Who's THAT Bitch??

Never in a million years did

I know who this is.

After a good, hard look, I coulda sworn this was actress Annabella Sciorra (from Jungle Fever, Hand That Rocked the Cradle, The Sopranos), but NO.

It's CrazyFace herself: Paula Abdul?? Sistergirl had some work done and some chub sucked out, if you ask me. 

Just sayin'.

THIS will not end well. Julia Roberts in a bikini with Javier Bardem.

Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen.

There was a time when I was a fan of Julia Roberts. I couldn't watch a film of hers without crying...that vulnerable, doe-eyed girl onscreen with the face that the camera loved.

Slowly over the years her image of being a--how shall I put it--homewrecker--became quite off putting. The lustre was gone from the ingenue, and the hard facade was all that was...and IS left. I don't fall for the "million dollar smile" anymore. With nearly every film she's made, Julia has also come away with a new man, including her current husband, cameraman Danny Moder (who was married at the time) during the filming of The Mexican. Need more of an actual list? Voila`.

Danny Moder, husband (2002 to present)

Benjamin Bratt, ex-boyfriend (1997 to 2001)
Matthew Perry, ex-boyfriend (1996)
Lyle Lovett, ex-husband (1993 to 1995)
Jason Patric, ex-boyfriend (1991 to 1992)
Kiefer Sutherland, ex-boyfriend (1990 to 1991, engaged)
Dylan McDermott, ex-boyfriend (1988 to 1990, engaged)
Liam Neeson, ex-boyfriend (1987 to 1988)


I'm just sayin'. The countdown has begun. 

So is Javier Bardem still with the lovely Penelope Cruz? We'll see, won't we? Because here he is with his co-star Julia Roberts filming Eat, Pray, Love in Rome.

Who's THAT Bitch?

"Just another player in your game for two..."

Photo: Tabloid Prodigy VIA Towleroad

No. Way. You have GOT to be kidding me. Just what is he trying to achieve....sigh.

Nevermind.

Whoopsie!

Yeah. It's him. Lance Bass. And to my Gays? I guess, you're welcome? Or, I'm sorry.

Tawny Kitaen Arrested Again for DUI

An old mughot of Tawny's 

from an earlier arrest

Here you go, again on your own, Tawny. (Cringe..sorry.)

This woman needs to hire a driver because she obviously won't fire her dealer or stop driving drunk.

via the OC Register:


NEWPORT BEACH – Tawny Kitaen, actress and ex-wife of former Angels pitcher Chuck Finley, was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence this afternoon.

Kitaen, 48, was arrested by Newport Beach Police at 3 p.m. She was released on a $2,500 bail.

It is unclear if Kitaen, of Newport Beach, was under the influence of alcohol, prescription drugs or both, said Newport Beach Police Sgt. Steve Burdette.

Kitaen was arrested near John Wayne Airport at Bristol North and Campus Street after being involved in a traffic collision. There were no injurues and no report on damages to either of the cars, said Burdette.

Kitaen was a cast member for season 2 of reality TV show, "Celebrity Rehab." Three years ago, Kitaen entered a drug rehabilitation program after pleading guilty to possessing 15 grams of cocaine.
She was arrested in 2002 on charges she abused her then-husband, former Angels pitcher Chuck Finley."

Oh, Tawny. You used to be stunning. Not just pretty--STUNNING. That wild mess of auburn hair, those legs doing cartwheels and splits on the two Jags in the beloved (?) 80's video Here I Go (Again on My Own) by Whitesnake.

Tawny and David, way back in the day.

Girl, you even married the gorgeous lead singer, David Coverdale (who still looks great, by the way--doesn't that just figure that the dude stays hot after all these years, but the chicks can't seem to?). Then it all went to crap...you dated OJ forpitysake, then married a baseball player and proceeded to beat the crap out him with your shoes...one arrest after another.


Sigh. Then came fewer roles, and then your were on Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew--but you didn't want to go to Sober Living. See what happened?

Here's a little something for everyone to remember how beautiful Tawny Kitaen was: 




But really, you were just one of many video ho vixens...except you actually had potential.

New "Dancing With the Stars" Line-up Revealed

GAAAAH! Kelly Osborne

Kathy Ireland with her K-Mart lamps

Dallas Cowboy, Michael Irvin - SURPRISE!

Mya

Donny Osmond - SNORT!

Actress, Debi Mazar

Macy (Drunky von Retardstein) Gray

Iron Chef's, Mark Dacascos

"BATTLE BUNIONS!"

Here we go, ya'll...it's time for "Dancing With the Don't-You-Know-Who-I-Used-to-BE?" line-up. I don't think I watched more than two episodes last season. Who even won? That's just how involved I am with this show now.

Sigh. Here's the list of has-beens/athletes. (OH--I just remembered...that "little person" from the Olympics won, right?)

- Former Sabrina The Teenage Witch actress Melissa Joan Hart (I remember her from "Clarissa Explains it All" on Nickelodeon, not "Sabrina".)
- Rock royalty Kelly Osbourne EEEEEK!! F-Bomb alert!!
- Recovering (?) addict Aaron Carter
- Singer Mya from "Chicago"
- Ultimate Fighting Champion Chuck Liddell
- Professional snowboarder Louie Vito
- Former Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Michael Irvin
- Six-time gold medalist for swimming Natalie Coughlin
- Actress Debi Mazar (Love her.)
- Iron Chef Dude Mark Dacascos
- Swimsuit model Joanna Krupa (who?)
- The son of George Hamilton and Alana Stewart, Ashley Hamilton (Shannen Doherty's ex, remember?)
- Donny Osmond (Ugh, wasn't she already ON? Oh.)
- Tom DeLay (I'm at a loss for this one.)
- Former supermodel and K-Mart enthusiast Kathy Ireland
- Former singer Macy Gray (Big, Drunk Retard!)

I just cannot get enthused about this crap.

I think Vanessa Hudgens "leaked" (eww) her latest set of crappy nudie phone pictures. NSFW at ALL.

Oh, Vanessa.

via Dlisted (whom I LOVE!!!)

Heavy sigh. Here I am, writing about one of the "Disney Dorks", who are ALWAYS up to the no good. This little hussy, Vanessa Hudgens had nakey, nakey, eggs and bakey photos on the Intranets about 18 months ago. Or so I heard. Or saw. I didn't talk about it then, but I will now--begrudgingly.

Listen UP. I think she's auditioning. We all know that this little snip wants to be Kate Winslet showing her boobies all over the screen, right? She even recently said she'd go nude in a movie...she's just itching to dump her Disney image (I know, "image? What image might that be??").

Oh. How coincidental she's on Jimmy Kimmel tonight, ya'll. Come ON.

Anyway, these photos are obviously Not Safe For Work (NSFW). CLICK HERE to see something we really shouldn't be seeing, if you're so inclined.

Full. Body. Eyeroll.

Today's Blind Item - Druggie Edition

"Which rocker is back on drugs? Although she claims to be clean, when she checked out of a Manhattan hotel recently, the maid found the room littered with dirty needles." [NYP]

Well, well, well. What strung-out, skinny-assed widow did we all just see picture of (getting out of a taxi) in New York City? No-brainer.

Angelina Jolie - Forbes Magazine's Most Powerful Celebrity

That's right, bitches. Most. Powerful.

And Beyonce` is on the cover, why?

You can't tell me this magazine will sell more units with Bey on the cover instead of Ms. Badass Herself. No effing way. What gives? Does Jay-Z have that much pull that he forced the folks at Forbes to put his wife in the cover--even though she's not number ONE, but number FOUR? Puh-LEEZ. I don't give a crap about her mother's House of Derion (read: hideous), or how she "maximizes her millions". It's boring...and the clothing line is a joke.

Ms. Jolie even kicked Oprah off her throne this year.

"Angelina Jolie nabbed the No. 1 spot on Forbes' 2009 Celebrity 100 list, the magazine announced Wednesday, topping Winfrey who slipped to No. 2 after two consecutive years at the top. According to the magazine, wealth is only one factor in determining the most powerful celebrity, and Jolie's $27 million in earnings last year combined with her fame determined her ranking. (Interestingly, Winfrey grossed $275 million in 2008.)

Rounding out the top 5 positions in Forbes' rankings: Madonna, whose Hard Candy tour and $110 million income landed her the No. 3 slot; Beyoncé is No. 4; and Tiger Woods fell to No. 5 on the list, down from No. 2 last year."

Seems I've done two blogs about Angie in one day. So what.

Today's Blind Item: 80's and 90's Style!

Via CDaN:

So, for today I thought we would shoot back in time just a little. Not going to go back to Old Hollywood. We are just going back to those carefree days of the late 80's and early 90's. This A list female entertainer has had an amazing life. She has done just about everything possible in the entertainment world and is one of the most influential entertainers ever. Back in the day, our A lister had just gone through a very messy divorce. But, our actress had needs and loved, loved trolling the Lower East Side of Manhattan for Hispanic guys in her chauffeured driven limo. On one of her forays she found a 17 year old Hispanic guy and took him back to her place where she kept him for a few days until she grew tired of him. Well, it turns out that she gave this teenage boy the gift that keeps on giving. The Herp. Yep. Well, a few months later, our A lister was trolling the same neighborhood and people from the teenager's family recognized the car and before anyone could do anything all of his family pelted her car with trash from their garbage cans. Seems appropriate.

Wow. "Gonna dress you up in my herp....all over, all over". I love that song. I totally heard about this YEARS ago...a certain old blonde with lots of ambition used to creep around Alphabet City in a limo lookin' for Latin boys. I just never heard about the herp part of it. Figures. And I'm surprised that's all she's got. Ewww.

Sorry, Boys.

Today's Blind Item: British Edition!

Ben Widdicombe Blind Item

Which notorious British druggie model who failed to attend an international photo shoot earlier this month cited "fear of swine flu" as her reason for not getting on the plane? In fact she was bundled off for a few days of emergency detox.

If you guys are struggling with this easy one, I'll be very disappointed. Very disappointed, indeed.

Tori Spelling Makes Me Hork Up Bile.

Cokehead Barbie with melted boobies!
By Mattel!

You know what? I don't feel good. I've had this goddamned flu/cold/or whateverthehell I have for almost three weeks. My throat is bright red and my left ear feels like hot needles are stabbing the eardrum. So the LAST thing(s) I wanna see before I shut down this burning laptop for the evening are Tori Spelling's deformed, lopsided, hard and cracked up silicone boobs. Look what it did to her kid! He passed the eff OUT.

Honestly, Tori. Your mom won't talk to you because she doesn't recognize your ass. Not even when you're sitting across the table from her at The Ivy...she has NO. IDEA.

Put down the chopped straw that you hide in your purse, and EAT. Then go get those tits FIXED. Jesus H.

Katy Perry looks like that chick in the George Michael video, huh?

Katy Perry in Complex Magazine

Katy Perry again.

Remember this chick?

George Michael's "Father Figure" video

The model in the video, Tania Coleridge

Katy's inspiration?

This is some random shit up in here, huh? I was just prowling around the internets, as I'm wont to do and stumbled across Katy Perry's latest magazine shoot. Remember George Michael's "Father Figure" video?


What do ya'll think? Inspiration?

Clay Aiken is a Jealous Bitch

Bitch!

The amazing Miss Adam Glambert

This article made me squeal with delight. Everyone knows I'm the biggest Fag Hag in the Northwest, and nothing will make me laugh harder than hearing about Gayken throwing a hissy fit over another big ol' girly American Idol contestant. I'll give you three seconds to figure out who this bitch is, well, bitching about.

BOOM. Miss Adam Glambert herself! Get this, in order to read about this bitchfest firsthand, you must first pay $29.95 to get all cruisey on the "Ultimate Membership" at ClayOnline.com. Holy lipgloss, ya'll. From one current pinky whitehead ginger about another former pinky whitehead ginger, this is what Gayken had to say on his Special Website:

"Now that it's all over, and for the record.... I couldn't be happier about the way AI ended this year. I only turn the show on once a season, and only to see what the set looks like each year. This year, I happened to turn it during the minute that Adam Lambert was singing "Ring of Fire" and, at that moment, thought my ears would bleed. Contrived, awful, and slightly frightening! I wasn't really a fan and found myself surprised whenever folks told me that they liked him.

Granted, I never saw another performance [BULLSHIT--he was totally eyelash-glued to his TV and we know it!] (and many folks who I trust said that he was great) but I can't imagine I would have enjoyed it. Just not my cup of tea at all." Oh, gurrlll....mee-oww!


I'm LOVING this. I'm sure Adam is saying, "Girl? Gayken WHO?? Oh, that asshole chick Kathy Griffin makes fun of?" Yes, Sugar. That chick--and she deserves EVERYTHING Kathy dishes out.


I'm obviously still squealing over this funny shit. This made my day.

Lindsay is Chanelling Marilyn Monroe Again? Really? I Beg to Differ.

"YAY! I look just like Mommy--I mean, Marilyn!I!"
As always, Mother of the Year - Dina Lohan

Seems Lindsay is trying to be Marilyn again...but she only ends up looking exactly like her mother, Dina. Happy Mother's Day! (Shudder...)

9 1/2 Too Many Plastic Surgeries...Each.

"Mickey? Is that YOU?"

Mickey and Kim at the premiere of

The Informer in L.A.

"Elizabeth" and "John"

Here's what sequel we DON'T want:

9 1/2 Weeks Til Retirment in Scottsdale

Holy LORD, look at these two! Mickey Rourke and Kim Basinger (who were both quite sexy back in the day...1986, to be exact), when 9 1/2 Weeks was released. Man, remember "John" and "Elizabeth" from the film? Just check them out now; re-hydrated, stretched out and sewn-up prune-faces, I tell ya.

I do feel a little guilty having said all that, but jeez. We're ALL thinkin' it! So ANYBotox, Kim apparently wrote Mickey a sweet letter complimenting his work in The Wrestler.

"He recalls, "Coming from her, it was very special and it was very generous and heartfelt letter. It brought me to tears, really."

The pair reunited for the first time in 23 years on the red carpet at the premiere for their new movie The Informers in Hollywood on Thursday, and Rourke admits he was very nervous about meeting the screen beauty again.

He says, "We had no screen time together in the movie (The Informers), so I was very nervous. I hadn’t seen her in 23 years."

I think this was actually a big deal because I understand she hated his ass during the filming of 9 1/2 Weeks. So much so that she supposedly was terrified and crying during a sex scene in an alley. 'Member that part?

Who's THAT Bitch? Oh, and Happy Birthday, Bitch!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Ya'll know I mean "bitch" in the nicest way possible. Sweet as you please, if you will. This kind of photo of Birthday Bitch will never, I repeat NEVER happen again. She's well-fed and smiling here. Never again.

Happy 35th, Sourpuss! We love you anyway!

When will Posh realize she has no reason to be a sulky cow?

Bonus Blind Item, Ya'll--And I'm Goin' to Hell.

Get it?? Get it??? Harrr harrr!

See you in hell.

Blind Vice: Chillin' Dude Does the Dude
From Ted Casablanca Yesterday...

"Blind Vice: Chillin' Dude Does the DudeI know what you're thinking: Is anybody in Hollywood straight? Skanky David Duchovny is. Brad Pitt maybe. I think that might be it!

But seriously, the town's full of pooftahs. Get friggin' used to it. Always has been that way—always will be. It's a community full of creative types, babe, that's just the way it goes!

Take Saucy Bossy, for ince. He's made a living by exuding the easy, cool side of powerful in his acting, his looks, his walk, all his endeavors. Ya know, he's just one of those handsome, effortless figures who command authority, with just a touch of kink on the side.

Well, doll-babes, I'm here to tell you...
It's a helluva lot more than just a damn "touch" for Saucy's libidinous bent! He sneaks dudes right and left into wherever he's hanging, whether it's his house in L.A. or whatever hotel room he happens to be partying in while on location.

Oh, and all those (female) big-butt babes Bossy's always feeling up in public, at events, in clubs, etc.? "It's all an act," said a member of S.B.'s management team, which is terrified somebody's gonna catch Saucy getting vroom service from the guys.

Jeez, I swear.

It's one thing for a single guy to live a lie like this. But should a dad being doing this? What a horrible message of deceit this sends to Bossy's kid! (I mean, it's only a matter of time before the kiddo discovers pops is a down-low kinda man).

And It Ain't: Colin Farrell, Kiefer Sutherland, Denzel Washington"

Oooooh. I'm guessing JAMIE FOX. Ssshhhh. You didn't hear that from ME.

Megan Fox: Gorgeous. Strange Thumbs.

Ladies and gentlemen, Megan Fox. Again.
Hold the phone. That forearm tattoo
and the thumb. Let's discuss.

There are two groups of Megan Fox followers on the Internet: the ones who are so infatuated with the beauty and sexiness, and the ones who are obsessed with her awful forearm tattoo of Marilyn Monroe and her oddly shaped THUMBS. Look closely at that digit. You would not BELIEVE the people out there who cannot get past those thumbs. I have more of a problem with the tattoo--this coming from someone with FOUR tattoos. The forearm tattoo is NEVER, EVER elegant.

Still. She's really pretty, even IF she's a low-rent Angelina. BOOM. Nice back-handed compliment!

This is Not a Test by the Emergency Broadcasting System: Victoria Beckham Wearing FLIP-FLOPS

Happy dogs.

...and boyfriend jeans. Now I've seen EVERYTHING. Victoria's poor feet must be weeping with joy. As a former stiletto junkie, I know that my feet flat out refuse to wear anything other than ballet flats (thank you, Amy Winehouse, for that lasting trend) or Nike cross-trainers. Since I was 15 (!) years old, I have worn 3+ inch heels at least 5 days a week--until the past 12 months. I have a pain in my right ankle that feels like a hot, stabbing barbecue fork pretty much all day. Even when I'm sleeping. I know it's totally related to the torture devices I subjected my feet, ankles and back (which has an artificial disc, a metal place and four screws holding my L1-S5 in place). Did you hear that? I just heard and understood the clue about those bitchy high heels .

Now run along and tell Victoria. Then tell me what she says.

Oh, Brother. Anne Hathaway is Praying for an Oscar and a Tony by Playing Judy Garland

Just Google "Anne Hathaway ugly big mouth".

It's that simple.

I can see inside Anne Hathaway's transparent little head (okay big head.) "Ooohhh...if I sing with Jackman on the Oscars, everyone will know I can belt 'em out like Judy!" She was auditioning, live on the Academy Awards. Ugh. So now horseyteeth is gonna play Judy Garland in both the stage and screen versions of her life story.

I have never seen anyone so thrilled to watch her own film clips when being introduced at an awards ceremony. Hathaway's eyes welled with tears and then gave herself a big round of applause after watching her own screechy performance in "Horseyteeth Overacting" or whatever it was called. I completely cringed with embarrassment while she congratulated herself at the podium after winning the Golde Globe. Honestly, she is her own biggest fan.

So. You've been warned; prepare your embarrassment threshold.