Lindsay is Chanelling Marilyn Monroe Again? Really? I Beg to Differ.

"YAY! I look just like Mommy--I mean, Marilyn!I!"
As always, Mother of the Year - Dina Lohan

Seems Lindsay is trying to be Marilyn again...but she only ends up looking exactly like her mother, Dina. Happy Mother's Day! (Shudder...)

Rihanna Hunts for Apartment in NYC...What the Goddamnhell is She Wearing??

Oh, Rihanna.

"What? I am wearing my professional, apartment-hunting outfit!"

Here's our girl, looking like any normal person would; trying to convince The Board of Directors of the tremendous apartment she's trying to rent to hook her up with a crib.

Oh. Did I say "hook"? Sorry.

Oh, Pam Anderson. Why Do You Still Parade Around Like This?

ICK.

GAAAAAHHH! My effing EYES! They can't unsee that picture, unfortunately. What the HELL is Pam Anderson doing on a runway during Fashion Week in NYC?? Holy Lord, she's raggedy and tragic. She has two little boys and Hep C to go along with this get-up.

Pam? Time to close up shop...and your legs. {{SHUDDER}}

Madonna Needs to Knock it Off - New "Hard Candy" Promo Photos

Is that Angie Dickinson?
Madonna actually approved this one?

Enough! A public thong is unseemly at 50.

WHY is Madonna forcing her pale, worm-like torso at us again? These are the new "promo" photos for her Hard Candy cd and Sticky and Sweet tour. Yeeeesh. Desperation personified.

Nude Photo of Madonna on Christie's Auction Block Really Needs a Good Waxing..**UPDATE**

I'm in the midst of soaking my eyeballs in my famous solution of boiling bleach, having just soiled them by looking at Madonna's hairy, um, NESS. Oh. My. God. I refuse to show the photo itself. Feel free to see if for yourself on the Christie's website: http://www.christies.com/

Your gag reflex has been duly warned.

**EXCEPT FOR HER BOOBS, WHICH ARE GORGEOUS**

NEW YORK (AP) — A nude photo of Madonna, taken before erotic songs and risque costumes catapulted her to superstardom, is expected to sell for at least $10,000, Christie's auction house says.
Madonna, then known as Madonna Louise Ciccone, may have earned as little as $25 for the 1979 modeling session.
The raw, full frontal black-and-white image, taken by Lee Friedlander, appeared in Playboy in 1985 and is to be auctioned Feb. 12. Madonna was a 20-year-old dancer trying to make ends meet when she answered Friedlander's newspaper ad seeking a nude model, said Matthieu Humery, head of Christie's photography department.
Humery said this week that six photos from the shoot were sold to Playboy and the one up for auction is "maybe the most explicit one."

I think the nice folks at Louis Vuitton paid her around $25 to spread her legs (which are thankfully clothed) for their new ad campaign, too. And worth every nickel, I might add.

Oh Madonna. CLOSE 'em!

Madonna Does Louis Vuitton: The Old Bags Collection

We GET it, Madonna. You're still doing yoga.
Sit like a LADY for once!

"Louis Vuitton designer and creative director Marc Jacobs says they went with Her Madgesty after he "just blurted out, 'I think we should do Madonna'" at a meeting. He had been inspired by her concert the night before and "was totally just blown away by it, and moved by her performance, by what she had to say, and her energy."

Even Queer Patrick, my best friend, is so over Madonna. Why aren't all the other gays, yet? Marc Jacobs? Come ON. Louis Vuitton is becoming synonomous with The Real Housewives tarts.

Not interested.

Oh, and I hear-tell that A-Rod is cheating on Madonna with some hot model he met at the Fountainbleu Grand Opening. I thought Paltrow was babysitting him that night. Ummmm! I'm telling!!

Madonna is a bit unseemly

Wipe that smug look off your, um...face.

Madonna is not sexy anymore. Everyone seems to be on the same page about this, and she needs to read UP. I'm not saying she needs to stand on the stage in a Donna Karan empire-waist dress a` la Barbra Streisand, but maybe a more Catherine Deneuve look would work on her. I don't CARE if she's effing stupidA-Rod. I just don't want to see pictures like THIS...her face says it all. Bleh.

What the goddamn hell is Beyonce wearing NOW?

Oh guuurrrrl.

Is there ever going to be a week where Beyonce` doesn't get my "What the Goddamn Hell" award? Wow. Last night's American Music Awards were so boring that I couldn't bring myself to even sit through 5 minutes of the show. If I see Kanye West bitch about losing or winning the wrong award one more time, well, I don't know what I'll do. Maybe stop singing along with Stronger or something severe like that. Oh, and Alicia Keyes pisses me off. She tries so hard to be a badass feminist with songs like Superwoman and just ends up sounding so contrived. Bleh. The new 007 theme with Alicia and Jack White is lame, too. Give me Shirley Manson or Chris Cornell any day.

Anyway. Beyonce`! You're killin' me! I betcha one of your dressers going to get a fierce hair pullin' for forgetting to squeeze you into your pants last night.

Oh, David.

David Duchovney is serious about his sex addiction.

Is this REALLY the best way to let the executives at Showtime know that you have "graduated" from your Perv School and you're really, truly not gonna try and hump everything that has a '*"jay-jay" on the set of Californication? Your life should just be this season's story-line.

*jay-jay": noun, slang. Shortened version of va-jay-jay; you know, those girly parts. I like it better.

The Leotarded Girls.

Treetrunk legs Rhianna
Daisy Lowe, the daughter Gavin Rossdale doesn't wanna talk about

It appears we're all supposed to dress like The Rockettes now. Rhianna, who almost NEVER wears a skirt or pants with her Danskin, is now wearing fishnets, 7" heels and bowler hat at the beach. We also have Daisy Lowe, who we only really know as the child Gavin Rossdale doesn't acknowledge wearing what looks to be missing a fluffy tail, ears and whiskers drawn on in eyeliner. (Maybe running around in this get-up will warrant a phone call from dad?)

I'm occasionally as trendy as the next gal, just not this time.