Madonna and Jesus. Merry Christmas, Guy Ritchie.

Drop-dead GORGEOUS, Jemima Khan.

Take THAT, Madonna.

"Newly divorced Guy Ritchie isn’t wasting any time finding female comfort in London. He and millionaire heiress Jemima Khan attended a holiday dinner party at the home of Matthew Freud and Elisabeth Murdoch, daughter of Rupert Murdoch.
Other party-goers included Stella and Mary McCartney, Lily Allen, Mick Jagger and Kevin Spacey.
The gorgeous and rich English socialite is 33 years old and divorced with two sons, age 12 and 9. She was romantically linked to actor Hugh Grant for three years but the couple parted company in 2007. Several London tabloids are reporting that Simon Cowell, who recently parted ways with Terri Seymour, is also interested in Khan.

Eeeewwwww. Simon Cowell?? Jemima would be a fooool to choose him over handsome Guy.

Looky what Madonna put under her, um, tree.

Ugh, and meanwhile Madonna is being all KINDS of Christmas inappropriate.

According to Page Six, Madonna met the model Jesus Luz on a photo shoot for W Magazine in Rio de Janeiro, then asked him to join her on tour in Sao Paolo. A source revealed to Page Six: "Everyone knows they're ficando - which is a Portuguese expression that means they are kissing and doing other things but without any obligation of being faithful or getting into a relationship afterwards."

I looked up the meaning of ficando. Apparently it's Portuguese slang for eff you see kay-ing a young man named Jesus at Christmastime for sport.

Please forgive me for that last sentence...it falls under that category of: I'm just tellin' ya what I heard. Bleh. Sorry.

Where's the Listerine?