Victoria Beckham with her boys in N. Hollywood - and David Beckham is in SEATTLE!

"Hold my hands, boys.

Don't let Mummy fall."

I love Posh. (Really??) I really love her soft, tossled hair, now that it's growing out a bit. Check out that outfit. She's in N. Hollywood taking the boys out for frozen yogurt--in 5" YSL hidden-platform pumps. But of course! When isn't she wearing a pair stilts? LOVE her.

Here's Victoria's explanation for her pin-thinness:

“I’m not going to lie – I’m not one of those people that says, ‘Oh, I eat hamburgers’. I eat salad. And I start off every day with a double espresso. Then I get on the running machine and I run like a bat out of hell.”

Ugh.

Oh, but guess who's in Seattle this weekend?? David!!

 



via Telegraph.co.uk

"Beckham admits he is facing a fight to be fully fit for LA Galaxy’s Major League Soccer Cup final, the American championship game, against Real Salt Lake at the Qwest Field arena.

The 34-year-old arrived here last night still wearing a protective boot after suffering bruising to his right ankle in last weekend’s play-off victory, an injury which prevented him from any training until a gentle run out in Los Angeles yesterday."

Here is Becks at The Metropolitan Grill in Seattle last night. (Ummm..why not Icon Grill, Mister?) 

Oh, David Beckham.

Stephen (my husband) wondered aloud today, "Why didn't we get a call last night from David?" I told him it was because Victoria is still in Los Angeles--you know how men are sometimes.

We both live in a dreamworld...and we're very happy there.

Cruz Beckham, being all aggro and can't be arsed, while flashing gang signs!

OY! West Side, love.
The Beckham lads at The Grove

Daddy Beckham thought it would be a sweet idea to take his young lads to The Grove (a big, fancy shopping mall) in L.A. yesterday. I can understand wanting to go out with the kids...how-bloody-EVER. Of COURSE you're going to have a cranky time, filled with paps, fans and Lord knows what else, Becks. You. Are. David. Beckham.

Get a clue, Sweetie Darling.

I actually think Cruz looks crabby because he found out he was named after Cruise-y. Ewww. Do you blame him?

My Gift to YOU...and me.

Uhhh. ..yeah...ummm..

Look at that smile...

Oh, David Beckham's back. No. really...
his BACK.

I understand that David Beckham returned from playing socc--um, football in Milan to his MLS team the Los Angeles Galaxy. The Galaxy beat the New York Red Bulls last night 3-1. Apparently Becks was greeted with boos from the crowd. Blah, blah, blah....

Oh, whatever. He's David Bloody Beckham. Take a good, hard look.

Sigh. Happy sigh.

I had a craving for some Beckham.

"Look, Love. Our reflections...in the water!"

Bleh. After looking at that Gosselin goon, I felt the need for some physical beauty was in order...and I'm referring to DAVID.

I'm not the kind of girl who usually swoons over handsome men. Really, I'm not. When I say I like Brad Pitt, I mean I like him dirty and beat up like in "Fight Club". Pretty Boys generally don't interest me. So why David Beckham makes me a bit weak in the knees, I really don't know. Maybe because he's "dirtied up" with all those tattoos? Let's just say, I cahn't 'elp it.

via The Daily Mirror:

"While David, 34, revealed his tanned, tattooed torso and lean legs, the uber-slim Victoria donned a metallic gray two-piece and wrapped her hair in a towel.

Not normally one for flashing her bikini body, the 35-year-old former Spice Girl then covered up in a matching sarong to rub suncream on David's back.

In the past the former singer has complained that she looked 'really awful naked'.

She has also described the toll pregnancy has taken on her shape, claiming: 'There are loads of things I don't like about my body. I've got so much saggy skin on my stomach.'"

Ahem. Yeah. Me, too, Victoria. If I had your body, I think I'd be a sulky moo, as well. Psssh.

Your Monthly Beckham TIMES TWO

Is that a ponytail on Posh?

Hmmm.

Here's part of the latest ad campaign for Armani underpants (I hate the word "underpants"...but it seems funny to associate these two with that noun.) I usually appreciate these ads as much as the next gal who flips her wig over David, but these are especially cold, I think. Way to harshly posed. I'd like to see a little less stiffness, particularly on Victoria's part, but that's the photographer's prerogative.

Anyway. A little eye-candy for everyone.

Would YOU Let This Man Live in Milan Alone? Beckhams are Gonna Leave L.A. for GOOD.

"You're not going ANYWHERE without me.

Nice try though, love."

The
LA Times reports:
"Milan will do everything to have Beckham even after March. It is clear that it's our wish to have him until the end of the season [May 31] or on a permanent deal."The Galaxy has insisted that Beckham must return by March 9 for the beginning of the Major League Soccer season, and Galliani admitted that the MLS club is fully within its rights in doing so."There's always a hope, but contracts should be honored," he said. "If the Galaxy wants to talk, we would be very happy to try. But . . . they are in the right. Beckham must return to America on March 9. Let's wait."

Seriously though. With those weird-ass Cruises out of the country, now's the time for a quick escape from the clutches of Xenu. RUN, David, RUN!!

Your Daily Beckham...

Those two again...

I'm actually exhausted looking at my darling Beckhams today. Just imagining the amount of time they spend grooming to attend yet another fashion show in Milan wears me out. Nevertheless, I appreciate that they go to the trouble. Look at how Victoria is standing. I wish I had the wherewithall to pose like that when I'm in line at Safeway...but I guess my velour sweats and black Uggs don't quite have the same panache.

Dammit.

Russian Vogue and Armani...Your Daily Beckham

So seductve, yet icy.

That's a sexy bitch right there.
Victoria on the Russian Vogue cover for February 2009


The Beckham's Armani ad in Milan

We interrupt today's Inauguration festivities for a bit of sexy fluff...forgive me, CarterMagna for "lusting in my heart" (hey, another President used that line).

Behold all that is Beckham.

Hey, Victoria?? Can I Borrow Your Hermes Birkin Himalayan Bag?

$121,416 for a PURSE. Really,

Victoria??

...just for the weekend?

"According to Dailymail, the silver luxury Himalayan Birkin by designer Hermes, which studded with hundreds of diamonds including a three-carat sparkler on the lock, is one of only three in the world. It was Victoria's Christmas present and cost nearly a week's worth of David's wages at AC Milan."

Um. Even I think that's a bit much, all the way around. How will David top THAT next year? I actually find this kind of ostentatious behavior embarrassing.

David Beckham or Derek Zoolander?

And this one's called "Blue Steel"!

Oh, David. Why so seeeerious? This is just one reason we love you--it's ALWAYS a photo-shoot, isn't it, love?

Oh, Victoria Beckham...

Posh needs a new make-up artist something FIERCE.

"The L.A. Galaxy star is on loan to AC Milan for a bit and this past weekend, Becks with wife Vicky accompanied the team to Dubai.
The clan got all dolled up for a dinner at the Harbour Hotel and Posh put on her finest new frock, a big pouffy number. "

So here's my darling David Beckham with wifey, Victoria. I love that he's all casual in a polo shirt, forpitysake, and she's in a cocktail dress--holding a glass of champagne that's shaped exactly like her. I feel that if she toppled over, she might just shatter, too. Victoria's looking a bit too "Orange County" in colour (like my fancy spelling just for her?) if you ask me.

Romeo Beckham was Named Appropriately

Romeo Beckham on Dad's lap. (Brooklyn, left.)

The Beckhams out on Christmas Eve

Now listen. I'm speaking as a regular MOTHER who happens to have a son who, like Romeo Beckham (holding his mum's hand), never went through the "awkward stage" and became a model at age 12 (Hunter), so don't get all weird on me whe I say this: Romeo Beckham is going to be drop-dead gorgeous. His brothers are cute, don't get me wrong, but honestly? Romeo is unusually beautiful. What six year old has cheekbones like his? He most certainly got the best of each of his parents. Whatever the elusive "It" is--Romeo's got It.

In 15 years, I predict he'll be People Magazine's "Sexiest Man Alive".

Victoria Beckham Doesn't Enjoy the Westing Palace Hotel in Milan.

"David, get me out of here before I vomit! Hey--

no bulimia jokes, love."

"Victoria Beckham leaving the Westing Palace Hotel in Milan. Apparently The Beckham's had a reservation at the Westing Palace, which is the AC Milan corporate hotel, but Victoria did not like the hotel room so they went to the Four Seasons Hotel instead."

Oh, Sweetie...I KNOW. A "corporate hotel"? Please. How could they?? It sounds like they put you up in an Extended Stay by the airport. I can just imagine the tacky orange and brown one-room accomodations they tried to inflict upon you. Then, you had to bully David into telling the AC Milan underlings that it just wasn't fitting for someone of your stature to remove her coat, let alone sleep in such a hovel. The things you have to deal with...honestly. I don't know HOW you get through your days without your hair bursting into flames of anger.

I know, honey. There, there.

I Don't Care for Jessica Alba...

but my husband does. (That's okay though. He allows me to have my imaginary relationship with My Loverman David Beckham. I think that needs to be all one word: MyLovermanDavidBeckham. There...much better. I have so much fun finding cute clothes for Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz. I need to find matching outfits for the L.A. Laker game for them and their dad this week...Victoria WHO?) Remember, I live in a dream world.
Oh yeah. Alba. Here's why I don't care for her: She's got a case of Bitchface that beats 'em all--even Paltrow. I've seen Paltrow at least try to appear polite. Alba doesn't even put effort or good manners into an interview with ELLEN, for God's sake. If someone can't be nice to everyone's favorite lesbian, then she's a sullen cow altogether.

Here are some photos of J.Alb's campaign for Campari.

One of these things is not like the other...

Shirtless Bungee Jumping? David Beckham, of Course!

Oh David Beckham.

Leave it to "My Loverman", David Beckham, to bungee jump--SHIRTLESS. I didn't know I could even pray for this photo!

Madonna brushes up on her British accent

Madonna, leaving Nobu alone
Victoria and David Beckham looking crazy mad in love...psshhh

Just cuz.

Seems Madonna dined with David and Victoria Beckham at Nobu in Santa Monica recently. As you may know, Nobu is a super-trendy Japanese restaurant that's known for its sushi. I've looked at the menu and honestly, our sushi joint down the street is probably just as good.

Here's what I am assuming they ordered based on their personalities:

Madonna: King crab with a large bowl of dried miso

David: The $25 per oz. wagyu steak - 8 1/2 oz. please. (Huh huh. She said 8 1/2)

Victoria: Her organs simply fed off one another.

Baggin' and saggin' never looked THIS good...

Mmmmmm...Becks...(in Homer Simpson's voice)

Since when do I like boys in saggy shorts, wife-beaters and untied Adidas? Since right this second.

**UPDATE** THIS is why I don't feel too badly about making fun of Victoria, mmkay?