Lady Gaga's "Monster Ball" Tour Dates Announced!

I think Tampax Heavy-Days

is sponsoring the tour.

Sorry.

See? Lady Gaga hates the rain in Seattle, too. She's not bringing her tour to the Depression Emerald City. Psssh. I know some gurrls who gon' be pissed, y'all. Apparently it's gonna be a glittery, shiny "multi-media" QueerFest, and WE don't get to participate.

Goddamnit, Gaga. Don't you realize we are all depressed enough as it is, without YOU snubbing our fine asses, too??

Sigh. Here's the sked:

November 27 – Montreal, Quebec, Canada – The Bell Center
November 28 – Toronto, Ontario, Canada – Air Canada Center
November 29 – Ottawa, Ontario, Canada – Scotiabank Place
December 01 – Boston, MA – Wang Center
December 02 – Boston, MA – Wang Center
December 03 – Camden, NJ – Susquehanna
December 09 – Vancouver, BC, Canada – Queen Elizabeth Theatre
December 10 – Vancouver, BC, Canada – Queen Elizabeth Theatre
December 13 – San Francisco, CA – Bill Graham Civic
December 18 – Las Vegas, NV – TBD
December 19 – San Diego, CA – San Diego Sports Arena
December 21 – Los Angeles, CA – Nokia Theatre
December 29 – Atlanta, GA – Fox Theater
December 31 – Miami, FL – Knight Center
January 03 – Orlando, FL – The Hard Rock
January 07 – St. Louis, MO – The Fox
January 08 – Chicago, IL – Chicago Theatre
January 09 – Chicago, IL – Chicago Theatre
January 12 – Detroit, MI – Fox Theater
January 16 – Atlantic City, NJ – Borgata
January 20 – New York, NY – Radio City Music Hall
January 21 – New York, NY – Radio City Music Hall

via gagadaily.com  

Please Lord. Let me put up something more interesting than Khloe Kardashian's wedding today.

"..and then???"

For crying out loud. I'm stuck today. I'm really, truly stuck. 

Obviously, I must love celebrity gossip enough to write about it (and usually make fun of), but yeeeesh. This whole fakey filmed/no pre-nup wedding has really gotten to me. Who ARE these people? Why does anyone even care about them? (Besides Ryan Seacrest, who's making piles of money producing their reality shows on E!...)  They certainly know what they're doing, those Kardashians. No need for more sex tapes anymore, huh, girls?

NINE MORE MONTHS

Autumn is sneaking into the Northwest today, and will hit like a sledgehammer tomorrow. Summer completely flew by, as it always does in Seattle. Prepare yourself for plenty of moaning about "this goddamned rain" from me...it's already stuck in my throat. We won't have any decent weather for 9 months. NINE. MONTHS.


Last year, my darling husband Stephen bought me one of those S.A.D. lights. James the boxer chewed the chord to pieces. I don't know if it did me any good, honestly. A fellow-blogger in Seattle, Spicypants, of CelebritySmackblog.com says that she goes tanning to avoid depression. I do feel better when I go to the tanning salon, with its smell of sweat and coconut. I think not being suicidal wins over the fear of skin cancer. Now there's a choice I can stand behind. Dork.


The big news of the day? He's walking. Felix. Is. Walking. I'm following this little drunkard around, talking like a goon ("...and then? And then?? I don't know why I always ask him that question.) We play "Hey Baby'"--the game, not the song. It's basically Hide and Seek, but he thinks it's pretty darn hilarious. 


At the risk of sounding like one of those goony Mom blogs, I'll just say this: I'll take Felix and his silliness over a Kardashian story any day.  I hope you will, too.

What the goddamnhell is Courtney Love doing with Hugo Chavez??

"Rrrrrico. Chavez."

What???

This picture makes me sick on so many levels. Courtney crawled out of her coffin to attend crazy-face Oliver Stone's film about Taco Bell, "South of the Border". (That is what it's about, right?) And look who she ended up with--Hugo-Freakin' Chavez, that crazy dictator from Venezuela. I'm surprised the earth didn't implode.

via NY Daily News:

"Courtney Love is still floating on the charm offensive that Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez launched at Wednesday's screening of Oliver Stone's new documentary, "South of the Border." The singer, who came dressed to thrill in a short zipper-front skirt, says she noticed the twice-divorced Chavez checking her out during a Q&A afterward.

"It was the third wink that sold me," Mrs. Kurt Cobain told us. "He's a sexy dawg. He invited me to visit his country and I'd like to go. I'll rock Caracas!"  WHATthegoddamnhell????

I'm busy flipping through the Yellow Pages in search of the nearest vomitorium. Repeat after me: Oliver Stone. Courtney Love. Hugo Chavez.

Last one to puke is a rotten egg.

Today's Blind Item - Druggie Edition

"Which rocker is back on drugs? Although she claims to be clean, when she checked out of a Manhattan hotel recently, the maid found the room littered with dirty needles." [NYP]

Well, well, well. What strung-out, skinny-assed widow did we all just see picture of (getting out of a taxi) in New York City? No-brainer.

Hey! There's A City More Miserable Than Seattle?

"Portland, Oregon. Come for the rain,

leave for the suicide."

Apparently, Seattle isn't "miserable" enough to make even the Top Five Most Miserable Cities list. No one freakin' interviewed ME for this survey.

The Oregonian is reporting:

"Leslie Storm, director of an Oregon suicide helpline, is scrambling to find shelter for a cash-strapped 52-year-old man who says he will hang himself by the end of the week.

The man, who could not work for a couple of months because of a medical condition, told Storm that he is behind on his rent and his roommate plans to kick him out Feb. 26. It is the kind of situation she is dealing with more in these days of rising unemployment and evictions.

"He's telling me that he is slipping through the cracks, and it breaks my heart," says Storm, director of the crisis line program of the Oregon Partnership. "He has medical problems and says he can't go live under a bridge."

The Oregon suicide and drug and alcohol help lines received 71% more calls in January 2009 than it did the previous January, including more calls from people having suicidal thoughts because of severe financial stress, Storm said.

To determine the ratings, Business Week looked at calls to a crisis intervention hotline, depression and divorce rates, crime, and even cloudy days - of which there are an average of 222 every year."

I did a little research, because ya'll KNOW how much I love A Research Project. It seems Seattle has an average of 226 days of cloudy/rainy days each year. So, we're just happier about all this GD rain?

Um. No. I think there needs to be an investigation into this so-called "Miserable" list. I'm just as miserable--if not moreso--than those Oregonians.

Oh, it's ON, bitches.

Jared Leto is Channeling Brad? Or is it Kurt?

Big o'l girl, Jared Leto
'Member when Brad was beautiful?

Poor Kurt.

Jared Leto was seen during Fashion Week with Kanye West (another big ol' girl) at the Calvin Klein show. I'm presuming it was the Menswear Collection.

So anyway. Jared's looking a bit 1994-ish, isn't he?

This HEADACHE. Does Anyone Know How to Use a Chainsaw for Decapitation?

Don't look at me. I'm HIDEOUS.

These effing headaches are getting me down, man. (Even when I feel like crap, I like doing the hippie talk.) They aren't the kind I used to get. These headaches are a dull throb that move around my head and back of my upper neck. I've about HAD it. Wait. I'm there. I've had it.

So far, no one has helped a sister out with suggestions. Thanks for that, ya'll. Sheesh.

Here Comes the Rain Again...

Damp and disappointing Seattle

I've lived in the Seattle area since 1981. I'm still not used to the weather. With every passing year, I find myself feeling more depressed and gloomy during the 10 (it used to be 9) months of rain. The summers are shorter even. It gets dark at 4:00 p.m. now and will until next April. I don't know how much longer I can take this.

I love Seattle and most of what it has to offer. The vibe and attitude of the city is progressive, tolerant, cosmopolitan and rich in culture, and for about 8 weeks out of 52, I love living in the Northwest. I am not surprised that Seattle ranks quite highly on the suicide charts. (Considering this area has the moniker "Heroin Central", I suppose that adds to it as well. I personally have always been of the opinion that Kurt Cobain had HAD it with the weather.) Oh, and this is not a cry for help, I'm just tellin' ya what I heard, mmkay? I can bitch about the weather without the doctors being called in for observation. I would talk to them if they would prescribe an extended stay in Santa Barbara or Sun Valley.

So, yeah. I think I've got the S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder). Do they still sell those lights, I wonder? Maybe I should just get into the tanning bed. Hmmm...skin cancer vs. blackhole depression? Tough call.