Stinkfoot Suri - "What's Wrong With This Picture?" Edition

Whatever Stinkfoot wants...

Take a good look at this photo...I'll wait.

Okay. Here we have yet another chilly fall season upon us, and the parents of Stinkfoot Suri Cruise refuse to put socks or tights or a GD coat on that child. Now listen. I understand that she probably screams louder than a pissed off cockatoo when ASKED (not told) to put on a sweater.

Check out all of the full-grown dudes in coats and sweaters--and her mom, DeadEye Katie is in jeans, boots, long sleeves, a scarf and a nice hot cup of barley coffee. But there's Stinkfoot in a flimsy little summer dress and her little designer pumps with bare legs in BOSTON, where it was around 45 degrees on Sunday.

Oh, but I forgot. Suri is millions of Xenu years old and actually has a say in her upbringing. I'm going to say it now: Suri Cruise is becoming a little monster right before our eyes. 

Today's Blind Item - You Will Squeal!!

OH. MY. GOD.

"The attorneys have finally hammered out an agreement! We're finally getting close to the announcement of a split of this couple. Have you noticed how few photos there have been of them together lately? Half this couple is on a project that requires travel. The other half joins them fairly frequently, but it's really just for the sake of the children. They both have outside relationships. He has a new - albeit temporary - boy toy that his boyfriend is not too happy about. She has an extra man in her life but is afraid to be seen with him before the announcement. No need to feel bad for her, though. She will be doing a happy dance soon enough. Dance, girl, dance!" [BlindGossip]

The only word missing here is: STINKFOOT.

Squeeeeeeeallll!!!!

Katie, just come live with me, mmkay?

I'm worried about Katie.

Sad, sad, SAD.

Good Lord. This is the saddest face I've ever seen. This is not the face of a gal just tryna get away from the paps--it's a face of a gal tryna get away from her goddamned LIFE. Oh, sure. She's hanging onto Stinkfoot for dear life, but that's all that's keeping her alive. ScientoloTom is completely sucking dry Katie's will to live.I can totally picture him pacing, while loudly lecturing her, can't you? How LONG are her parents going to put up with this shit? What kind of stranglehold does that nut hold over, well, EVERYONE involved her Katie's life? I wouldn't trade lives with Katie for anything. Dude, she's not even getting her eyebrows waxed. That's some serious depression.

Here's poor Dead-Eye Katie taking Stinkfoot (how 'bout some sandals, at least??) at the American Girl store yesterday. I think this outing was another cry for help, but I seem to be the only one listening. **KATIE! You know how to contact me! Our guest room is available!**

Oh, Katie Holmes. (And Stinkfoot...)

WHO is this again??

Why is a 12-year old scruffy boy
carrying Stinkfoot around?

Because that's how CrazyAssTomCruise likes his "women", know'msayin'? There are so many things wrong with the second picture, I just don't even know where on earth to begin.

1.) The knee-length, baggy jeans shorts.

2.) The scraggly-ness of BOTH of these females. What the GDH?? I remember when I was in high school and my hair was growing out from a gawd-awful perm and THIS is what it looked like. I was embarrassed to show my head in public--and I was 16. I went to high school in Southern California; a gorgeous school a couple of blocks from the beach. I mention this to indicate just how MUCH I didn't fit in with all of the perfectly tanned, beautiful, blonde and athletic chicks. I was scrawny, brunette and never, EVER had a date.

My POINT is: Katie Holmes is turning into that very kind of dork...but I think she's being forced into it by that freak she's married to--just look at that tremendous photo of her pre-Cruisey-Scientology. NOT. THE. SAME. PERSON.

3.) STINKFOOT IS BAREFOOT. The toes might be a little bit aired out, but you just know they are still rancid.

I'd love to hear what you guys think. My hair is on fire over the demise of Katie's spirit, and perhaps her will to live.

Someone. Anyone. Help Katie.

Today's Blind Item!!

"Which well-chosen wife of a major star is so dumb she didn't know that a drag performance she'd just seen was indeed a collection of males in dresses? Does that explain why she married that husband?" [Village Voice... there are like 39 more blind items there, too]

Holy Xenu. Just how stupid is Katie (Deadeye) Holmes???

Suddenly Katie Holmes is Old.

Katie (Deadeye) Holmes and that tiny idiot,

Okay. Not suddenly, but holyLord she look like an ol' biddy! First StupidTom Cruise insisted she dress like a 12 year old boy,now he's dressing her up like his mum! Nice grandmother-of-the-bride emsemble. Wow. Here she is with that little goon at the premiere of Star Trek last night in Hollywood. Yeeeesh.

Doesn't anyone care about Katie at all? Obviously she is a miserable cow...a sulky moo, if you will. (Wink.)

I think we should band together to help dear Katie escape. Who's in?

Today's Blind Item: Follow-Up!!

"This celebrity couple's pre-nuptial agreement required the wife to stay in the relationship for a certain amount of time. However, the Stepford Wife's law firm has decided that it may be difficult to impossible for the husband to enforce this. It seems that the wife knows much more than she should about the husband's long-time and very personal relationship with another high-profile man. She is using that knowledge to get her sentence reduced and to to gain custody over the couple's kid/s.

It's still not Nicole Kidman." [BlindGossip]

Holy shit. This is the second blind item about this couple. It's sounding more and more like Tom and Katie--and she has been looking really miserable and dowdy lately. YOUR thoughts? And who might the other "high-profile man" be--Will Scientolo-Smith?

Stinkfoot Suri Eats Her Own Shoe.

Stinkfoot, please.

Here's what I'm experiencing by just quickly glancing at Stinkfoot with her own flip flop in her mouth: An angry and overactive gag-reflex and a case of the warm-drools. I'm not as concerned about the street filth that may be crawling on the bottom of that pink thong (which Stinkfoot has clearly licked clean), as I am about the self-inflicted hazardous material on the inside of the sandal. We all know her foot-stench is comparable to freshly grated parmesan cheese.

You can dress her up, but she still stinks. Of cheese. And Scientology.

Stinkfoot Suri is in CHARGE, and Romeo Beckham is...

"Take my hand and follow ME, Mommy!"

Oh boy. Stinkfoot has her little Scientolo-brow raised. She's in control of this sitch and she means it. (Of course I must mention she's wearing leggings not tights with those sparkly red shoes = sour-time when they come off.)

Poor little Romeo Beckham looks horrified. "Mum? Why must I play with a toddler? A girl toddler?" I worry a bit for Romeo. What with his uber-metro daddy and crazy-fierce mummy, he really doesn't stand a chance, if you catch my drift. He's not all athletic and butch like his brothers Cruz and Brooklyn. NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH IT...I'm just sayin'.

Katie? Hurry up. My newspaper shoulda been on my stoop two hours ago.

Stinkfoot is Taking Ballet Lessons...P.U.

Kate, Giant Stinkfoot and Blankie

Oh Stinkfoot. It's been awhile. Ya'll just know she's the only child in ballet class WITHOUT TIGHTS. Insanity, I tell ya.

I wonder if the rumors are true that pale and sickly-looking Kate is prego?

Suri is SO Over It.

"I'm DONE with all of this crap."

Since The Church of Scientology (aka CO$) claims that children are just little grown-ups (I know, I don't get it either...something about being alive for zillions of years and coming back as another grinning idiot), I think Suri is just about to spill the beans about how annoying these two are. And I can't WAIT.

I see Suri is wearing tights and her bangs are growing out. What's that all about?

Oh Katie Holmes. I Love Photoshop, Too!

"Kate" on the latest cover of "Glamour Magazine"

Thank God she's sitting down...
...because she's about to topple over from
from the weight of her existence.

Patrick is always whining that I only post hideous photos of Katie Holmes. No. I just post photos of Katie Holmes. HA! Get it??

Holy crap, though. Where is the fashion icon from about 2 years ago? Oh that's right...she's married to David Beckham! HA! Get it??

Oh Katie Holmes.

Katie? Just no.
Blinded...by...her....beauty...

Katie Holmes is dressing so strangely this week...she's been wearing palazzo pants (ya hear me talkin' to ya, Patrick?) in very drab colors on the street of NYC, and now THIS. I don't believe for a second anyone can look good in this hat...except for one person. And that one person could wear the new Isaac Mizrahi purse-hat and still look blindingly gorgeous.

Step away from the hat, Kate.