Brad runs back to Jen? Oh, whatEVER.

"Hi..umm..is Brad there?"

Personally, I think this is a load of crap--but since when do I steer clear of CRAP? I know, right? So, yeah. The oh-so reputable (and I mean that in the sweetest way possible) Daily Mail is blabbing that Brad and Jen are having "secret meetings" again. Oh brother.

via The Daily Mail:


"Brad Pitt is said to have held a secret meeting with his ex-wife Jennifer Aniston during a recent trip to New York. The pair, who ended their five-year marriage in 2005, met up at a hotel in the city for an hour where Brad unloaded his emotional baggage, according to Grazia magazine.

The Hollywood star allegedly told Aniston about his relationship problems with Angelina Jolie, whom he hooked up with after walking out on the Friends actress. It comes amid reports that Brad and Jennifer are in regular phone contact and - if true - their latest encounter marks their second private meeting together in the Big Apple this year.

A source told Grazia that Jennifer agreed to visit Brad in his suite at the Essex House hotel, next to Central Park. 'She arrived at his hotel suite a matter of hours after they had spoken. Brad was unloading his emotional baggage on Jen, which isn't exactly fair considering their history.' But the source added: 'She was quick to tell him she wanted no part in his break-up with Angelina.' At first she was reported to be reluctant to meet with her former husband.


But the magazine alleges Brad got his mother Jane - who is famously still close to Jen - to persuade her to meet with him and give some advice. It comes amid claims that his four-year relationship with Angelina has hit the rocks."

Jen? Take ANOTHER good, hard look.

I totally call bullshit on this one...I think DesperAniston is calling this crap into the tabloids. Oh, that would really make me smile. Just the thought of it makes me giggle.


THANKS, ANNETTE!

Kanye the Asshole Half-Asses an Apology to Taylor Swift, Then Removes It.

 

What?

I really have been trying to clean up my dirty mouth the past couple of months. Quite noble of me, yes? Well. That all went down the toilet last night after witnessing the biggest fucking asshole the recording industry has ever seen.

We've all seen the footage (shown below) of that little bitch Kanye West steal a wonderful moment of winning an MTV Video Music Award from Taylor Swift. (My hair is still on fire, by the way, and it smells awful.)

Here's The Asshole's half-ass apology on his CAPS LOCK BLOG. He apparently has since taken it down.

I'd love to hear your feelings on this piece of shit. I think you already know mine.

Mariah Carey is on my last GD nerve.

 

OhforpitySAKE, Mimoo!

I actually feel sorry for Nick Cannon. I'm not entirely sure he knew what he was getting into by marrying this "eternally 12-year old" (her words) piece of crazy. He's her footman, umbrella carrier, Hello Kitty curator...you get the idea. According to her ex-bitch Eminem, she doesn't care for the sex, so, yeah. Poor Nick.

 

Check out Mimoo's size 4-Toddler XXXXXXXL tutu performing at the Palms in Las Vegas. You know, I shop a lot in the baby department these days because of my Meatpie Felix. I always see these tremendous little ballerina get-ups in the little girls' department; I sigh and think, "someday maybe I'll have a baby granddaughter to shop for".  But wait. It appears as though I can simply dress myself like a giant toddler-ballerina. It sure didn't stop Mariah Carey, did it?

I want one in black. I want to be the black swan from "Swan Lake". Clearly I could pull it off, oui?

       

All.The. Rage. Hell yeah, bitches. Break out the tutus. I give you permission. And so does Mimoo.

Today's Blind Item - Weird Beach Behavior Edition

 

. "This over-30 TV actress spent the weekend in a popular beach town. While it is unknown if she spent much time in the water, she did spend plenty of time walking up and down the sandy shores in her bikini. She wasn't really walking at a speed that would be considered exercise. She would just stroll approximately 100 feet, stop, stretch in yoga-type pose, and then continue walking. When she hit a certain point on the shoreline, she would turn around and repeat. Very odd. It was as if she desperately wanted to make sure that every person on that specific stretch of beach to know she was there. 

Perhaps she was trying to get the attention of one certain guy on the beach. Yes, her ex was there… with someone else. And he never even looked at her. Or perhaps she wanted someone in the business to notice her and offer her a job?" 

[Blind Gossip]

Gee, this is lame. It's pretty much high school behavior. "C'mon. Walk with me down this hall...I KNOW it's out of our way! He'll see me!"

Pam or Nicolette?

Michael Vick? Aww HELL No. Apology NOT Accepted. WARNING: Horrific photo

THIS is what dog fighting IS.

Michael Vick - still a cold-hearted criminal.

We're all supposed to say "Oh, Michael. You're forgiven." Guess what? I don't forgive him. This letter or blog or whatever it is, is simply a device to gain public sympathy. I've posted this dumbass's attempt at gaining our forgiveness, when in reality, all he really wants is to make a mighty fine living again in the NFL--and this is how it's done, apparently:

Vick (or someone on his payroll, perhaps) writes:

I’m sorry. That’s the place where I need to begin. My feeling of remorse. I ain’t never written a blog before, so putting my thoughts down on paper is a challenge - however it’s a challenge I must face. I can look a 250 pound linebacker in his eyes at the line of scrimmage and have no fear. But expressing myself when I know that there are millions of people who are so angry with me, and rightfully so, is a challenge unlike any other I have faced before.

What I did was horrendous. Awful. Inhumane. And I’ve no excuses for my actions. It makes my heart hurt now to think about what I’ve done. And I’m gonna be real honest, it took a while for me to get to this place.

Sitting in a prison cell didn’t make me feel remorse. It was meeting so many animal lovers, speaking with them and looking them in their eyes. Staring at them. Looking so deep into their eyes that I began to feel their pain. Allowing that pain to enter into my body is when I started to understand how bad it really was. I have been trying hard to connect with people who feel this pain,because for my whole life I was disconnected from the suffering of animals. And you might say, “come on Mike, how could you do those things to those dogs?” And you’re right…I
ask myself those questions every day. What kind of person does this? How does a human-being treat dogs or any animal with such pain and cruelty? And the hard part for me is the answer to these questions. Because the answer is ME. And I am trying so hard right now to become a better person, because who I was, I am ashamed of.

Cause see, my whole life has been numb. I was numb to the violence in my community…cause I saw it all the time, ever since I was a child. I mean, how does one grow up in a city that’s nickname is Bad Newz? You can probably guess that from the jump, ya’ know I’ve seen some bad things in my life. And football was the only way that I could escape. As a kid, I even used to go out fishing, and most of the times I wouldn’t catch a darn thing, but just needed to get away from the chaos every once in a while. So, when the commissioner called my name as the #1 draft pick in the NFL - the first time a black quarterback had ever been chosen as the #1 pick, I thought my life was all good. But, what I didn’t realize then, that I have begun to realize now, is that even though I had more money in my pocket, big cars and big houses, I was still numb. And when I say numb, I ain’t talkin about not realizing the stuff that was going on around me, it was just like I was living life asleep. However, that is still no excuse for what I did. But let’s not forget that there are still hundreds of thousands of young people growing in similar environments and seeing violence at a young age has severe consequences.

Now that I’m trying my best to wake up, I know I have a lot of work to do. And this isn’t about trying to win a Super Bowl ring or a MVP trophy…this is about trying to save lives. I think back to when I use to play football and of course I use to see all those kids in the stands wearing #7 jerseys. And I would never want them to look up to the Michael Vick who did all of those terrible things to the dogs. I know where I need to do the most work is with all of the people around the world who continue to fight dogs. Let me be straight forward with y’all: What I did was wrong, and what you’re doing is wrong. We must stop dog fighting, and I will do everything in my power to be a voice of someone who has finally woken up from the numbness, and knows just how bad it really is. My mission now is to be a source of service to save many animals. I am working very closely with The Humane Society and will be launching a new campaign shortly. If I had one hope in life, it would be that my actions will speak louder than my words. I know it will be hard to forgive me until you see my sincerity through my actions, but I promise you and I promise myself that that day will come.

Lastly, I accept this challenge, not of writing this blog, but of redeeming myself.

Uh huh. So, you looked into "doglover's eyes", did you Michael? How about the DOG's eyes? Maybe they are still just a piece of meat and a wad of cash?

You know, serial killers become "numb" to seeing blood and torture, too. Sometimes they begin with animals. And NO. I'm not saying that's where Vick was headed. Where's the MONEY in that?

Feel free to challenge me on this one, guys. (I have a feeling you won't.)

Jennifer Aniston embraces being The Lonely Girl...and it's a good thing.

It's time to zip up that jacket, Ma'am.

It's a good thing Chiniston is "fine" with being the poster-spinster for well, spinsters, huh? (Is one actually a spinster even having been left for someone more beautiful, interesting, exotic, talented?)

I know one thing: I'm SICK of seeing her partially (or worse, NON-clothed) body. Here's part of Jen's interview in Elle Magazine:

"How can this be the girl nobody wants to love?

Sultry Jennifer Aniston — striking a sexy, shirtless pose for Elle magazine — says she doesn’t mind that her dismal dating life has earned her the label “the lonely girl.”

“I’m not going to ignore the pink elephant in the living room,” the stunning 40-year-old cracks in an in terview that hits stands this week. “It’s fine. I can take it,” she says.

Aniston — whose beaus since her 2005 split with hubby Brad Pitt have included Vince Vaughn, model Paul Sculfor and John Mayer — said she’s fully supportive of “anybody who is in a place that’s not their strongest [but] is ready to push forward.”

“If I’m the emblem for ‘this is what it looks like to be the lonely girl getting on with her life,’ so be it.” Aniston said.

“I can make fun of myself,” she said. “And I’ll bring it up as long as the world is bringing it up.” Or even if NO ONE ELSE IS!!

Humor has long been Aniston’s strong suit.

“I remember being 7 and asking my mom if I was as pretty as [my best friend] Monique,” the actress recounted. “And with all the love in the world, my mom looked at me and said, ‘Oh, honey, you’re so funny.’ Wow, Mom. That could be why Jen's so effed-up. I feel sorta sad now.

“So, she doesn’t lie to me . . . She answers the question by not answering and instead tells me what she thinks is my greatest strength.”

Her parents, Aniston recalled, were funny and made each other laugh “like nobody’s business.”

“I put a lot of value in that at a very young age,” she said.

Aniston told the mag that her love woes are nothing compared with the “brick walls” she’s had to break through from her childhood.

The hardest part: “My dad walking out and not seeing him for a year and not knowing where he was . . . Trying to understand, ‘Where did that person go?’ ” she explained.

Aniston’s actor parents, Nancy Dow and John Aniston, split when she was 9.

The star says that if she weren’t an actress, her dream job would be to become a microsurgeon.

“The intense focus and detail . . . completely fascinate me,” she said.

My eyes are rolling like a slot machine. Someone call the Pit Boss to reset them.

When is a woman too old to dress like this?

Oh, forpitySAKE!

I think we all know by now that I'm no prude. But really? Does Chinston have to dress like this all the damn time? What is she now, 50? (I know, whatever.) It's unseemly, Jen...and DES. PER. ATE.

Ugh. No wonder John Mayer left her needy ass. And yes--that's how it went down. He had to change his number due to her incessant texts, voice-mails and other nuttiness in the end. It was ugly.

It's true.

Jada Pinkett-Smith Makes Me Wanna Wretch

OhforPITYsake.

Who is willing to hold my hair back while I puke? These two really need to knock this the eff off. Both of them better call 911, because their pants are SO on fire that I think they are to blame for the Southern California fires. Check out the crap that Jada told Self Magazine:

"When you have three kids, you've got to take your opportunities when they come. In a limo, on the way to the Academy Awards this year, Will started looking at me in this way that drives me wild. We started kissing passionately, and the next thing I knew, well, let's just say we missed the red carpet and I ended up with almost no makeup on."

That is complete and utter crap. Any woman on her way to the OSCARS, would never let anyone (especially her husband?) touch her ass--let alone her FACE prior to the biggest night in Hollywood--especially when she's lookin' for work. Oh, that and the fact they both had just groomed their BEARDS. Know'msayin'??

Jennifer Aniston says: "As we grow older, our chins get bigger, RIGHT??"

Jen's dangerously close to Leno territory.

THAT is a goddamn monstrosity, you guys. I honestly don't remember Jen being so chin-ified when she was on "Friends", do you?? Holy Lord, that's jumbo. I don't CARE if she has a decent body--she's not cute, as my gays like to say.

And get ready to laugh. The National Enquirer (aka THE BIBLE) is reporting that Jen is feeling like everyone thinks she's desperate, after Bradley Cooper made it crystal clear that he didn't like her "that way".

[Regarding Bradley Cooper] "It was a huge embarrassment for Jennifer — now she feels used an upset — her confidence has taken yet another knock and she’s back at square one in terms of dating. Jen was so happy to be dating Bradley. She saw him as a hot new guy who was finally a worthy replacement for John and Brad."

Did I mention that Jennifer Aniston has an unusually large and unattractive chin and that it damn near takes up three-quarters of her face?

Oh. Sorry.

Perez Hilton is Wussy and Scaredy.

Wuss

The hateful and heartless, Perez Hilton

Good. I'm happy to hear that that wussy a-hole, Perez Hilton is all nervey and scaredy after his hateful remarks immediately following the news of Michael Jackson's passing. The website "The Gawker" has written a very funny, yet important blog about the idiot known as Perez Hilton:

Via The Gawker:

"Infamous gossip monger/dirtbag Perez Hilton has maybe had the worst week of his life. And it's beginning to show: Perez is blogging scared. Is this the end for him?

Perez (née Mario Lavandeira) got a literal slap upside the head by Will.I.Am's manager earlier this week, and a few figuratively slaps upside the head by celebrities who once willingly participated in his sadomasochistic, symbiotic celebrity-industrial complex for his poor handling of Michael Jackson's death. Because of both, Lavandeira's clearly shaken, and isn't doing too well.

The cracks in his mini-empire are beginning to show. Little of the trademark viciousness or salaciousness Perez typically attracts readers to his site with has been around lately..."

There is one particular celebrity blogger whom I find hilarious. It's Michael K. who writes "D-Listed". There isn't a day that goes by that I don't LITERALLY laugh out loud when reading this blog. I often wish I could be as funny and ridiculous as he is, but I can't compare our blogs. Mine goes from silly-mean in one post to personal and full of self-pity (or loathing, as the case may be), on the next blog. So, if you really want an alternative to that a-hole who's pictured above, please go to D-Listed. www.dlisted.com

In other words: BOYCOTT that hateful bitch's website.

Keep your money. Here's enough Jon & Kate for a GD LIFETIME.

Can we STOP with all this??

GAAAAHHH! I've freakin' HAD it with these two fame-whores. I simply cannot take it anymore. Jon & Kate (it's a law the we use the ampersand) have hated each other for years, have been living separate lives for months as well as allegedly (pssh) cheating on each other for ages, Jon's hairplugs look like crap and Kate's bellybutton is freakishly too high on her square torso.

Oh, and now it's being reported the 8 kids are complaining about Mommy being "mean", and whining, "where's Daddy?". They won't be happy until their divorce proceedings are scheduled on Judge Judy's court docket.

You've GOT to be kidding me. Sean Penn and Robin Wright call off divorce a-bloody-GAIN??

Uhhhh...good luhhhhck with that.

Oh, to be a fly on THAT wall. "Listen Robin. I'll try to keep my screwing around with starlets out of the media. That's ALL I can promise. What do you MEAN what's that on my nose??"

Yeeesh. My sympathies are wearing a bit thin where Robin is concerned. Is Sean really worth the trouble? According to People Magazine these two have called of their divorce proceedings for the THIRD (millionth) time.

"The Oscar-winning actor filed a request Tuesday to dismiss his legal separation case, Marin County, Calif., court records show. "This appears to imply that they're reconciling again," says L.A. divorce lawyer Lynn Soodik, who is not involved with the case.

"It's unlikely Sean Penn would request a dismissal for any other reason." This is the second time the actor has rescinded divorce papers. Penn, 48, and Wright Penn, 43, started divorce proceedings in December 2007 after 11 years of marriage. But they put the brakes on their divorce action four months later, in April 2008, when a court clerk dismissed the divorce petition at their request. "

Why do I feel as though I'll be reporting that these two are breaking up for the four millionth time due to coke and screwing around again? Oh, Robin. How's Rihanna supposed to learn??

Lindsay Lohan Got a Job AND Burglarized! What luck!

This is what 22 looks like.

Oh Lindsay. You finally got a jobby-job (other than the kind we are always hearing about...I hope that you didn't use those skills to get this part). But then someone breaks into your house, the cops call it a pigstye, but that the Hamburglar (Cokeburglar?) didn't make the mess because the bumbling thief couldn't get the door open. I have a feeling being called a poor housekeeper upset you more than being called Coke-Head Barbie, unemployed and Stalker of Sam.

People Magazine reported:

"While the driver stayed inside, the passenger suspect stepped out of the vehicle, walked through a gate and entered the backyard of the residence," say police, who are seeking the public's help in identifying the suspects."Investigators believed that the suspect tried to gain entry by using an unknown type tool to pry open a back window and door. After the unsuccessful attempt, the suspects drove off."

So about Lindsay's job:

E! News reports:
Lindsay Lohan is going back to The Other Side, starring in an indie fantasy comedy alongside Woody Harrelson, Giovanni Ribisi, Dave Matthews and Alanis Morissette. The film centers on a grad student who spends the summer working at a science institute on a remote island and discovers the location has a secret history. Cameras roll in Massachusetts this October.

Ya'll better add this masterpiece to your Netflix queue, 'cause it's goin' straight to video. Stat.

Lindsay Lohan to Mel B: "Um, are you accepting applications?"

Lindsay w/her finger and

two pair of ugly shoes

Linds, the Producer of "Peepshow",

Mel B. and her hubby, so-and-so.

Popsugar UK is reporting:

"Lindsay Lohan, Charlie Sheen and Stephen Belafonte were amongst the guests at Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino in Las Vegas to attend the opening of PEEPSHOW, Melanie Brown's new burlesque-style show. Mel performs alongside fellow Dancing with the Stars alumnus Kelly Monaco, and although neither of them appear topless, the showgirls surrounding them do. Lindsay apparently told Mel she is "back on men" and left with a mystery man at midnight. This follows reports of Lindsay flirting with Leonardo DiCaprio at My House in Hollywood on Wednesday night. Sounds like she won't need that dating service any more."

This sounds like a low-rent Pussycat Dolls rip-off, doesn't it? A couple of things: Doesn't Charlie Sheen have newborn twins at home? Lindsay is "back on men"? Doesn't she know we love her as a lesbian? Now she's just some unemployed drunkgirl who's way too skinny and loves doing coke. Nothing interesting about that. Where's my Samantha Ronson? I miss her.

So Linds was in Vegas filling out job applications. I guess after she hit up Forever 21, In 'n Out Burger and The Sapphire Gentleman's Club (yeah, I've been there, what of it??) she thought she'd hit up former Spice Girl, Mel B. for a position. I am hearing Adam Ant singing again: "Desperate, But Not Serious". I love that song. It's a great reference.

Oh yeah..what is UP with Lindsay with the finger in her mouth? Does it makes us look at her first (yes), longer (yes), then wonder if it's code for "I'm back on men"? (Maybe.)

Jesus Packs Up His Manger and Moves IN With Madonna

"...away in a manger"

Baby Jesus (who's TWENTY-EIGHT YEARS YOUNGER) than Madonna, has moved into her Manhattan apartment. She's older than I am--and her boyfriend is YOUNGER than my oldest son. Umm. ICK.

She feeds him her stupid macrobiotic diet, took him to The Kabbalah Center and converted him, and gives him baths. And other stuff.

"According to The Daily Mail the one and only one, the queen of music for so many years even moved in with her new lover only after three months after they met. It seems that Madonna is over her former marriage with Guy Ritchie and she has the energy to go into a long term relationship with a much much younger man.Jesus has quit his modeling agency in Rio de Janeiro and signed with Ford Models agency in New York. He now lives with Madonna in her Upper West Side apartment."

She's nast.

Dorky John Mayer Breaks Up With Dorky Aniston AGAIN...YAAAWWWWNN...

D O R K S

Ugh...these two again. Does anyone even care--besides the eternal childless spinster Aniston--that dorky Mayer broke up with her ass again?


"Celebrity insiders tell E! gossip columnist Marc Malkin that Jenn and John are officially dunzo after therock star booted Friends actress, for the second time in their 12-month romance, shortly after she returned to Hollywood following her European promotional tour the hit film Marley & Me.

“He broke up with her when she got back from her European tour,” says a source."

**UPDATE** People Magazine is reporting:

In the last few weeks, the former Friends star has been spending time with her close pal Courteney Cox Arquette and her yoga instructor-friend Mandy Ingber, while Mayer has been busy getting his new house ready and working in the studio. Then E!'s Marc Malkin reported rumors of a possible split.

Previous Breakup

This is not the first time Aniston, 40, and Mayer, 31, have split. In August 2008, they called it quits. At the time Mayer held an impromptu press conference outside his gym in New York, explaining to the media: "I ended a relationship to be alone because I don't want to waste somebody's time if something's not right." Still, lately the couple have seemed happy together.

They met at a 2008 Oscar party last year, and were one of the hottest couples at this year's show after a surprise appearance by Aniston as a presenter, with Mayer as her date. Mayer later said he was there to offer moral support to his girlfriend. In a recent interview, Aniston said she didn't believe any relationship was perfect, or was meant to last a lifetime. "Whoever said that every relationship has to last forever?" she told the U.K.'s Mail on Sunday's You magazine. "That's hoping for too much."

Yep. It IS hoping for too much as long as Aniston is involved.

Honk-shooooo.

This Will End Up Badly. Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson are Back Together and Trying to Get Pregnant?

Kate and Owen. Again.

OhdearLord. Desperate and Flighty Kate and Fragile Owen are trying again to make a go of things again. But this time, a baby may be involved?

The Sun reports:

A source close to Owen told The Sun, “Kate and Owen initially got back together three months ago after realizing they couldn't live without each other. Now they are ready to become parents. They've discussed the idea of becoming parents at length and Kate has seen a change in Owen...He loves the idea of being a dad and has told Kate that he's ready when she is, but the sooner, the better!”

The source added, "Kate is over the moon and really wants to start a family with Owen now [that] she feels he has finally grown up. The fact that he is ready to make that commitment to her has given her faith in the relationship."

Okaaaaay. Everyone's "over the moon". Kate can't seem to keep a man for more than a couple of years, tops. The last time she and Owen broke up? He ended up with some nasty cross-shaped scars on his wrists and a trip to the hospital.

This whole relationship is worrysome, at best.

Lindsay is Sagging...and Not Just Her Career. And Speaking of Boobs? Sharon Stone, WHAT the GDH?

This is what happens when you

DON'T EAT.

Actually, Lindsay is lucky her boobs have stuck around this long...but it looks like they are beginning their haitus. She coulda worn a bra with that weird dress, too, by the way.

Then we have elder-stateswoman, Sharon Stone showing off the goodies we don't care to see.

Yikes, Sharon. Really?

I admit it. Sharon's boobs look good. (If you tilt your computer screen just right, you will see what I'm talking about.) She's over 50, ya'll. However. When is it okay for women to wear see-through dresses in public? (Unless you are one of the following, of course: Carmen Electra; any of Hef's girlfriends..you get the idea...hoochies.) Des-per-ate.

Neither one of these (ahem) "ladies" attended the actual Oscar ceremony, but felt the need to trot around town looking for parties that might allow them to enter.

Jennifer Love Hewitt is Nuts and Desperate and 30

"Happy Birthday to MEEEEEE"

Isn't this an odd way to celebrate a 30th birthday? I guess Jennifer Love Hewitt is a real fan of Audrey Hepburn!! I know she played her in that lame-ass TV movie, but that was years ago. Obsessed much?

Here the actress is celebrating her birthday Saturday morning visiting and having breakfast at the Tiffany & Co. store in Beverly Hills. She appears to be alone. She and her fiance` broke up a few weeks ago, so I guess she and Paris Hilton are both wearing outfits out of the Dress Up Chest. (See post below re: StupidParisHilton, k?)

What is WRONG with J.Love? Weirdo.