I'm-a-squealin'!! Miss Adam (G)Lambert Singin' Tina Turner!! Oh, and Fainting Goats.

Flip-Top Head, Miss Adam!

Oh, how I wish ya'll could be here with me right now. I'm on the phone with Patrick telling him how I found this awwwesome YouTube video of Miss Adam Glambert justa waaaailin' some Tina Turner. This makes me wanna go back to the late 90's at Neighbours up on Capitol Hill in Seattle and dance all up on Patrick like the good ol' days. Oh, gurrrrl. Patrick and I were fieeeerce. Jack and Karen (from "Will and Grace") at their finest. After workin' all day in the men's suits department at Nordstrom (Patrick worked at The Rail--the young men's department--there's a shocker), we'd doll up and drink up once we were there.(Before we left the store, Patrick would make me go to the cosmetics department with the request, "would you get me some samples of glitter?".) Oh, dear Lord, those were good times.

ANYgay. What do you guys think of Miss Adam's rendition of "What's Love Got to Do With It"? I'd bump the shit outta this drivin' around the city. OH! I should download it for the Gay Pride Party we're going to!! Bitches will FLIP right OUT.

Now, somehow this conversation with Patrick ended up being about fainting goats. We started talking about Patrick's crazy German Shorthair dog, Sam (he's queer and has a screechy, girly bark, by the way--when he's visiting the house we call Sam "Ennis" and James "Del Mar". Figure that one out, because it's funny), He said Sam is like "those fainting goats when he gets scared, and just flops onto the ground. I had NEVER heard of this phenomenon. So while chatting, I googled "fainting"--and FAINTING GOATS came up before I could even type it in!! What the hell? I had tears, I was laughing so hard.

This is how our typical phone calls go--about 5-6 times a day. Watch this shit--I dare you not to start crying with laughter.

Johnny Depp, Christian Bale Attend Chicago Premiere of "Public Enemies"

Johnny Depp on the red carpet last night

Director Michael Mann and Oscar winner,
Marion Cotillard

Christian Bale and wife, Sibi

Johhny Depp

I'm pretty convinced that Johnny Depp is the most gracious actor on the planet.

Last night in Chicago, for the premiere of his latest film, "Public Enemies", Johnny delayed the screening of the movie to stay out on the street to meet fans and sign autographs. This kind of stuff isn't publicized all that much. We're always seeing Scientolo-Tom Cruisey hamming it up for photo ops for his appearances, and they tend to creep me out. He's so calculating with his interaction with fans.

AnyILOVEJOHHNYSOBAD. ChicagoNow.com is reporting:

"Star of the new film "Public Enemies," Johnny Depp appears on the red carpet premiere of the film in Chicago, IL Thursday evening. Depp posed for photographers, talked with reporters, then walked out to the street to greet waiting fans, signing autographs on anything he could reach. The film, directed by Michael Mann, opens to the public July 1. (Elizabeth Myers/RedEye)

Patrick and I are still "singing" the Christian Bale remix of his rant a few months ago. ("OhhhGOOOOD. It's fucking distracting!") It's just so darn catchy!

In case you missed it...enjoy!

Bea Arthur Dies at 86

Bea Arthur, Dead at 86.

LOS ANGELES (AP) —

"Beatrice Arthur, the tall, deep-voiced actress whose razor-sharp delivery of comedy lines made her a TV star in the hit shows "Maude" and "The Golden Girls" and who won a Tony Award for the musical "Mame," died Saturday. She was 86."

Oh dear Bea Arthur. Yes, of course we all loved her work on "Maude" back in the day and of course, "The Golden Girls." Patrick and I had our own Bea Arthur jokes. For instance, we always refer to Banana Republic as the BR-thur" and we called a particular gay man--a sort of friend of ours, (who will go un-named) who wore big ol' 70's cowl neck sweaters, "Maude".

Rest in peace, Bea.

Birthday Vacation to San Francisco, Ya'll!!

Happy Birthday to me in San Francisco!

Oh, you guys, my darling and wonderful husband Stephen, surprised me with a trip to San Francisco this weekend for my birthday! We're leaving tomorrow morning and will be back Sunday night. I really don't plan on blogging during our time there, since we will be having such a great time ALONE. That means, no doggies.

You know how much I love my pups, HOWEVER. Today, James the boxer got my wrath. (Oh dear. The Seven Deadly Sins again...) After chasing him down the stairs yesterday and missing the third step of our deck--then falling on the cement and scraping and bruising my knee--one would think I would learn to put a leash on him. But, NO. So, today I was taking them potty (it was raining...REALLY??) and I just let them out back. James totally bolted...through the mud, gravel and then up to the neighbor's front door. As soon as I caught up to him, he damn near knocked me over and ran even further into the other neighbor's yard. By this time, I was yelling at him and cussing like a crazy mofo. I'm sure the neighbors thought I was yelling at a human being. "Fine! Run! See if I care, asshole!" (Who calls their dog that? I do when I'm all dressed to meet Patrick to spend the day in the city, goddamnit.) I finally caught up with James, grabbed him by the scruff and pulled the slippery, wet seal inside. SO NAUGHTY.

Patrick, snuggling with that naughty boxer, James.
I love this picture.

Ah yes. Patrick. He's going home to Palm Springs tomorrow after being up here in the wet, freezing Northwest for two months. I don't blame him for wanting to get the eff out of here. I can't take any more of this weather, I've said it before. Anyway, Patrick and I had a fantastic time, like we always do. We listened to Hunter's new song, "If U Only Knew" full blast in the car, got my "lashes did", then went to an early dinner at Icon Grille. We love it there and always seem to be the loud table--even though it's only just the two of us. It's just part of our charm--at least that's what we think. I know for a fact we annoy the crap out of family members, Patrick's former and current partner, but we don't care. We just don't.

I'll talk to ya'll when I get back. Have a great weekend, Loveys!!

xoxo ~j

Oh Katie Holmes. I Love Photoshop, Too!

"Kate" on the latest cover of "Glamour Magazine"

Thank God she's sitting down...
...because she's about to topple over from
from the weight of her existence.

Patrick is always whining that I only post hideous photos of Katie Holmes. No. I just post photos of Katie Holmes. HA! Get it??

Holy crap, though. Where is the fashion icon from about 2 years ago? Oh that's right...she's married to David Beckham! HA! Get it??

GAAAHHHH! "Exit 57" Videos!!!

Holy CRAP, you guys. I can't BELIEVE I found these videos..."Exit 57" is an old Comedy Central show that is pee-your-pants-fuuny. Take a look:




If ONLY I could find the "Boozy Party" episode!

"...don't you EVER call me a tugboat!"

Oh, Amy Sedaris.

Tom Cruise Is Dressing Gayer Everyday and Katie Looks Like She Wants to Die.

When will Katie be rescued??

If Katie Holmes isn't pregnant, she's just plain miserable. And if she is pregnant, she's even more miserable. Now I realize I'll get some eyerolls when I say I'm quoting the anti-Scientology website, Why We Protest (www.whyweprotest.net) who is quoting The Enquirer, BUT, let's remember they have been right more often than not lately. (The John Edwards scandal, anyone? Patrick Swayze's cancer? The Enquirer had 'em first.) So. Read on, ya'll.

"As much as Tom loves her now, Katie believes that if she left him, he'd make it difficult for her to see their daughter Suri," an insider told The ENQUIRER. "She's already seen how that would play out - because after Tom and Nicole Kidman divorced, he pretty much took control of their two children."With divorce out of the question, the once happy-go-lucky Dawson's Creek star seems to have lost her vivaciousness despite living in luxury, continued the insider."Katie has everything money can buy - beautiful clothes, multimillion-dollar homes, first-class travel and endless creature comforts. But it's all under Tom's watchful eye," said the insider."Before Tom, she always had loads of friends and loved to go out. Now she must feel like she's living Tom's life, not her own. All of her so-called 'pals' are actually Tom's friends - Will Smith and his wife Jada, and David and Victoria Beckham."And it is as if she's always being monitored by Tom's family members, Scientology minders and bodyguards."

The Cruises paraded their daughter Stinkfoot Suri around at a beach located on the residential area of a Brazilian military base in Rio de Janeiro, where "she mixed with children of military staff". SURE, she did.

Nice mesh shirt, Queerbait.

Oh! Speaking of Queerbait--PATRICK is arriving today!!!

Paris Hilton WISHES She Could be Patsy Stone, Sweetie Dahling.

Oh, Paris.
The Diva Joanna Lumley as
The Diva Patsy Stone in "Ab Fab"

The Sun reports:

"The hotel heiress sported a brand new hairdo seemingly inspired by JOANNA LUMLEY’s towering barnet in Absolutely Fabulous.

And if that wasn’t enough to draw comparisons, Paris also donned a pair of fishnet tights identical to those worn by Joanna’s alcoholic layabout alter-ego Patsy Stone in the classic sitcom. "

Who DOESN'T want to be Patsy Stone? Patrick and I were forever arguing about who got to be Patsy and who was Edina. We still LOVE this British (and homo-iconic) show from the 90's. Patrick is bringing his Platinum and Diamond Faggotty (are there two t's in 'faggotty'? - it doesn't appear to be in my SpellCheck), oh, so Special Edition Boxed Set of Absolutely Fabulous so we can re-live the good old days, just like Pats and Eddie do with the 60's.

"Nobody dies in their own vomit THESE days, Sweetie...."

Too bad I feel fat like Edina these days...and just as neurotic.

Eddie: "Theres is a THIN woman on the inside just dying to get out!"

Eddie's Mum: "Just the one, dear?"

Victoria Beckham - On the Floor in Her Armani Knickers

Call me!
a>

Victoria joins David in Armani undies...

The photo above of Richard Gere in American Gigolo just solidifies my old-school frame of reference. While I love the new advertising campaign for Armani lingerie featuring Victoria Beckham (just like hubby, David), photographed by Mert and Marcus (who shot the gorgeous Lindsay Lohan layout in this month's "Interview" magazine, remember?) it totally reminds the iconic Julian Kaye character portrayed by Gere in 1980 (!).

Speaking of Julian Kaye--that's just one of my nicknames for Patrick. When he's feeling particularly tremendous, he does this walk where he's kind of tipped over backwards, much like Julian Kaye. My favorite walk, though, is his "hoop skirt" entrance into the party. Belle of the Ball! (And announcing a` la Scarlett O'Hara, "I don't know WHICH of you boys is the handsome-est!) Let's not forget the "he walked in..to the party...like he was walking onto a yacht...", You're So Vain entrance. Oh, Patrick.

Wow. Wasn't this post supposed to be about Victoria Beckham?