Paris Hilton is Still Playing Dress-Up...Awwwwwww!

How precious.
Paris Hilton's "closet"...

Please understand. Paris Hilton just turned twenty-freakin'-eight years old. Is this really the best she can do with her life? Dressing up like a six year old?

She needs a good talkin' to, and I'd be happy to do the job, but I'd probably just want to play with her pretty dresses and tiaras.

Because I like fancy, sparkly things, too.

Sigh.

Paris Hilton WISHES She Could be Patsy Stone, Sweetie Dahling.

Oh, Paris.
The Diva Joanna Lumley as
The Diva Patsy Stone in "Ab Fab"

The Sun reports:

"The hotel heiress sported a brand new hairdo seemingly inspired by JOANNA LUMLEY’s towering barnet in Absolutely Fabulous.

And if that wasn’t enough to draw comparisons, Paris also donned a pair of fishnet tights identical to those worn by Joanna’s alcoholic layabout alter-ego Patsy Stone in the classic sitcom. "

Who DOESN'T want to be Patsy Stone? Patrick and I were forever arguing about who got to be Patsy and who was Edina. We still LOVE this British (and homo-iconic) show from the 90's. Patrick is bringing his Platinum and Diamond Faggotty (are there two t's in 'faggotty'? - it doesn't appear to be in my SpellCheck), oh, so Special Edition Boxed Set of Absolutely Fabulous so we can re-live the good old days, just like Pats and Eddie do with the 60's.

"Nobody dies in their own vomit THESE days, Sweetie...."

Too bad I feel fat like Edina these days...and just as neurotic.

Eddie: "Theres is a THIN woman on the inside just dying to get out!"

Eddie's Mum: "Just the one, dear?"

Too Much Random DNA Found at Paris Hilton's House to Determine Burglary Suspect

Okay, EWWW on that title.

Seen here standing by her HIDEOUS new pink Bentley yesterday, Paris Hilton is confident that whoever burglarized her home has been there before. "We have some suspects that I'm thinking of," she tells E! News:

"Obviously it's devastating and disturbing that someone was in my home," Hilton said. "[But] we have three security guards there and a 24-hour guard who is always on my property. We have the alarm on, [we have] the dogs, the guards with the gun, so no one is going to be coming into my house."Hilton also has a message for the person or persons responsible for shattering her sense of security:"I would tell them to please return my things, because I know they're probably watching E! News right now, to return everything and that's it," she told us."They just have to anonymously have a taxi drop it off in my front gate in a box with my jewelry and everything. They won't get in trouble. But if all this goes on for much longer, they're going to get in more trouble."

"Shattering her sense of security"? Oh brother, Paris.

God, I hate myself for loving that skirt of hers.

Paris Hilton is a Big Fat Liar

Paris, this week.
Paris, last week (maybe)

I distinctly remember reading that Paris Hilton said she "loved her small boobs". I guess they are kinda like that boyfriend you "loved" then left for someone else because you "loved" THEM...more than ANYTHING.

I hope she dumps that orangey-red lipstick just as quickly and easily.