Panic Attack? Awesome.

Yeah. So. I had a panic attack today. It started in my chest. My heart was racing--I swear I could see it pounding though my shirt like in a cartoon. Then I couldn't breathe. Then I got angry. Being angry during a panic attack isn't the best idea I found; it got in the way of trying to catch the breath that was kicked out of me. What the eff?

Oh, I don't know. Maybe the fact that I'm so angry that my 19 year old son is in rehab, a-bloody-gain. Maybe the fact that I saw my best friend Patrick--who looks completely healthy, but has a deadly disease rooting around his body. Maybe I've been trying to be so strong and badass by not shedding a tear throughout all this, that my body is trying to tell me something.

"Everything happens for a reason". DOES it?? Then explain to me why my son may never get better. Why he seems to really love having an altered state of mind through drugs. And while you're at it, tell me why the sweetest, funniest man I know has a disease at age 32 that cannot be cured.

A Cause Dear to My Heart...Northeastern Boxer Rescue - Please Help Sweet Chester

Northeastern Boxer Rescue is one of the charities that I am involved with. These folks do amazing and wonderful work. I'm always happy to help whenever I can...please help this darling little boxer if you are able.

It will do your heart so much good. I promise.

Sweet Chester

IT STARTS WITH ONE PERSON WHO CARES We received an urgent email from a woman out of our area who rescued a small boxer from a horrendous situation. After you read her email you will understand why we needed to help:

“My name is Angie and I run a small mobile home park in a bad neighborhood. I took a small male boxer from a very bad man. The resident had left him out all night and he screamed and screamed until my cousin went searching for the sound. He was shocked and went and got me. I flew up there to see the dog and he cowered and screamed like I was going to hurt him. His head is no taller than a short person’s knees. He has been badly starved and abused. We have had him now for 4 days and he is gaining weight rapidly and is spunky and friendly as ever. He is good with other animals but is very protective over his food. He is a beautiful little dog but in need of medical care. Our animal control and humane society is worthless around here. Animal control or humane society would not even knock on the abuser's door to question him about the situation. They just asked if I wanted him picked up so they could put him to sleep. I can’t see such a precious pooch that lived his life in living hell to die so unnaturally. If there is any way you or if you know anyone that can help, I will be so grateful. I have 5 dogs now, 1 that is a senior citizen that is in very bad shape. I did take him to the vet the next day and he weighed 19 lbs. Since then he has filled out and gained about 5 lbs. The vet said he did have all three worms in his stool but I can‘t afford treatment. He is very intimidated by men, but has learned to trust the few around the office here.” Within minutes after reading this email, one of our volunteers responded. As fate would have it she grew up near this area and has relatives there. She immediately made the necessary arrangements to bring Chester to a Veterinary Hospital. Within twelve hours he was receiving much needed medical care. The doctors at this hospital confirmed that Chester is very thin and malnourished although he has a wonderful attitude. He tested positive for roundworm and tape worm and has been treated. Happily, he tested negative for heartworm. He has some hair loss around his ears and on his hocks so the doctor is doing a skin scraping to make sure he does not have demodectic or sarcoptic mange. We are still awaiting these results. The doctor estimated his age at eight months but they say he is extremely tiny. He will need to be neutered once he is healthier. The doctors want to observe him for 24 hours until they release him from the hospital to make sure he is OK. Chester’s story is not unlike many of the other sad cases that we have taken into our rescue program. These stories all begin with one person who cared enough to get involved and look for help. Can you donate to help CHESTER?

You can send a check directly to: Northeastern Boxer Rescue
P.O. Box 95 Sunderland MA 01375.

or use PayPal makes it easy and secure to send payments online via credit card.

Boxer Rescue Contact Area: Northeastern Boxer Rescue

A Look Into the Future!

Dr. Drew's Sober House 2015?

I was trying to figure out who I thought of every time I saw Miley Cyrus and her weird, overly bright, hillbilly teeth. I have figured it out. Read on.

Who else LOVES VH1's Sober House? Oh, it's a completely crappy show, I know. It's trainwreck-y, that's for sure. In case you don't watch it, Sober House is an offshoot of VH1's Celebrity Rehab where "celebrity" F-listers go to hang onto what precious little "celebrity" that have left. Then, if they are entertaining enough, are chosen to move into the half-way house to continue with their sobriety. So far, none of these clods are even close to being clean and sober, but that's beside the point. Along with their drugs of choice, they are addicted to camera lenses.

What was this post supposed to be about? OH! Here's who Miley Cyrus reminds me of--and perhaps a hint of what's to come? These two lovely ladies even share a voice...too many ciggies, vodka tonics and BJ's can result in that haggard porn-y honk.

Pornstar, Mary Carey

It's only a matter of time.

Tom Cruise Is Dressing Gayer Everyday and Katie Looks Like She Wants to Die.

When will Katie be rescued??

If Katie Holmes isn't pregnant, she's just plain miserable. And if she is pregnant, she's even more miserable. Now I realize I'll get some eyerolls when I say I'm quoting the anti-Scientology website, Why We Protest (www.whyweprotest.net) who is quoting The Enquirer, BUT, let's remember they have been right more often than not lately. (The John Edwards scandal, anyone? Patrick Swayze's cancer? The Enquirer had 'em first.) So. Read on, ya'll.

"As much as Tom loves her now, Katie believes that if she left him, he'd make it difficult for her to see their daughter Suri," an insider told The ENQUIRER. "She's already seen how that would play out - because after Tom and Nicole Kidman divorced, he pretty much took control of their two children."With divorce out of the question, the once happy-go-lucky Dawson's Creek star seems to have lost her vivaciousness despite living in luxury, continued the insider."Katie has everything money can buy - beautiful clothes, multimillion-dollar homes, first-class travel and endless creature comforts. But it's all under Tom's watchful eye," said the insider."Before Tom, she always had loads of friends and loved to go out. Now she must feel like she's living Tom's life, not her own. All of her so-called 'pals' are actually Tom's friends - Will Smith and his wife Jada, and David and Victoria Beckham."And it is as if she's always being monitored by Tom's family members, Scientology minders and bodyguards."

The Cruises paraded their daughter Stinkfoot Suri around at a beach located on the residential area of a Brazilian military base in Rio de Janeiro, where "she mixed with children of military staff". SURE, she did.

Nice mesh shirt, Queerbait.

Oh! Speaking of Queerbait--PATRICK is arriving today!!!

Madonna Welcomes Jesus Into Her **coughcough** Life.

"Look both ways, Sweetie..."

All the Bloggers are trying to out-do each other with blasphemous headlines because Madonna has been seen with her toddler friend Jesus Luz again, this time in London.

According to The Sun:

Last month rumours started flying around the States that the singer, 50, was dating the 22-year-old Brazilian after they posed together in a sizzling magazine shoot.

And this new snap will do nothing to dampen the speculation, as they reunited for a spot of lunch in New York.
Jesus is definitely Madge reverting to type.
He might not look like anything like ex-husband GUY RITCHIE, but he’s a dead ringer for CARLOS LEON, the father of her daughter LOURDES.

After the meal it was back to regular family business for Madge though, as she left Jesus behind to hit the shops with her three kids.
Lourdes already lives with her mum in the Big Apple and it’s thought that Madonna – who divorced Guy at the end of last year – has won a temporary residency order for sons ROCCO and DAVID to join them too.

Does anyone else think this is a little gross--even for Madonna?

Michael Phelps is Screwed. **UPDATE, Ya'll - He's Super Sorry**

Lungs of the World, Michael Phelps

Phelps’ aides went into a panic over our story and offered us a raft of extraordinary incentives not to run the bong picture.

It was on November 6, weeks after his Beijing triumph, that 23-year-old Phelps surprised students at the University Of South Carolina in Columbia by showing up unannounced at a house party.

He was visiting Jordan Matthews, a girl he was secretly seeing who was a student there.

Our source revealed: “Michael came to visit Jordan but ended up just getting wasted every night."



One of the partygoers told the tabloid:

"You could tell Michael had smoked before. He grabbed the bong and a lighter and knew exactly what to do. He looked just as natural with a bong in his hands as he does swimming in the pool. He was the gold medal winner of bong hits. Michael ended up getting a little paranoid, though, because before too long he looked like he was nervous and ran out of the place.”



A law that bans athletes for four-years for taking drugs has just hit the Olympic rule book. The US Olympics Committee, USA Swimming and Phelps’ coach Bob Bowman have refused to comment. YET.

Here is King of the Butterfaces, who had nevvvver been a ladies man or the life of the party--until he became the Olympic Phenomenon in 2008 by winning 8 gold medals for the United States. This is what happens with that kind of sudden notoriety and celebrity worship: First, run to Las Vegas and start gambling by 1.) hitting the poker tables and b.) [that bit never gets old] sleeping with strippers--which could be an even bigger gamble than throwing money into the casino's pockets, but that's beside the point.

Phelps then felt the need to grace a small-ish college town with his golden presence. All the girls flocked around him and the guys allegedly (!) watched (and took photos!) of Golden Lung inhale the deepest bong hit known to mankind.

Awesome. This falls into the category of, "I just won 8 gold medals, so I can smoke weed in front of a crowd and no one will report it" dementia.

**UPDATE**

Michael Phelps has just released the following statement:

"I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment. I'm 23 years old and despite the successes I've had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again."

Isn't this the same statement he released right after getting slapped with a DUI immediately following the 2004 Olympics? Just wonderin'.

Paris Hilton WISHES She Could be Patsy Stone, Sweetie Dahling.

Oh, Paris.
The Diva Joanna Lumley as
The Diva Patsy Stone in "Ab Fab"

The Sun reports:

"The hotel heiress sported a brand new hairdo seemingly inspired by JOANNA LUMLEY’s towering barnet in Absolutely Fabulous.

And if that wasn’t enough to draw comparisons, Paris also donned a pair of fishnet tights identical to those worn by Joanna’s alcoholic layabout alter-ego Patsy Stone in the classic sitcom. "

Who DOESN'T want to be Patsy Stone? Patrick and I were forever arguing about who got to be Patsy and who was Edina. We still LOVE this British (and homo-iconic) show from the 90's. Patrick is bringing his Platinum and Diamond Faggotty (are there two t's in 'faggotty'? - it doesn't appear to be in my SpellCheck), oh, so Special Edition Boxed Set of Absolutely Fabulous so we can re-live the good old days, just like Pats and Eddie do with the 60's.

"Nobody dies in their own vomit THESE days, Sweetie...."

Too bad I feel fat like Edina these days...and just as neurotic.

Eddie: "Theres is a THIN woman on the inside just dying to get out!"

Eddie's Mum: "Just the one, dear?"