David Letterman's Wife Kicks Him O U T. Oh crap...here we go.

Dave and son Harry. 

(I have a sadface right now.)

Yeah. This BREAKING NEWS is coming as a big, fat NO SURPRISE. 

via TheEnquirer.com (I KNOW, hush up...)

Mired in a sex scandal, the 62-year-old Late Show host is now living in his luxury loft in lower Manhattan, while his wife and son stay at his mansion in New York's swank Westchester County.

"Dave admitted he's sleeping in the city after Regina let him have it. He took a few days off from the show so they could try to work things out," divulged an insider at his CBS show. "But if anything, he may have made the situation worse.

"Regina demanded that he tell the complete truth about what he did with the women, but Dave hemmed and hawed.

"Now he's moved out of the house. He said Regina told him to 'get out' and that's exactly what he did!"

You know what? I'm having trouble watching Dave these days. If anyone, we'll watch Conan. I am actually feeling cringe-y when I see Dave now. Wow.

Shame on you, Dave. You broke Regina's heart. You are breaking Harry's heart. And you've broken mine. 

Oh, Alanis Morrisette. Why?

If that's a toilet, I'm gonna be pissed off.

Wait. I already am.

In my best Nancy Kerrigan whine, WHYYYYYY? Is this what it's come to? Again?

Back in the day, Alanis Morissette never pandered to her audience by dressing like a poptart. But now, all of a sudden, she's hit 35 and feels the need to pull a Madonna on us with the typical hooker boots and open legs photos. Yeah. Awesome. 

I've always just sort of liked Alanis, but I loved Hands Clean, which is another song allegedly about the dude from Full House. They had a relationship while Alanis was 14 and he was 29. They were both living in Canada, where this would be a criii-immme (as she sings in Hands Clean.)

Well, gee. Now I feel guilty for liking this song. It does prove what an asshole Uncle Joey is, just like in You Oughta Know, every chick's favorite "angry song".

Maybe Alanis really does feel like all she's worth is her "outside". Sigh.

Pamela Anderson? The REAL Origin of The Swine Flu on Parade in New Zealand

NAST.

OhdearLord. Why does Pamela Anderson feel the need to show us her raggedy bits and pieces...STILL? Here is Old Girl in New Zealand for their version of Fashion Week. (How awesome can it be if this old biddy is the best they have to offer?) Apparently, Pammy's working with some weird-ass "designer" named Richie Rich (who literally fell down on roller skates while following her down the runway).

Here's the thing. Pam has two young boys. And by that I mean CHILDREN OF HER OWN, not two dumb models tryna get ahead. Those two kids had better have standing reservations at every single rehab facility on the west coast. 

Pamela Anderson needs to STOP this -- NOW. 

Today's Blind Item - Druggie Edition

"Which rocker is back on drugs? Although she claims to be clean, when she checked out of a Manhattan hotel recently, the maid found the room littered with dirty needles." [NYP]

Well, well, well. What strung-out, skinny-assed widow did we all just see picture of (getting out of a taxi) in New York City? No-brainer.

Morgan Freeman is starring in "Driving Miss Underage Relative"

I feel sick just reading about this crap.
I

This disgusting story caused me to have to throw away the contact lenses I put in this morning. I think I'll just wear my glasses until I'm done soaking my actual eyeballs in Lemon-Scented PineSol. Jesus H. this is some nasty shit.

Morgan Freeman has ALLEGEDLY (ahem and eyeroll) been having sex with his step-granddaughter. I think this falls into the sub-category of molestation called "Woody-Soon Yi Sydrome".

The Enquirer is reporting:

Morgan Freeman has been having a nearly decade-long affair with his step-granddaughter - a scandalous charge that has emerged in the bitter divorce battle between the acclaimed actor and his wife Myrna, says a source.

The relationship between the 72-year-old actor with step-granddaughter E'Dena Hines, 27, began when she was a teen, the source told The ENQUIRER exclusively. The alleged affair not only contributed to his split from Myrna, his wife of 25 years, it also led to his breakup with his longtime mistress, former schoolteacher Mary Joyce

A source tells the Enquirer that E'Dena is the granddaughter of Morgan's first wife Jeanette. Morgan and his second wife Myrna raised E'Dena ever since she was a little girl. The affair reportedly started when E'Dena was a teenager. The source went on to say, "Myrna said E'dena told her that when she was a teenager, she and Morgan went to dinner at a friend's house one evening. Both had been drinking, and when they returned home, Morgan attempted to have sex with her. They stopped just short of having intercourse. E'Dena explained to Myrna that she stopped Morgan from going any further."

Again, I know it's The Enquirer reporting this--but more often than not, their "shocking stories" end up being true.

All together now: N A S T.

Little David Archuleta's Dad Loves Hookers!

Awwwww...father and son. So sweet.

How could be forget The Littlest Mormon, David Archuleta on "American Idol" with his crazy stage-dad, Jeff Archuleta? Jeff was constantly in the news for yelling at Idol executives, sabotaging (allegedly!) other contestants and making poor David cry during rehearsals.

Radar Online says:

"A doctor who was renting a building for his practice had sublet some of the suites to what he thought was a legitimate massage business. When he noticed that the masseuse "therapists" were arriving in rather scanty outfits, he asked the cops to check it out.

"After determining that no business license had been issued for whatever was going on in there, I sent in an undercover officer to put eyes on," Det. Sgt. Salazar said. "The next day, five officers, including myself, went in to shut them down."

At the time of the raid, only one client was there. "He was just finishing up in suite number one. I sent two of the officers in and the male was on his stomach on the table with a masseuse in lace underwear."

That client was Jeff Archuleta. "We read him his Miranda rights twice. The second time because he said he didn't understand them the first," said Salazar. "During the questioning, he said he'd found the place on Craig's List. He was asked if he'd received any sexual services and he said he had."

Is he on the Craig'sList payroll? You just know their server is jammed now.

Oh Britney. As if I don't feel sick enough...

Brit-Brit's not so fresh.

Ugh. I seriously didn't think I could feel worse today, then I was hit in the face with this story. For the love of Cheetos, Britney!

"Things reportedly didn’t go entirely to plan when the singer posed for the glamorous photoshoot for Elle during a break from her current Circus tour. ”They dressed her in all these beautiful couture clothes - and, well, let’s just say she forgot what time of the month it was,” a source tells Page Six. ”It wasn’t pretty.” (via Entertainment Wise)

So yeah. This is worse than the time she ruined a $6700 Zac Posen dress during her infamous OK! magazine shoot in 2007, she allegedly wiped her fried chicken-stained fingers on one dress, while her dog pooped on another gown. How does one "forget" or not even realize what time of the month it is?? Ummm...someone, I don't care who, give Britney Jean Spears a hysterectomy, STAT. It will solve so many future problems, and perhaps save some future lives, know'msayin'?

Nast.

Oh. I have pneumonia. Awesome.

No, this isn't MY x-ray.
I just like visual aides.

Sigh. I mean, COUGH COUGH!! I'm admitting it right now that I should have gone to to doctor a long time ago. After two hours at the doctor's office today, it was determined that I have freaking pneumonia. Sweet. At least I know why I'm horking up a lung now--and it's not simply due to Tori Spelling and her horrible implants.

Madonna Excommunicates Jesus

All done!

Madonna has decided to end things with her 22-year-old boyfriend Jesus Luz after he was spotted partying in Rio with several females and reportedly hooked up with 19-year-old model Luciana Costa, according to the Daily Star:

"As our insider explained: "Madonna has just come out of a very long and difficult relationship."She was drawn to Jesus. But it was just a bit of fun and she's enjoyed herself. But she is growing bored of the relationship and her family comes first. He would ruin her chances of adopting again. And the pictures of him with Luciana made her realise that he'll be better suited to somebody his own age."

Oh SURE. It's never about anyone other than Madonna. Even those of us who don't know her personally know that. Sheesh.

Beyonce` at the Oscars

Wow.

That's just plain ugly, Bey.

When, oh WHEN will Beyonce` stop letting her mom dress her? OhmyLORD, this is hideous. Oh wait. I forgot the definition of "Dereon" (as in, House of Dereon, Tina Knowles "fashion" line) actually is hideous.

This was the worst dress of the Oscars 2009, folks.

Nude photo of Madonna auctioned for $37,500 in NYC - Apparently Not EVERYONE is Broke

Pretty much like this; except not really.

NEW YORK (AP) -- A full-frontal, nude photo of a 20-year-old Madonna fetched $37,500 at auction Thursday, an apparent record auction price for a photograph of the superstar singer.

An unnamed European buyer bought the picture, which had been expected to sell for up to $15,000, according to Christie's auction house.

http://www.christies.com/LotFinder/lot_details.aspx?from=searchresults&intObjectID=5176357&sid=6e6cf1e0-1265-4b5c-ba6e-e996895d46c7

Ugh. Again, feel free to look at the NSFW photo that I won't post here.

Can you imagine going to someone's house and seeing that in the foyer? Yikes!

Mickey Rourke and Evan Rachel Wood are Doing It. For Reals, You Guys.

Is that how "friends" hold onto one another?

I didn't think so. Bleh.

It appears it wasn't just silly gossip about Mickey Rourke, 56 and 21-year-old Evan Rachel Wood's, um, romance. Ewwww. The couple--who play father and daughter in The Wrestler--were spotted making out at an after party for the Screen Actors Guild Awards, then seen taking the action into his room at the Four Seasons Hotel.

"Thanks for giving me that dirty, dirty visual", I can hear you all saying out loud to the computer screen. Oh, you are so very welcome!

Wow. Remember the early 1980's, Mickey?

Oh, Sting. Just For Men Haircolor? REALLY?

Sting!
NOT Sting, if you ask me. Bleh.
This so-called "Sting" presented at the Golden Globes last night.

What the goddamnhell is Sting DOING looking like this? He's going on 52--and he looks WAY better with his hair graying, rather than dipping his entire head in black shoe polish. Come ON.

"I thought it looked good, so I kept it," he said, after I guessed that Sting grew the beard for the Paris opera he, son Joe Sumner and Elvis Costello recently performed, Welcome the the Voice. "And nobody recognizes me . . . its wonderful."

Great. And HOW many years did you work to become famous? Lose the haircolor and the beard, der Stingleberry.

Donatella Versace Asks: "Who Wants BBQ Chicken Wings for Dinner?"

The lovely and appealing Donatella Versace

I could really go off on this chick...wait, she's no longer a "chick" and HASN'T been for a good 20 years. Remember? Her poor daughter, Allegra is anorexic and was supposedly receiving "medical help" for her dire condition. I hope her mother isn't the one "helping" her. Holy Lord. The photo above was taken during Donatella's holiday in St. Barts on Christmas Eve. I really do think there is such a thing as too tan, don't you? She looks completely slathered in Kraft honey-mustard barbeque sauce. That's good eatin' folks. And what's going on with her upper lip? I thought cocaine left a residue around one's nostrils. (Hey, it's JUST A RUMOR! Heh.)

Jacko's Not Dead Yet...

but I think I'M dying now after seeing this photo...I need to go heave over the toilet. BRB.

Bleh...BLEH!!

Okay, so whoever started those "rumors" about Michael Jackson dying? Apparently, premature.

"Ian Halperin, an author working on a Jacko biography, claimed Jackso was suffering from from Alpha 1-antitrypsin deficiency and needed a lung transplant.
Jacko's official rep told People that the story is a "total fabrication" and "Mr. Jackson is in fine health and finalizing negotiations with a major entertainment company and television network for both a world tour and a series of specials and appearances." Oh SURE! A tour? Specials and appearances? LIES, I tell ya! All LIES.

Do NOT look at the picture below!

Gaaahhhhh! My corneas are on fire!!

I'm so creeped out, I don't even know where to begin on this one. Is this the latest in the Child Molester Collection for Spring 2009? I actually hope so; then we can spot them as quickly and easily as Michael Jackson was in Beverly Hills. Apparently, he was doing some "shopping". What's that homemade disc in his hand? My head is spinning and quickly making me nauseous at the thought of the downloaded images he's clutching.

When will someone DO something about this freaky mo-fo??

Tom Cruise Says: "Oh, By Golly, Have a Holly, Nazi Christmas...This Year!"

SteeeeooopidTomCruise

They're kidding, right? A Nazi movie that isn't Schindler's List by a long stretch--opening Christmas Day?? Yeah, you know, come to think of it, we are all sitting around ordering pizza or Chinese food that day and are pretty bored. "Hey! I feel like seeing a movie about HITLER, how 'bout you?" God forgive me for saying that.

I realize we are at the height of "Oscar Season", but, WOW. Tom? Not in a million years will you be nominated for this movie wherein you were too lazy to adopt a German accent.

He's hitting Suri's Scientology barley juice again.

Oh, and if I DO decide to see a movie Christmas Day, it will be ...Benjamin Button and Brad Pitt probably will be nominated. So there.

Eva SPANX it, too!

Eva Longoria gracefully exiting her car.
"What SPANX?? I don't know what you're talking about!"

Oh, Eva. The secret's out. Now get in line with the rest of us SPANX-wearers. I wonder if she forbids her husband, Tony Parker from seeing her wrestle in and out of that thing. I simply will NOT let Stephen see me in these things. Shoe-horning my blubber IN then later on releasing that same abdominousness into the wild after a big dinner out is just too horrifying for him to witness. It's bad enough that I have to see it.

Single White Female Part Deux

Pretty little Evan
Dita-clone Evan

The Real Dita

I totally recognize that I'm at least 6 months too late on this story, but I can't stop looking at these pictures. I understand, too, that two of my last three blogging ventures have been about Evan Rachel Wood and her unconventional behavior. She's a total trainwreck and I cannot look away!

Why would a girl take over the appearance of the ex-wife of her boyfriend, from whom she stole said boyfriend? Dude, if he wanted HER, he woulda stayed with HER. Ugh. Whatever. She's with the Rourke freak now, anyway. (Even though she's denying it now...pssshh.)

Michael Phelps is Still Grossing Me Out, Man

Mama's Boy

Bleh! If I see ONE MORE picture of Michael Phelps gettin' up on some chick he doesn't know and love in Las Vegas, I'm going to seriously wretch. (And it takes a LOT for me to puke these days.) Honestly. He wins 8 Olympic Gold medals, makes the United States and his mother proud and WHAT has he been up to since he set FOOT back on U.S. soil? It appears all he does is drink, gamble and fornicate. (I think it's happening all at one time, frankly.)

So here's another picture of Michael Phelps...getiin' up on some chick in Vegas.