COOP-WEGER? Aniston = Epic Fail Once Again.

The high school "hand in back pocket"
move proves it, right?

I am coveting Renee's Loubs.

File this under the category of: "As if I CARE". The only item in the revelation that Renee (Pinchy Face) Zellweger and Bradley Cooper (from "He's Just Not That Into Aniston" and "The Aniston Hangover"), are seemingly an item, is that Chiniston is again, so very, very ALONE, while Bradley and Renee are kissing in a cathedral in Barcelona, Spain.

Will Bradley still want to kiss Renee once she packs on the chub for another meaty "Bridget Jones" film? We'll see about that.

I Like this Dude a Little More Now.

"Seacrest--DORK"

Oh, look at that darling little chubby dork. He's smiling and doing his level best in this school photo. I actually love that RYAN SEACREST brought this photo while guesting on "The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien" last week.

Let's hear it for the dorks, ya'll. God knows I have some lovely pictures from junior high when I was shaving my eyebrows. Hey, it was all the rage, right?

Today's Blind Item!!

"Which funnyman doesn't even bother to hide his drug habit? When pals come to visit his pad, they're just as likely to see baggies of cocaine lying around as they are to see throw pillows." [NYDN]

Seth Rogan sure has lost a LOT of weight lately...but you didn't hear that from me.

Happy Easter! We're havin' stuffed Mariah with all the fixin's!

The oh, so dainty Mariah Carey

with her hubby/dog & umbrella carrier

Oh, I fully realize this is a day late, but it was too fabulous to ignore. WHAT is wrong with Mimoo? I doubt she's pregnant, unless her womb is in her face.

Mean. Mean. Funny. Mean.

Padma? Seriously? Really??

I'm SO sure!!

Remember when Paris Hilton did that gross Carl's Jr. commercial with the washing of the car and the eating of the big ol' burger? THAT was almost more believeable than this one with gorgeous Padma Lakshmi from Bravo's Top Chef wolfing the new bacon burger from Hardee's. (Plus, as beautiful as she is, they photographed her in a way that she looks like Angelina, don't you think? Or maybe I'm obsessed.)

ANYnotinamillionyears. That burger looks good. Remember, I'm not eating meat. But not for ethical reasons.

Lindsay Makes "Raisinface" Rachel Zoe Look Like a Cow!

Lindsay, Some Designer I Could Not Care Less About

and StupidRachelZoe, "Stylist to the Stars"
Lindsay, the day after she called out
"sick" from a scheduled appearance with Sam,
who was also "sick".


I think we've seen this look on

Linds before...just prior to rehab.

Just a quick reminder of why we loathe Rachel Zoe...

"Rachel is a celebrity stylist whose most notable clients are Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan. Hate those ugly head scarfs Nicole is always sporting? What about those 80’s leggins that Lindsay seems to live in? Well this is the woman to blame for all that ugly. Rachel has been accused of being more than just the woman who brings style to Nicole and Lindsay. Some tabloids reported this summer that Rachel was in fact the girls drug dealer. I doubt that she is personally responsible for the obvious drug use of some of her clients, but it seems fishy that her two biggest clients have struggled with weight issues and/or eating disorders."

Now, we don't have proof that Lindsay is still using Clenbuteral, StupidRachelZoe's weight-loss steroid of choice for her clients. Google it--you'll see what I'm talkin' about. I can't really see Lindsay taking a weight-loss pharmaceutical that doesn't give some other "benefit". ..like phantom itching and a runny nose. Just sayin'.

Jessica Simpson's Mom Jeans - What the Goddamn Hell is She Wearing?

Jessica Simpson performed at the 99.9 Kiss Country 24th Annual Chili Cook Off in Florida yesterday. The poor thing. A chili cook off?

Holy Lord. I really don't care that Jess has put on a few ell bees. Who hasn't? **Cough cough**

Them jeans, them jeans...did she find them at the St.Vincent de Paul Thrift Store? I know of nowhere else should could have found that kind of denim. Sister Mary Magaret must have thrown in the double leopard belt for free.

I'm Sick of These Headaches, Dude.

The lab that processes my blood-work,
Gory close-up of the inside of my arteries.

Bleh. I'm eating right--(MORE spinach!) , exercising again (sorta) and I keep waking up with these god-awful headaches. My doctor took me off EVERYTHING I was taking in terms of hormones and vitamin supplements so I could have a good blood work-up next month. He told me to be prepared for some "discomfort and irritability". Awesome. I can't sleep properly because I'm so hot and cold and am generally pretty crabby.

Please. I'm begging you guys. Any suggestions for relief?

Oh, and my cholesterol is 320. Sweet! Wait...what!?

How Did I Miss Dennis Quaid and His Pig?

I mean, PUG.

Dennis Quaid lovingly carried his pudgy, elderly pug through security at LAX on Friday as he, his wife and their twins boarded a flight out of town for the holidays.

I tell ya what. If I had seen this in person I woulda peed my pants laughing.

Dennis Quaid and his meaty pup.

So. On a Lighter Note...Resolutions, Anyone??

2009, Bitches!

I mean it, you guys. I want to know YOURS if I have to tell you MINE. I've never made a New Year's Resolution in my life. EVER. I always thought it was lame. But it seems that I'm joining in on the fun this time. You know, since I went to a NYE party, had a hangover for two days straight and all, why NOT make a couple of resolutions?

1.) Go Veggie!! I told you about that yesterday. Yes, still with the fish and bacon allowed. Is that line getting old yet? It's still funny to me.

By the way, the tofu last night was delicious! I prefer it to chicken in my pad thai, actually! It's almost time for my salad sammie!

2.) Get off my fat ass and MOVE. I don't care HOW...just stop sitting so much. I took The Big Walk (down our giant hilly street, all through town and back up again--pant, pant) today with Stephen and the pups. My tailbone has stopped hurting...YAY! This leads to Number Three...

3.) Limit my time on the laptop. This will probably be the hardest. I mean, what if I miss a nuclear meltdown between Sam and Lindsay? I need to be on TOP of that shit. The first two Resolutions are CAKE compared to this one. Yikes.

Okay, YOUR turn!!

We're Goin' Vegetarian--Sorta

Mmmmm...tofu?

Okay, so we're still eating fish. And bacon. (Not really on the bacon, but that's funny every time to me.) I'll be honest with you. It's not an ethical choice. It's more of a fat, fat the water rat choice. I love meat as much as ya'll do. Tonight Stephen is making spicy pad thai with TOFU for dinner! I found a yummy looking recipe and being the King of the Kitchen that he is, Stephen is chopping up veggies and tofu as I write this...

Thanks to Annette, I've been eating "salad" sandwiches every single day for several weeks now. They consist of whole grain bread with an entire sliced tomato and tons of raw spinach. I'll add a bit of avocado, too if we have one. I simply cannot get enough spinach. I eat it by the bagful. I suppose there are far worse things I could be dependant upon, yes?

Patrick's none too happy about this venture, though, I must say. He's coming for a visit in February and fully expects Stephen's usual menu. We'll see how it goes.

I can still get the 7-layer burrito at Taco Bell, right?

HAPPY NEW YEAR, YA'LL!

Seattle's Space Needle

Happy (phallic much?) New Year!

So, be HONEST. How was YOUR 2008? Mine was horrible, terrifying, liberating, chubby, Mim-ish, full of love...for Stephen, Felix and new boxer, James. (Yes, I love the rest of the clan, too...but you know, that falls under that category of "being tolerant", doesn't it? I think THEY barely tolerate ME. Oh well. That's what happens.)

I'd love to know everyone's New Year's plans, resolutions, regrets (if any)...all of your STUFF. C'mon, TELL Mama. Tell her! I'll tell ya mine!

Oh, and my favorite lyric from a song recorded in 2008 is:

"You say I'm crazy--I GOT your crazy..."

(from Britney's "Womanizer"--classic line.)

What's YOURS?

One more thing, I'm the "Better Behaved Trainwreck" I'm referring to, this time...FYI.

Cartman's--I mean, FELIX's first snow!

Cartman

There's that little Cartman kid again!

"Shut up, Kenny."

Yesterday, Felix had his first snow day. There are so many things I find hilarious about these pictures (taken by Uncle Hunter): Felix can't zip his pants up all the way due to his big belly; the fact that it looks as though his dad put some sort of booties on his hands, rather than his mittens; and, of course, how these photos look like they were taken in South Park, Colorado.

Men's Wearhouse is All the Rage!

George-I-Guarantee-It-Zimmer and me.

He's HILARIOUS, by the way.

The Ever-Camera-Ready, Dayna

Yours Truly with beautiful husband, Stephen
aka Jane and James Bond

Dayna and Alex (as IF any of you are
looking at Alex!). Yes, "they" are real.
Dayna is wearing a darling Betsy Johnson dress,
and Alex is in his own tux by Sean John (available at MW).
Fancy.

Is it inappropriate for a mother-in-law to be obsessed with how gorgeous her daughter-in-law is? I'm not the only one...George Zimmer ("You'll like the way you look...I guarantee it." was even MORE taken with her wit and beauty at the Holiday Gala held Sunday evening at the Westin Hotel. That's the thing about Dayna...she's laugh-out-loud, belly laugh funny. And in our family--it's ALL about The Funny. She and Alex were the best dressed and most entertaining couple in a ballroom of hundreds...if I DO day so myself. Nothing makes me happier than seeing these two at their shining best.

As usual, it all came down to body-image issues where I was concerned. (Yeah, here we go...) I was self-conscious because last year I weighed about 100 lbs. and THIS year I weigh about 450 lbs. (give or take). I bought two dresses within the past several months for this event--and outgrew BOTH. I settled on a tuxedo from Victoria's Secret. It was a very unusual choice for me, but comfortable. See, the thing is, this event is like the Academy Awards in terms of parties. It's a HUGE effing deal. ALL the girls sweat over what we're gonna wear. At least my eyelashes entered the room before I did!

Stephen wore a fantastic MW tux, much like the $10,000+ Tom Ford version worn by Daniel Craig Quantum of Solace. He looked GORGEOUS.

It was a great party...

Singer/Songwriter, Juliana Hatfield Knows ED, Too

Juliana Hatfield, 'member her from the 90's?

"They make us eat six times a day. Three meals and three snacks. We all sit in the kitchen together and there is a monitor at the head of the table making sure we eat everything on our plates and drink everything in our cups. This is called the refeeding process. It must be done slowly and steadily, with more food added on as time progresses so we don't shock our systems. So we are not in danger of ending up like Karen Carpenter -- she gained too much weight too fast after starving for a long time, and her heart couldn't take it.
The bathroom doors are locked so the bulimics can't go in and puke. (I myself have never been a purger.) When you need to go, you must ask a monitor to unlock the door for you and after she lets you in she stands just outside the door and then you must either count while you are on the toilet, loud enough so that she can hear you, right up until the moment you exit, or you must let her flush for you after you are done -- so that there is proof that you didn't vomit your food into the toilet.
Every morning they wake us up at seven and we all put on hospital johnnies, first thing, and go and have our vitals (temperature, blood pressure) checked and have ourselves weighed. I have gained five pounds so far. I'm doing well. I'm a model patient, weight gaining-wise. My mental/emo health is another story -- a longer story, a work in progress."

Seriously? I could've written that. Except we never got to count out loud. We were never allowed to flush at Casa Palmera (I mean Palmona Picasso, Patrick). She must've gone to the place in Arizona, maybe? Anyway. Here I am--back blogging about ED.

Juliana went on to say:

"Before computers you never would have found me blabbing (blogging [blogging is blabbing]) so openly like this about this," she writes before explaining the ins and outs of the E.D. center that's treating her."

Please read more of Juliana's blog: julianahatfield.com/blog.

I'm sure some of my readers (and you know who you are...) wish I would just shut the eff up about all this. I suppose they can ignore these posts, if they choose. Unfortunately, they are the ones who I want to know what I'm feeling. They think they understand, but they don't. Some may even think it was never an eating disorder to begin with, as I did for a bit. (Because it's normal to weigh 95 lbs.??) I was in complete denial. Food has ALWAYS been an issue for me. I love it more than most people--or I despise it. There are no in-betweens. And it has NOTHING TO DO WITH THE FOOD ITSELF. That's what people don't GET. It's about whether or not I deserve to be fed. That's a whole 'nother issue.

I went to the doctor today. She said I have completely screwed up my metabolism from punishing my body to the point where my weightgain is out of control. I also may have messed up my hormones and thyroid while I was at it; she scheduled bloodwork tomorrow. I came home and went nuts. I have refused to eat dinner...but I'm hungry. Ugh. NOW what?