admits that she made herself sick, until finally last May an intervention of sorts was called. “I had people sit me down and say ‘You're going to die if you don't take care of yourself.’”

Ahhh, yes. Lindsay, "taking care of herself".

 

Lady Gaga doesn't need Kanye's ego, thank you. Fame Kills Tour apparently DEAD.

 Lady Gaga clearly came to her senses.

 

 StupidKanyeWest.

Believe me. I am by no means a big fan of Lady Gaga, but GOOD FOR HER for pulling out of the Fame Kills Tour which featured both Gaga and that big a-hole Kanye West.

Do you blame her?  I think she can headline a huge tour on her own, and apparently she does, too.

via EW.com

"The whispers have been escalating in the media for several days, and now Live Nation has confirmed to EW that the Gaga/Kanye “Fame Kills” tour is officially off. Mediatakeout claims it’s Gaga who wanted out, not Kanye, even though she was singing his praises as recently as this week in a Las Vegas radio interview."

There are also "whispers" about Kanye needing to go to rehab. Is there such a thing as rehab for egotistical assholes? I'd love it if he took his drunk ass to Casa Palmera (casapalmera.com  y'all). I would love to be in on that shit. Hell, if Kanye had been there when I was for ED, I might've stayed longer. Can you even begin to imagine GROUP THERAPY - With Kanye West headlining from 9:30 a.m. to 11:30 a.m. (with a healthy snack break, of course). Ohhh...good times.

Because it's ALL about the funny. 

Tawny Kitaen Arrested Again for DUI

An old mughot of Tawny's 

from an earlier arrest

Here you go, again on your own, Tawny. (Cringe..sorry.)

This woman needs to hire a driver because she obviously won't fire her dealer or stop driving drunk.

via the OC Register:


NEWPORT BEACH – Tawny Kitaen, actress and ex-wife of former Angels pitcher Chuck Finley, was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence this afternoon.

Kitaen, 48, was arrested by Newport Beach Police at 3 p.m. She was released on a $2,500 bail.

It is unclear if Kitaen, of Newport Beach, was under the influence of alcohol, prescription drugs or both, said Newport Beach Police Sgt. Steve Burdette.

Kitaen was arrested near John Wayne Airport at Bristol North and Campus Street after being involved in a traffic collision. There were no injurues and no report on damages to either of the cars, said Burdette.

Kitaen was a cast member for season 2 of reality TV show, "Celebrity Rehab." Three years ago, Kitaen entered a drug rehabilitation program after pleading guilty to possessing 15 grams of cocaine.
She was arrested in 2002 on charges she abused her then-husband, former Angels pitcher Chuck Finley."

Oh, Tawny. You used to be stunning. Not just pretty--STUNNING. That wild mess of auburn hair, those legs doing cartwheels and splits on the two Jags in the beloved (?) 80's video Here I Go (Again on My Own) by Whitesnake.

Tawny and David, way back in the day.

Girl, you even married the gorgeous lead singer, David Coverdale (who still looks great, by the way--doesn't that just figure that the dude stays hot after all these years, but the chicks can't seem to?). Then it all went to crap...you dated OJ forpitysake, then married a baseball player and proceeded to beat the crap out him with your shoes...one arrest after another.


Sigh. Then came fewer roles, and then your were on Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew--but you didn't want to go to Sober Living. See what happened?

Here's a little something for everyone to remember how beautiful Tawny Kitaen was: 




But really, you were just one of many video ho vixens...except you actually had potential.

Remember the Blind Item that was SUPER-OBVIOUS?

 OhforpitySAKE, Lindsay.

Yeah. THIS one, which is from CDaN:

"This blind item is going to be phrased as a piece of advice. If you pay your drug dealer on time he won't break into your house and take your things. Just saying."

Could this be a big, fat REVEAL?? It seems several people who worked with Lindsay Lohan on Labor Pains, filmed last year, say they actually saw Nicholas Prugo hanging out on the set with her. Whaaaa?

"One person estimates she saw them together "at least 10 times."
Nicholas Prugo, 18, was arrested for cocaine possession in February. He was placed in a drug rehab program. He was also arrested last month for DUI. "

I still think that chick in the hoodie on the video of 
the um, "robbery", is Linds.

God, she's stupid.

David Hasselhoff? AGAIN with the drinking?? Jaaayzus.

The Hoff was carted off drunk a-bloody-gain?? 

What? Because America's Got Talent is done for this season and he went on yet another bender? Sick.

via TMZ.com 

"TMZ has learned David Hasselhoff was taken to the hospital Sunday night after his daughter sounded an alarm that he had been drinking to excess.

We've learned 17-year-old Hayley Hasselhoff -- who was at home with David -- called her mother Pamela, claiming David was extremely drunk. One of Pamela's friends called 911, paramedics arrived at the family's home in Encino and took him to the hospital."

Dude. That's just gross.

Tila Tequila is a little plastic liar.

Liar, liar PANTS on fire...

and not just from STDs. 

Y'all know I'll defend a bitch if I feel she's truly been smacked up (RIHANNA!)...I just don't feel this Little Tykes (Dykes?) Plastic Daycare Doll was ever telling the truth about Shawne Merriman "choking" her. (TMZ posted pictures of her purple eyeshadow "bruises" on her ARMS yesterday.)  

Please check out what Wendie (the best writer on Evil Beet ) had to say about this whole made-up piece of Lie Cake: http://evilbeetgossip.film.com/2009/09/07/no-charges-filed-after-tila-tequilas-abuse-allegations/

and


http://evilbeetgossip.film.com/2009/09/11/and-scene/



"San Diego Diego District Attorney Bonnie Dumanis will not be filing charges against Shawne Merriman of the Chargers. He was placed under citizen's arrest by Tila Tequila after he allegedly choked her and refused to let her to leave his apartment Sunday. Apparently no one bought it.. ESPN reports:

"After a thorough review of the investigation into the Sept. 6, 2009 incident at the Poway home of Shawne Merriman, our office has determined there is insufficient evidence to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that any crime was committed. The case is now closed."

Way to set back the very serious issue of domestic violence back a million years, Dumbass. Women have a hard enough time coming forth with very real cases of having the shit beaten out of them without skanks filing false reports like Tila Tequila apparently has done.

I swore I'd never talk about her on this blog, but this issue needs to be noted.


If you or someone you know is being abused, please contact The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) 1.800.787.3224 (TTY)
Anonymous & Confidential Help 24/7. Translaters are available.



Domestic violence is no joke.

Hold on to your effing hat--the Olsen Twins are SMILING.

 

Oh happy day!!

[photo by Patrick McMullan]

I haven't seen smiles THIS BIG on Trollsen Twins since their Full House days. I know, "how roooood". 

Check these two out at Bergdorf Goodman for Fashion’s Night Out on Thursday night. I wonder if there were little clear packets and prescription meds being passed around, too? 

Okay. That was just plain mean.

But seriously. Were they passing out party favors?

Oasis are F&*@ing Babies.

Fighty-Dogs, Liam and Noel Gallagher

These two buttholes make me wanna curse something fierce. Seems the naughty Gallagher brothers of Oasis have called it quits (again?).

via The Times Online (London):

"The Britpop pioneers Oasis have split up after Noel Gallagher, the lead guitarist and songwriter, said last night that he was quitting the group.

He and his brother Liam, the group’s lead singer, have long had a tempestuous relationship in the band, which released their first album 15 years ago and helped to lead the Britpop era in the mid-Nineties. It was this brotherly tension that reportedly led to the parting of ways.

Oasis had been due to perform at the Rock en Seine festival in Paris last night, but the crowd were told by Bloc Party, who were due to perform before Oasis, that the band would not be appearing.

Many of the crowd reportedly thought that the announcement was a joke until a message appeared on the big screens saying that Oasis would not be performing due to an “altercation within the band”.

The Scottish singer Amy Macdonald, who was playing in the festival last night, wrote on her Twitter page shortly after 9pm, “Oasis cancelled again with one minute to stage time! Liam smashed Noel’s guitar, huuuge fight!”

In an official statement on the band’s website, Noel, 42, wrote last night: “It’s with some sadness and great relief to tell you that I quit Oasis tonight. People will write and say what they like, but I simply could not go on working with Liam a day longer.

In an interview with NME magazine this month, Liam was asked if he would oppose Noel taking time off from the band to pursue a solo career. He said: “If it makes him happy, yeah, if it makes him happy.

“If it was up to me I’d have six months off and then get straight back in the studio and make records. That’s what I’m in Oasis for. I’m not here to f***ing sit around for five years twiddling my thumbs.”

Liam, 36, had taken to his Twitter page earlier this week to dispel rumours that the band were due to split and to apologise to fans at the V Festival.

As well as paying tribute to the bands who covered Oasis’s slot and apologising for having “given you sh*t” in the past, Liam wrote: “Finally reports in smartarses column about Oasis last British gig ever. The kids talking out his arse, I mean rkids, bware of darkness. LG.”

Liam had revealed earlier this month that he and Noel were no longer on speaking terms and while on tour travelled separately, seeing each other only on stage.

Oasis came to national attention in 1994 with the release of their single Supersonic, which was followed by the album Live Forever, which reached No 1, later that year and (What’s The Story) Morning Glory? in 1995."

I've always referred to these two brats as "fighty-dogs"--you know, when doggies get up on their hind legs and "box" each other, but no one gets hurt? Oh, it sounds ferocious (aahhhhrrr, aahhhhrrr, SNORT!), but it's all in good fun. Having two adult sons of my own, I know how they will fight, then hang out, playing Nintendo like nothing ever happened.

I'm about to cross the pond to have a chat with the Gallagher boys. They both need a good smack on the back of the head, if you ask me.

Get back on the farkin' stage!

Buttholes, I tell ya.

Paula Abdul is set to host VH1 Divas Live!

"I'm hoshting the Divash, Bitchesh!"

First things first. The line-up for the 2009 VH1's Divas Live is well, questionable at best. The latest edition of the franchise will include performances by Adele, Kelly Clarkson, Miley Cyrus, Leona Lewis, and Jordin Sparks, and VH1 says additional performers and presenters will be added in coming weeks.

Children, back in my day, the VH1 Divas Live was something special. We were given Cher, Mariah, Celine and Aretha. WORK IT, DIVAS! Nothing against Jordin Sparks, but a diva she is not. These young women have not come close to what it takes to be called a Diva.

If Whitney wants a real comeback, why doesn't she get her clavicle and wig up on that Diva stage where we want her??

WE WANT WHITNEY!

Oh, this was supposed to be about Paula Lushdrool hosting the Divas. Does this mean she thinks she's one, too? I actually think she might be a Diva. All she's missing is some talent.

Lindsay Lohan robbed AGAIN?

Basted to perfection.

Yeah. Your lips are plumped
because your are biting them. OHHHkay.

Yeeeesh. Lindsay's been "robbed" again.

via TMZ and People Magazine:

LOS ANGELES -- Lindsay Lohan wasn't home when burglars broke into her Hollywood Hills home over the weekend, but she is "upset" by the crime, even as she prepares to move to a safer place, according to her mother.

The Los Angeles Police Department's Hollywood station received a report of a burglary at a residence in the 2200 block of El Contento Drive around 6 a.m. Sunday, a police watch commander said.

"The safe was ripped out of the wall, and the door was off the hinges and door handles removed," Lohan's mother, Dina, told People.com. "Bags, shoes and jewelry were taken too. Thank God she wasn't home."

Police could not provide details of what may have been taken or how the burglars got into the house, said Officer Norma Eisenman, an LAPD spokeswoman.

Lohan was apparently rattled, her mother told People. "She is okay, but upset."

The actress was planning to move "to a safer place" even before the break-in occurred, her mother said.

The weekend break-in was the second reported at Lohan's residence. The first was reported in May.

Lohan's father believes the burglary was an inside job, according to TMZ.com.

"I am not going to put up with individuals violating my family. Lindsay is a charitable, generous person that always gives. This is a personal violation and it has got to stop," he told TMZ.com."

I'd LOVE to know what was in the wall-mounted safe that was broken into. Maybe it's the recipe for her "Sevin Nyne" self-tanner. I hear it's just a bottle of Lawrey's Citrus BBQ Sauce.

Today's Blind Item - Drunkeshia McHousewifey Edition

"WHICH reality TV women party so hard every night that reporters gripe the ladies don't get out of bed to do phone interviews in the day?" CDaN

This sounds like the lovely ladies from Atlanta, yes? I tend to only watch the New York screeches, myself, but I tell ya what: I wouldn't get out of bed to do phone interveiws either! Are they supposed to sit in their home office? Psssh.

Oh GURRLL. Oprah's Got Whitney.

Oprah. Will she ask Whitney the tough questions?

The Bobby Years

Almost...but not quite.

HELL YEAH.
THIS is the Whitney we want back.

Oprah Winfrey will start a new season on Sept. 14 with a Whitney Houston interview.

Winfrey calls it "the most anticipated music interview of the decade." Hmmm. Is it, though? Will Oprah ask what we really want to know about Whitney and her crazy-ass behavior for the past 10 years? I almost think Anderson Cooper would ask the tough questions...but that's why Whitney's going with Oprah.

On The Oprah Show, Whitney will receive applause, praise and maybe even get to sing (lipsynch? Have you heard her new single?).

You bet I'll watch it, but I don't expect any huge revelations during Oprah's big coup.

Today's Blind Item - Idea Stealer and Credit Taker Edition!

"I guess this guy is a reality show host. The show is not really scripted although it does manage to usually bring out the tears. Anyway, the host likes to make it seem like everything on the show is all his idea when actually it is a team of people and he shows up for five minutes and takes the credit. He is also trying to sell the ideas that the other people have created and pass them off as his own." via CDaN

I always think of Casa Palmera when I hear anything about this dude. I had never even watched his show until Superbowl Sunday, 2008--the only day we were allowed to watch TV (because the nurses wanted to watch the game.) It's also the only football game I've ever sat through. Nice little sidebar.

So, yeah, this feller who's taking credit for ideas that aren't his--and his DUI issue awhile back is an EASY one, ya'll.

Today's Blind Item - Drunken Urination Edition

Wow. NAST.

"This A list director passed out during a premiere of his latest movie. When people tried to help him out of the theatre they noticed he had wet himself and his seat. Nice." [CDaN]

Sounds like a certain "basterd".

Separated at Birth - User, Boozer and Loser Edition!

Jerri Blank with some redneck at a liquor store.
Wait. That chick is STEVEN TYLER.

The real Jerri Blank

Oh, "Strangers With Candy". I swear to Xenu, I totally thought that picture of skeletal and old-ass-looking Steven Tyler was Amy Sedaris dressed as her character, Jerri Blank pretending to be Steven Tyler. Whaaa?

My head is spinning. I know we want our rock stars to keep on playin', but JAAAYZUS. No wonder dude-look-like-a-biddy fell off the goddamn stage last week and broke all them bones.

Steven, hon? Why are you in a LIQUOR STORE to begin with? Aren't you a recovering, um, EVERYTHING-one-can-be-addicted-to addict? Thank goodness Jerri Blank had this to say on your behalf:

"He's dealing with this the same way I dealt with my own alcoholism and drug addiction... with lies and delusion."

George Michael...ForpitySAKE.

What's REALLY wrong with this picture?

Is there any reason George Michael insists on driving himself? Oh yeah. Don't answer that...so, of course he was arrested yet again yesterday for another car accident of sorts:

via MSN:

"Music star George Michael was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence after being involved in a car crash in England, says the BBC.

The news agency says the 46-year-old singer's Land Rover and another vehicle collided, and police say Michael was arrested at the scene of the incident. After being held for five hours and questioned, he was released from police custody without charge.

On Saturday, the Associated Press reported that Michael issued a statement assuring fans that during the accident, he had been "stone cold sober." "

I say he was off his ass drunk, because why else would George-effing-Michael be wearing CROCS??

Oh, George. I'm so disappointed in you.

Jaime Pressly's Squat of Shame at The Abbey in WeHo

Gays and their hags watch in disbelief!

Ugh. I hate having to use that
bitch, Perez's photo--sorry!

I've stared at this picture for waaaay too long, trying to figure out exactly what is going on here. Notice the droplets? Then the puddle and stream? Did she walk there, peeing as she walked and decided just to sit on the sidewalk (aka The Drunky Potty)? Or is this all just a big misunderstanding?

Jaime!! That's a fairly Joy-ish white-trash move--haven't you heard? "Earl" was canceled.

I've been to The Abbey in West Hollywood with Patrick. Those bitches are ruthless and this will be fodder for daaaays, ya'll. (And the Chicken Caesar Salad wasn't good.)

"American Idol" Update - Victoria Beckham arrives for Denver audition

The always over-dressed (and under-fed)
Victoria Beckham in Denver for A.I. auditions

Oh, Paula.

I haven't been giving moment-by-moment coverage of the Paula Abdul vs. American Idol crap that's been going on all week because I'm not that interested. BUT, I will say this: (I may catch hell from some of you), but Paula drove me out of my ever-lovin' mind with her blather. My husband will vouch for the fact that I would scream at the TV when she slurred, rambled and gushed inappropriately. Oh Lord, and that dancing of hers while the contestants are performing. "Somebody make her SIT THE EFF DOWN!", I would wail each and every week.

Oh, and all those ridiculous online petitions to "save Paula" are embarrassing.

So. The news of Victoria Beckham filling in for Drunky McDrool makes me giddy. I'm one of the few who will admit to loving Vicks. I think she's funny...really funny. I don't think she takes her persona all that seriously, and actually just plays it up, if you will.

The Mirror.com reports:

"She's thrilled to be joining American Idol - but don't expect Victoria Beckham to swap that pout for a smile.

Days after we revealed that Posh was going to step into Paula Abdul's Louboutins on the hit reality talent show, she has called to tell us about her judging style.

Victoria, 35, tells us: "I am beyond excited. When I heard, I just couldn't believe it.

"I feel like I've got the best job that there is. I'm just so happy and I can't wait. I was in bed on Wednesday when I got the text from Simon Fuller saying: 'You're going to Denver'."

When she arrived at a downtown Denver hotel yesterday before the first round of auditions, scores of onlookers crowded around taking photos.

She said: "I'm a big fan of the show - I come to the shows with the kids and David loves it. I'm just so grateful to be given such a fantastic opportunity.

"I'm still grinning from ear to ear.

I'll try hard to pout and not shatter the illusion I'm a moody cow...(aka "a sulky moo") but I don't know if I can!" Any contestants expecting a hard time from the Spice Girl-turnedclothes designer can breathe a sigh of relief.

Victoria reveals she's no Simon Cowell and insists she'll be "nice" to contestants.

She told 3am: "I know how it feels to be stood there and judged - and how it can feel when nerves get the better of you."

There are also reports of Katy Perry the Novelty Act showing up as a guest judge as well. Honk shoooooo.

I'm probably going to be sorry for asking, but what are your thoughts on the Paula vs. American Idol situation?

Paula Abdul will NOT be returning to "American Idol"

"Lisshen here, I worth a LOT.
FOX can just pay me in boozzzh, mmkay?"

What??? The powers that be decided to keep the sober one?? No!! Who will Simon grope without fear of a sexual harrassment lawsuit now? Oh, that's right. RYAN. But we won't be allowed to see that fun.

via the Associated Content (who??):

"...while everybody seemed to be signing new contracts, Paula Abdul seemed to be getting snubbed. Her manager said as much, publicly chiding the other side for not treating his client with more respect (read: giving her what she wanted = more money). Contract negotiations on American Idol became headline news with even the 3-year deal signed by executive producer, Ken Warwick, receiving headlines. Of course, much of it was to highlight the fact that American Idol's "nice" (read: drunk and lookin' for cute boys) judge might not return after eight years on the show."

Here's my theory: She'll get a last-minute contract giving her waaay too much money, but she'll say she "just couldn't turn her back on the kids!".

Wagers, anyone?