If it's Monday, it must be time for a Lindsay Lohan NSFW photo, right?

So fresh, so clean and refined.

I swear, if the lovely folks at Vivid haven't placed calls to Lindsay's um, people (read: her Twitter account), to do some good, old-fashioned pornography for us, they should be ashamed of themselves.

Or maybe I should be ashamed of my own damn self for posting this out-take from Lindsay's MUSE Magazine photoshoot. It's called, Full Body Fishnets and Toilet Seat, I think. 

Lindsay Lohan's MUSE Magazine video - Porn audition or ciggie ad? (Oh, NSFW)

Oh, Lindsay.

Wow. Here's the thing. I don't think real porn stars are hot. They are all so fake, hard boobs, and just so...artificial. Jenna Jameson? No, thank you. So I believe Lindsay should just give in to doing the porn now  and make some of us happy. (Don't act like you wouldn't love to see it, too.)

Here we have a video now, of Lindsay's photoshoot from her MUSE Magazine piece. Ummm. I know it's a little (?) trashy and there are waaay too many ciggies being smoked, but I'm not going to say that she doesn't look a little sexy, because I think she does. (I am concerned about the possibility of a mattress fire, though.) All the other celebrity bloggers are saying Linds looks gross. I'm not gonna jump on that train. No, sir.

Sometimes I'm really amazed at things I reveal to you guys. (Cringing a little.)

A couple of Lindsay Lohan's photos from MUSE Magazine. Hmmmmm. (NSFW, FYI)

 

 

 

 

Sorry for this last one.

Girl ain't got no ass whatsoever.

Photographer Yu Tsai spoke to the NY Post and said about his photoshoot with Lindsay Lohan and a couple of other freaks models about her "homage" to Kate Moss and Johnny Depp's relationship:

"The three of them were very sensual and provocative, but Lindsay understands this piece was created not for any sensational value other than artistic integrity," Tsai said. "There was never a discussion about pushing the boundaries. (BOUNDARIES? HAHAHAHA! Good one.) She was totally comfortable with the nudity as long as it had artistic integrity.

"When you see her nipple, it just happened in the moment. She was playing the role of Kate Moss -- you're at a party and you are with a guy you really love and another girl."

I feel badly for Johnny Depp's name being thrown into this pot of crap. Now, Kate's trashy name deserves every bit of it -- I understand she even approves of this mess.

Honestly. Lindsay looks like a coked-up whore. And I mean that in the sweetest way possible. 

Lindsay Lohan was dating HEATH LEDGER just before he died? I'm so SURE.

 

Sigh.

Seriously. Heath's been dead for almost two years now, and the Lohan "family" (?) is just NOW starting rumors about Lindsay supposedly dating Heath Ledger at the time of his death? (Wait. Did I just hear MaryKate breathe a sigh of guilty relief?)

via RadarOnline:

"...Dina Lohan drops the bombshell that her daughter Lindsay was secretly dating Heath Ledger when he died and his death devastated her.

“She was dating Heath when he died,” Dina reveals to Michael. “I don’t know if you know that, but I know cause I would drop her off and they were friends very, very close, ok?”

Dina told Michael about the relationship because she was afraid for Lindsay’s life too: “Because when she’s drunk or takes an Adderall with it she will do something like Heath Ledger did in a second without thinking.”

She said that the actor’s death was a terrible shock to Lindsay. “That f****d her up,” Dina says."

ForpitySAKE. Since WHEN did the Lohan's become all private and shit? Don't you think this piece of juiciness woulda been ALL. OVER. EVERY-EFFING-WHERE back when Heath died??

Still. I'll bet certain other "starlets" are happy to let Linds take this one. 

Know'msayin'?   

Lindsay Lohan doesn't stand a CHANCE with a parent like Michael Lohan.

Lindsay at the Whitney Gala

a couple of weeks ago.

Note the "manicure".

This girl is a wreck. No one will hire her for an acting job. She makes money by showing up for club parties. I actually fear for her life at this point; especially after hearing about her asshole father and his media tactics for attention regarding private family matters. These people do NOT know how to LIVE privately. Dina and Michael Lohan are complete lowlife, using, opportunistic losers. 

via ContactMusic.com

"He [Michael Lohan] tells New Yok Post gossip column Page Six, "I am going to go to court to get a legal conservatorship to get Lindsay into rehab and finally get her off all the prescription meds. Dina is going to sit down with me and the lawyers and make things right for Lindsay. She is taking Adderol, Xanax, Paxil. She’s a beautiful girl but she looks 100 years old."

"A three-minute audiotape of a distraught Lindsay Lohan claiming "no one cares about me" has been released by RadarOnline, which obtained it from the Merrick native's dad.

"Mommy says that I'm worse than you were," a crying Lindsay is heard telling father Michael Lohan on the tape. It's unclear when the recording was made, although Lindsay herself was quick to tweet Wednesday that it was "from years ago."

"My father's such a loser," she posted on her Twitter account Wednesday afternoon. "To release personal things is foul enough, but to edit them(?) I used to think that he needed the book for dummies on learning how to be a father.

"Ha ha - he needs the book for dummies on HOW TO BE A MAN."

Radar says the audio recording is the first of several in its possession recorded from phone calls Lindsay and her mother, Dina, made to Michael Lohan.

Michael Lohan has been saying publicly that he wants conservatorship of his daughter.

Radar says he released the tape in an attempt to "disprove" claims from those around his daughter that she's fine."

TMZ.com reports that Lindsay Lohan has contacted attorney Shawn Chapman Holley, asking her to get a restraining order against Michael.
Chapman Holley told TMZ that aside from getting a restraining order, she could file a defamation lawsuit against Michael Lohan on Lindsay's behalf."

I feel badly for Lindsay. I really do. I don't think she'll live through this mess.

Just Say "As IF", Lindsay.

Lindsay. Come ON. 

I'm beginning to think Lindsay Lohan just may enjoy having her name and picture all up in the media. Whaaaa? No! I've  been too busy loving her, hating her, winking at Samantha Ronson and disapproving her LITTLE sister, Ali to even notice that she just might be a FameHo.

Here she is this weekend in Beverly Hills trying to be ironic. WHAT is written all over her hand? Dealer numbers? Or am I seeing things? 

I just can't believe it...I've been duped. Lindsay had me fooled that she was actually a serious actress with serious dreams of success. You know, a Jodie Foster for the new Generation, if you will.

As if. I'm just yankin' ya.

Separated at Birth...

Lindsay

Gollum. Bleh.

OhdearLawd. We seem to have an anorexia-theme today. LINDSAY!! Honestly! These pictures are NOT going to help your career. I know for a fact they will help you become the Pro-Ana SpokesSTICK, though.

Nicely done.

Blind Item of the Day!

Us Weekly - Who scores so much attention from paparazzi while she is at the beauty salon that other stars schedule their services around her?

Oh brother. This could be anyone. But the word "scores" may give a hint: Eva Longoria, married to Tony Parker, NBA basketball star? Then the obvious Lindsay Lohan, who "scores" drugs...and loves her long weave. Decisions, decisions.

Dr. Drew (aka Dr. Dreamboat) Says Lindsay's Gonna Crash.

Dr. Dreamboat Drew
Oh, Lindsay.

Unfit Parents, Michael and Dina Lohan. Gross.

Swoon...anytime I get to post a picture of Dr. Drew Pinsky (Dr. Dreamboat), believe me, I will. The Dreamboat is giving his sexy-voiced opinion about our girl, Linds. Sigh. Lindsay? Please don't die. I know your parents are Class A A-holes, but you have got to get it together.

"The top Hollywood addiction specialist who predicted Britney Spears' meltdown feels sure Lindsay Lohan is heading for darker days following her split from girlfriend Samantha Ronson. (Dipped in Cream's new obsession! Oh, Sam!)

Dr. Drew Pinsky, who fronts hit reality TV show "Celebrity Rehab," insists Lohan is a classic addict who is heading for a breakdown.

The medic, who hasn't treated the actress, tells news show Extra, "She's a straight-up addict," and she needs help.

He adds, "I've been saying for a while she's gonna have a major, major blow-out... before she becomes motivated to really capitulate to treatment."

And Dr. Pinsky feels Lohan and her worried parents should follow the example set by Spears' mom and dad, who forced the pop superstar into therapy as she started to crack up in 2007.

He explains, "Britney had a severe mental illness... Britney's only alive because of the actions of her parents."

Never gonna happen. Lindsay's parents, Dina and Michael are narcisistic leeches who don't know how to do anything except enable and exploit their kids.

Lindsay? You're Lying Right This Minute.

The non-drinking, drugging and lying Lindsay Lohan.

This is awesome. Lindsay wants us to believe that she "doesn't drink, do drugs or lie", according to E! News:

On her relationship with Samantha Ronson:"They need to stop saying we're fighting. People telling lies about me to her and all this garbage. I'm really a good person and I have a good heart and just want to work
and the only reason I go to clubs is to hear Samantha spin or be normal."

On the "real" Lindsay Lohan:

"I don't drink, I don't do drugs and I don't lie. I love to act and write and be creative and I want to help people by playing characters that can send a positive message out to whomever may need it."
On why she can't get work:"If people would just leave my personal life alone--because it's really not that interesting--then I could land a great role. But all the sicko fans and the noise is so distracting."

On her dreams:

"I'd like to have my own charity, do work overseas, be in Oscar-nominated films, write movies, produce movies/shows/videos, design clothes, make music, write books, etc. It's all possible if people would just stop judging me and accusing me and making me out to be this aloof, spoiled, ungrateful and unprofessional person that I am not and could never be."

Oh, Lindsay. This is why we love you. You're actually quite self-aware in how you perceive the public veiws you and your behavior.

Oh, and your pants are on fire. (Please insert joke here:__________)

Oh, Lindsay. I'm Embarrassed FOR You.

Holy CRAP this is CRAP.

Here's our girl Lindsay in some Italian clothing line commercial. I guess I can't blamer her for the cheesiness of it all (and no, I don't think the producers are being "ironic" or "kitschy--ads in Italy are this lame). But I can certainly blame her for whoring herself. But hey, coke's not cheap, is it Linds?

"Sevin Nyne"...Oh Lindsay.

Lindsay's new product makes you have to pee, I guess.

When asked by People why she put out her own line of spray tan, Lindsay Lohan said,

“As much as I love the sun, it is so bad for your skin. I have tried every product on the market and never found something that I loved. It was important to me to have a natural product that didn’t have a lot of dyes and chemicals. Our product has goji berry extract which has antioxidant properties, it has a natural golden color, it doesn’t streak and smells delicious — not like a typical tanning product.”

And judging by her awkward contortion in the promo picture up there, it seems to cause urinary tract infections and turns ya HI C orange. Sweet. Oh yeah, it's called "Sevin Nyne". That has got to be some codeword for coke. Seven and nine surround EIGHT, as in 8-ball? Lindsay's weight, due to her diet of cocaine and Red Bull? Take your pick.

Lindsay Lohan Has an Entire Meal in London!

"Mmmmmmm"

That oughta hold her for a few days.

Lindsay is Sagging...and Not Just Her Career. And Speaking of Boobs? Sharon Stone, WHAT the GDH?

This is what happens when you

DON'T EAT.

Actually, Lindsay is lucky her boobs have stuck around this long...but it looks like they are beginning their haitus. She coulda worn a bra with that weird dress, too, by the way.

Then we have elder-stateswoman, Sharon Stone showing off the goodies we don't care to see.

Yikes, Sharon. Really?

I admit it. Sharon's boobs look good. (If you tilt your computer screen just right, you will see what I'm talking about.) She's over 50, ya'll. However. When is it okay for women to wear see-through dresses in public? (Unless you are one of the following, of course: Carmen Electra; any of Hef's girlfriends..you get the idea...hoochies.) Des-per-ate.

Neither one of these (ahem) "ladies" attended the actual Oscar ceremony, but felt the need to trot around town looking for parties that might allow them to enter.

Lindsay, Sam and Cadillac (the Bulldog!)

Awwww...lesbians and their doggies. WHAT could be sweeter??

SamLo and Caddy

After a hard afternoon of shopping in a Beverly Hill jewelry store (for sparkly things and a new watch for Sam), the gals take their darling bulldog, Cadillac for a stroll.

SUCH a hard life these two lead. They may need to call out sick again to recover.

Lindsay Makes "Raisinface" Rachel Zoe Look Like a Cow!

Lindsay, Some Designer I Could Not Care Less About

and StupidRachelZoe, "Stylist to the Stars"
Lindsay, the day after she called out
"sick" from a scheduled appearance with Sam,
who was also "sick".


I think we've seen this look on

Linds before...just prior to rehab.

Just a quick reminder of why we loathe Rachel Zoe...

"Rachel is a celebrity stylist whose most notable clients are Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan. Hate those ugly head scarfs Nicole is always sporting? What about those 80’s leggins that Lindsay seems to live in? Well this is the woman to blame for all that ugly. Rachel has been accused of being more than just the woman who brings style to Nicole and Lindsay. Some tabloids reported this summer that Rachel was in fact the girls drug dealer. I doubt that she is personally responsible for the obvious drug use of some of her clients, but it seems fishy that her two biggest clients have struggled with weight issues and/or eating disorders."

Now, we don't have proof that Lindsay is still using Clenbuteral, StupidRachelZoe's weight-loss steroid of choice for her clients. Google it--you'll see what I'm talkin' about. I can't really see Lindsay taking a weight-loss pharmaceutical that doesn't give some other "benefit". ..like phantom itching and a runny nose. Just sayin'.

Lindsay and Sam - Another Girlfight!

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson...

are fighting again. Sheeesh.

"Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson left their hotel in New York City tonight to go to a party for Charlotte Ronson at The Eldridge. Two hours later, Samantha Ronson snuck out a back door and was halfway up the block when Lindsay, who was visibly upset, ran out and started running after Samantha and screaming her name out loud. After she caught up with her they were arguing and Lindsay kept repeating "Don't do this to me Sam!". Samantha kept running ahead of Lindsay and Lindsay kept chasing her several blocks back to their hotel where she stormed in after her. "

GIRLS! Don't make me pull this car over. I'll do it! Honestly. Do I have to separate you two?? SEPARATE, and quit looking at her mean!! Gaaahh!! You two give me SUCH a pain in my eye!

Lindsay is Getting Really Skinny and Ali Hates Her.

Lindsay and li'l sis, Ali Lohan

This picture kills me. Check out Ali...first of all, she's PISSED that the paps aren't interested in her in the least and looks as though she's texting someone about just how pissed off she is about it all. "God, I H8 her!"

Lindsay seems to have a bag of her new diet: ciggies, vodka and cocaine, judging by the circumference of her limbs.

And lastly, I know it's been said many times by other people--but not me yet: Ali looks like she's 35 years old. She's 15! Can you even believe it?

Lindsay at 15 on the left, and Ali at 15 on the right...WHAT??

What the HELL?? What 15 year old looks like this? She has a world-weary appearance as though she's been a chain-smoking cocktail waitress for 25 years and still looks sorta hot...when you're drunk.

Lindsay Lohan - "Interview" Magazine Cover Girl

Lindsay, photographed by Mert and Marcus
Very pretty...


Here's the thing: For some reason, I like Lindsay. She fascinates me and I can't really pinpoint why. I think she's actually a good actress (a singer? Not so much). Her family is totally screwy and she's doing the best she can. Yeah, she's diva onset (so were Elizabeth Taylor, Marilyn Monroe, Kim Basinger, Demi Moore...who ISN'T?). So what. Sure she needs to improve her image. Maybe she could start with having her coffee delivered every morning, rather than being caught by the paps Every, Single. Day. Lay low for a bit, Linds. Disappear so we'll miss you.

Here is a small exerpt from the latest issue of "Interview" magazine by Lauren Hutton.

LH: You were a kid when you started working.
LL: I wanted to be a movie star. But movie stars are not what they used to be. When I was a kid, I thought movie stars were women and men who were in these great films that we still look at now. But I don't think there are too many films coming out these days that we're going to look at in the future and say, "This is one of the great ones." Like, what is the great film that I will tell my children about? I'm still going to tell them about the old films, the Hitchcock films. And people my age don't even know who those people are. I can't even have a conversation with most people of my generation about that, because they'd be like, "Okay, she's a freak. Something's wrong with her." And the worst part is, in terms of what people see of me, I have become this girl who just loves to be photographed, doesn't know how to focus, doesn't know how to work on set, just loves the attention, knows how to go out at night, knows how to party. And you know what? I was 20 years old. I never went to college. And I lived maybe six months out of my life like that, doing something wrong, and then I stopped. God forbid I should have ever learned my lesson. But at this point it's so hard for people to even believe that there was a lesson to be learned at all, because they just think I'm wrong. All these people think I'm never going to be right, because it's more interesting to fabricate this other girl. Who wants to read a tabloid story about a girl who is doing well?
LH: Or a girl who takes her responsibilities seriously.
LL: I mean, it's this business. Heath Ledger once said something about this to me. He said: "It's build you up to knock you down, and that's all it is. And you just have to see if you can stand through it." And it is like that, if you put yourself in this situation. I was young, so maybe I did . . . I always wanted to take the blame. I've always been apologetic for other people's faults.

Did she really just name-drop Heath Ledger? Yikes. The girl can't help it.

Samantha Ronson is Really Tired, Man.

Sam just needs a snack and a nap.

Listen, YOU try keeping up with Lindsay! I knew Sam's morning IV of Red Bull and vodka was gonna catch up with her eventually.

"X17 photographers witnessed Lindsay's g-friend Samantha Ronson rushed to the hospital just an hour ago!
Lindsay and an assistant escorted Sam from her Los Feliz home to a local hospital. Sam and Lindsay were in the back seat of the car - Samantha lying down on Linday's lap the whole time. (Luckeeeeee.)
Sam was taken from the car into the emergency entrance of the hospital in a wheelchair."

Seems that Sam isn't getting enough to eat or enough sleep. I tell ya what: If Sam had come to Casa Palmera aka Paloma Picasso when I was there, I never woulda left. (Until SHE did, of course!) I'm totally queer for Sam AND Lindsay. There. I said it.