Wednesday, September 30, 2009

We interrupt this blog for Breaking News: Justin Timberlake MAY have dumped Jessica Biel for Rihanna


See how alarming this SPECIAL REPORT image is? I'm using the Justin Timberlake/Jessica Biel/Rihanna break-up and possible hook-up as an example of the news in Seattle this week.

Is there any real reason to interrupt "regularly scheduled programming" for THIS SPECIAL REPORT to advise us on...wait for it...

POSSIBLE RAIN IN SEATTLE?!? Oh, that's right, my dollies. I had to sit through our local weather man panting over the possibility of RAIN for the "drive home tonight". You have GOT to be kidding me.

I'll tell you where this little fit of rage originated. (I've been holding on to it  until today.) Just a few weeks ago we all re-lived September 11th by watching news footage of the horror of that day. So, I'm going about my business (I always have the TV on--CNN in this case), and they interrupt a story with the big scary announcement THIS. IS A SPECIAL. REPORT. 

"HOLY SHIT!! WHAT???? OHMYGOD, it's 9/11....WHAT???" was the voice in my head. (I hear her a lot...but she meant it this time.) "WHAT IS IT, MAN????"

Oh. It seems they "would like to bring you live coverage of President Obama's speech today on healthcare." 

Any. Other. DAY. I'd be fine with that, but never, EVER on 9/11. YOU GOT THAT, CNN?? Okay, I'm a little slow off the mark, I'll admit it. But I think you get my point.

So, yeah. Rihanna and Justin? Here's what I've heard:

 via Bossip:

"Apparently, Rihanna has been seen getting closer than close with Justin Timberlake, who she had a crush on years ago.  Justin is working with Rihanna on her next album has had major chemistry with Rihanna and even got a couple of lap dances from her in the studio according to a source.  The source says the two have been inseparable since the VMA’s where they got it in on the dance floor at a VMA after party:
“Rihanna and Justin have been talking and texting on the phone nonstop since the VMAs. She asked him on the phone, ‘Are you still with Jessica?’ And he hinted that things were cooling off between them.”
Justin was spotted going to Ri-Ri’s hotel room that night, which didn’t sit too well with Justin’s on again, off again girlfriend, Jessica Biel."

The moral of this story: Don't put up the SPECIAL REPORT graphic on 9/11 unless it's really serious; and don't interrupt me if it might rain IN SEATTLE--it's a GD given! 

(Now is the time we all sing, "you can stand under my um-ber-ella, ella, ella...)

That's what we call "full circle", my friends. 

Today's Blind Item - Who Does Depression Hurt Edition

"This celebrity is struggling with some serious depression/anxiety. Because of religious beliefs, we're told the issue isn't being treated seriously by family members.

To make matters worse, the ‘treatments' that the star has been offered to improve the situation, have only worsened the problem. If these stories are true, we only hope the celeb can get the help they need, including support from their loved ones. Not Jen Garner."

via [BuzzFoto]

Obviously this reaks of Scientology, don't you think? Sadly, I think it's either Katie Holmes or even worse Kelly Preston, who's in the Bahamas with her husband John Travolta testifying in the extortion case regarding the death of their son, Jett.

The fact that John and Kelly have testified that Jett was indeed autistic is pretty huge, given the fact that Scientology does not recognize this or any other mental health issue (i.e. depression), and as such, won't allow treatment in the form of pysch drugs. There are plenty of interesting websites that give detailed accounts of what the Scientology "treatments" could be.

I hope, whoever this unfortunate woman is gets help before it's too late.

Having said this about Kelly, Katie has look really miserable for ages.


Oh, Alanis Morrisette. Why?

If that's a toilet, I'm gonna be pissed off.
Wait. I already am.

In my best Nancy Kerrigan whine, WHYYYYYY? Is this what it's come to? Again?

Back in the day, Alanis Morissette never pandered to her audience by dressing like a poptart. But now, all of a sudden, she's hit 35 and feels the need to pull a Madonna on us with the typical hooker boots and open legs photos. Yeah. Awesome. 

I've always just sort of liked Alanis, but I loved Hands Clean, which is another song allegedly about the dude from Full House. They had a relationship while Alanis was 14 and he was 29. They were both living in Canada, where this would be a criii-immme (as she sings in Hands Clean.)

Well, gee. Now I feel guilty for liking this song. It does prove what an asshole Uncle Joey is, just like in You Oughta Know, every chick's favorite "angry song".

Maybe Alanis really does feel like all she's worth is her "outside". Sigh.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Dipped in Cream's BITCHFACE CONTEST Photos!

Queen Bitchface

Work of Fine Art-Bitchface

 Mr. and Mrs. Bitchface

Angry Baby boy-"bratface"  (awwww)

Gorgeous Snooty European-Bitchface

Fellow (hilarious) blogger (who needs to
quit down-playing her good looks)-Bitchface

Lord, just wait another 10 years, if you
think this is bad-Bratface

Smoking, Pseudo Euro-Trash-Bitchface
Aww HELL NO-Bitchface

 Perfect lighting crew follows her around,
 icy blue eyes-Bitchface

Wow, you guys. These are awesome. Guess what?

You all win!!!

Email me with your address, and I'll let you know personally when your prize is being shipped.

I LOVE my Bitches!!

Dress of the Day - Janet Jackson at amFAR Milano 2009


Janet has kept a fairly low profile since her brother, Michael's death. (Unlike a certain brother .**COUGHJermaineCOUGH**) But Janet worked it OUT in Milano (because I went to Italy, I can say Milano...heh.)

ANYhourglassfigure! Janet has never looked more luminous and elegant. The draping of this midnight blue Versace dress is perfect for her figure. Janet has opened up about her food issues:


"Speaking of her weight, the singer recently opened up about her struggle to maintain her figure in check, saying that she often piled on the pounds because she was what they called a comfort eater. Feelings of isolation and abandonment made her insecure, which, in turn, pushed her to eat to feel better, Janet revealed in a recent magazine interview, as we also informed you. To help other women who may find themselves in such a situation, Janet is currently working on the release of a diet and self-esteem book.

“It was originally about weight loss. But I wanted it to be more about my triggers. I can be an emotional eater. Of late, I have been doing that, yes. It started when I was very little. My brothers were gone on tour a lot, and I would miss them so much. Certain things in my life would become triggers. I wish I’d had a book like this when I was that young. People forget that everyone has things going on. It’s still important to face reality, and not that I’m running, but sometimes you just need to get away for a second.” the singer recently said of the upcoming book. "

It would be nice if Janet spoke about any possible dysfunction within her family that may have driven her to becoming an emotional eater. I'm sure there are thousands of women of all ages who can relate to her situation on some level.

Women (and men) are all different. I never looked to food for comfort. I consider food a "reward" for being happy. If I'm not feeling happy, I don't eat. It's as though I don't deserve to eat. I may have mentioned this before. I wonder if anyone else understands how I rationalize that way of thinking.

Do any of you, my darlings, have stories you'd like to share?

Today's Blind Item - Clean and Sober Edition

This item is a little unusual. Much like the Andy Dick item from earlier in the year, this is about someone who seems to be succeeding in rehab. As much attention as I focus on people who need it or don't succeed in rehab, I think it is good to focus on the people who are sorting their lives out. D lister for sure, but was on Celebrity Rehab. Singer.

Anyway, she was spotted at the Torrid fashion show last week and was being offered wine by someone who obviously didn't know better or just didn't care. In fact she was offered wine more than once by several people including waiters. She turned them down everytime and even walked away when she needed to gather herself. All the while she kept drinking sugar-free Red Bull. 

Oh, and the guy she was with (maybe her husband?) seemed like a tool. He kept leaving her to make and take phone calls.

via CDaN:

I'm gonna come right out with this one. I think it's former America Idol contestant Nikki McKibbin. It would be nice if she actually started working. Her "Inconsolible" song performed on Celebrity Rehab/Sober House was good. She has great pipes and shouldn't have to go back to stripping or doing karaoke. 

Good for YOU, Nikki.

Woody Allen Supports Release of Roman Polanski. Oh, REALLY?

How appropriate.

Oh, Woody. Oh, Roman. You're both just misunderstood artists, aren't you?

Dear readers, we need to simply come to terms with the fact that some people in this world are given a pass. These special, sensitive and gifted men are to be admired, not punished for their past, um, "issues". Everything they do is art...that's what should be recognized. Yes?

How about NO? I cannot believe the fact that so many directors, actors and other industry types are coming to Roman Polanski's defense after being arrested in Switzerland on an outstanding U.S. warrant for child rape. Oh wait. Yes, I can.

In case you're not entirely familiar with the crime that was committed by Polanski back in 1977, here's a summary.

via The Smoking Gun, an excerpt of unsealed grand jury testimony of the initial against Polanski.

"Two weeks after Polanski plied her with Champagne and a Quaalude, Samantha Gailey appeared before an L.A. grand jury and recalled Polanski's predatory behavior in a Mulholland Canyon home owned by Jack Nicholson.

The teenager's troubling--and contemporaneous--account of her abuse at Polanski's hands begins with her posing twice for topless photos that the director said were for French Vogue. The girl then told prosecutors how Polanski directed her to, "Take off your underwear" and enter the Jacuzzi, where he photographed her naked. Soon, the director, who was then 43, joined her in the hot tub. He also wasn't wearing any clothes and, according to Gailey's testimony, wrapped his hands around the child's waist.

The girl testified that she left the Jacuzzi and entered a bedroom in Nicholson's home, where Polanski sat down beside her and kissed the teen, despite her demands that he "keep away." According to Gailey, Polanski then performed a sex act on her and later "started to have intercourse with me." At one point, according to Gailey's testimony, Polanski asked the 13-year-old if she was "on the pill," and "When did you last have your period?" Polanski then asked her, Gailey recalled, "Would you want me to go in through your back?" before he "put his penis in my butt." Asked why she did not more forcefully resist Polanski, the teenager told Deputy D.A. Roger Gunson, "Because I was afraid of him."

Roman Polanski drugged then sodomized a 13 year old little girl, ran away to France to live a life of luxury with parties and lovely homes and continued to work on his art--and win an Academy Award for Best Picture for The Pianist. He was arrested over the weekend in Switzerland at a film festival, where he was to receive a special honor.

Do you think Polanksi's "been punished enough"? These fellow "it's okay to rape a drugged-up 13 year old because she was asking for it and it was the '70s, man artists most certainly do think he has suffered more than enough, and have signed a petition to set Polanski free:

via The Guardian UK:

"... including Polanski's fellow directors Michael Mann, Wim Wenders, Pedro Almodóvar, Darren Aronofsky, Terry Gilliam, Julian Schnabel, the Dardenne brothers, Alejandro González Iñárritu, Wong Kar-Wai, Walter Salles and Jonathan Demme. Actors Tilda Swinton, Monica Bellucci and Asia Argento, as well as producer Harvey Weinstein have also put their names on the petition. Yesterday, Weinstein stated he was "calling on every film-maker we can to help fix this terrible situation".

Awesome, huh? Or is it just me who's holding a grudge against this piece of shit?

Monday, September 28, 2009

Crabby Appleton, Jessica Alba Goes Red and Gets Her Nails Did

Wow. This is juicy.

Ashlee Simpson.
I swore I'd never talk about her.

Yaawwwwn. You guys still awake? Because I'm not. Good LAWD, there's no news out there today. Seriously? I'm writing about Bitchface Jessica Alba looking like Dumbass Ashlee Simpson? You have got to be kidding me.

You know what this all means? It means the lovely Farrah Fawcett had to pass away the same day MICHAEL-BLOODY-JACKSON did, so she didn't get her "moment". It also means Khloe Kardashian won the GD lottery in terms of media coverage. It will NEVER end.

It's not fair, I tell ya. It's just not fair.

Please Lord. Let me put up something more interesting than Khloe Kardashian's wedding today.

"..and then???"

For crying out loud. I'm stuck today. I'm really, truly stuck

Obviously, I must love celebrity gossip enough to write about it (and usually make fun of), but yeeeesh. This whole fakey filmed/no pre-nup wedding has really gotten to me. Who ARE these people? Why does anyone even care about them? (Besides Ryan Seacrest, who's making piles of money producing their reality shows on E!...)  They certainly know what they're doing, those Kardashians. No need for more sex tapes anymore, huh, girls?


Autumn is sneaking into the Northwest today, and will hit like a sledgehammer tomorrow. Summer completely flew by, as it always does in Seattle. Prepare yourself for plenty of moaning about "this goddamned rain" from's already stuck in my throat. We won't have any decent weather for 9 months. NINE. MONTHS.

Last year, my darling husband Stephen bought me one of those S.A.D. lights. James the boxer chewed the chord to pieces. I don't know if it did me any good, honestly. A fellow-blogger in Seattle, Spicypants, of says that she goes tanning to avoid depression. I do feel better when I go to the tanning salon, with its smell of sweat and coconut. I think not being suicidal wins over the fear of skin cancer. Now there's a choice I can stand behind. Dork.

The big news of the day? He's walking. Felix. Is. Walking. I'm following this little drunkard around, talking like a goon ("...and then? And then?? I don't know why I always ask him that question.) We play "Hey Baby'"--the game, not the song. It's basically Hide and Seek, but he thinks it's pretty darn hilarious. 

At the risk of sounding like one of those goony Mom blogs, I'll just say this: I'll take Felix and his silliness over a Kardashian story any day.  I hope you will, too.

Khloe Kardashian's Wedding Dress and Other Crap

Vera Wang's Big "n Tall Collection

"Baby, could you gimme a tranny-back ride?
I'm too f^&king drunk!"
Photos via

Here's what y'all have been lookin' for...The Dress. Khloe's big, giant Vera Wang wedding dress.

For the life of me, I cannot understand  the crazy interest in this chick's wedding. Her claim to fame (i.e. resume) is that her dad was a very accomplished attorney in L.A. (he was part of the OJ Defense Team back when he was on trail for damn-near decapitating his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend, Ron Goldman); Khloe's step-dad is plastic surgery enthusiast and oh yeah, Olympic Gold Medalist, Bruce Jenner; sister Kim is really the reason this family are pseudo-celebrities due to her sex-tape with an D-list rapper, Ray J. (Are you taking notes??) Naturally, E! gave them their own reality show, Keeping Up With the Kardashians, produced by none other than Ryan Gaycrest Seacrest.

I found this little piece on Khloe at

"Khloe Kardashian, aka Baby K, is the youngest and most statuesque of the Kardashian sisters. Familiar to the fanatic faithful who watch her regularly on Keeping Up with  the Kardashians, she's now a headliner on the new spin-off series Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami. When she's not living the celebrity life for the viewing masses, she's working on the radio, selling fashion items through her store chain and taking her clothes off in the name of stopping animal cruelty. There's also the small matter of a quickie marriage to Lamar Odom that has gotten her a mountain of attention. " 

Let's not forget Khloe's DUI a couple of years ago. She checked that item off of the How to be a Dumbass Celeb and Get Your Name in the Tabloids list. Nicely done.

Khloe and Kim's sister, Kourtney is pregnant and all over the tabloids...for no. Good. Reason...other than the idiotic celebrity qualifications I've so beautifully outlined.

Ugh. Nice way to start a Monday morning. My head hurts already.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

What the goddamnhell is Courtney Love doing with Hugo Chavez??

"Rrrrrico. Chavez."

This picture makes me sick on so many levels. Courtney crawled out of her coffin to attend crazy-face Oliver Stone's film about Taco Bell, "South of the Border". (That is what it's about, right?) And look who she ended up with--Hugo-Freakin' Chavez, that crazy dictator from Venezuela. I'm surprised the earth didn't implode.

via NY Daily News:

"Courtney Love is still floating on the charm offensive that Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez launched at Wednesday's screening of Oliver Stone's new documentary, "South of the Border." The singer, who came dressed to thrill in a short zipper-front skirt, says she noticed the twice-divorced Chavez checking her out during a Q&A afterward.

"It was the third wink that sold me," Mrs. Kurt Cobain told us. "He's a sexy dawg. He invited me to visit his country and I'd like to go. I'll rock Caracas!"  WHATthegoddamnhell????

I'm busy flipping through the Yellow Pages in search of the nearest vomitorium. Repeat after me: Oliver Stone. Courtney Love. Hugo Chavez.

Last one to puke is a rotten egg.

Tawny Kitaen Arrested Again for DUI

An old mughot of Tawny's 
from an earlier arrest

Here you go, again on your own, Tawny. (Cringe..sorry.)

This woman needs to hire a driver because she obviously won't fire her dealer or stop driving drunk.

via the OC Register:

NEWPORT BEACH – Tawny Kitaen, actress and ex-wife of former Angels pitcher Chuck Finley, was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence this afternoon.

Kitaen, 48, was arrested by Newport Beach Police at 3 p.m. She was released on a $2,500 bail.

It is unclear if Kitaen, of Newport Beach, was under the influence of alcohol, prescription drugs or both, said Newport Beach Police Sgt. Steve Burdette.

Kitaen was arrested near John Wayne Airport at Bristol North and Campus Street after being involved in a traffic collision. There were no injurues and no report on damages to either of the cars, said Burdette.

Kitaen was a cast member for season 2 of reality TV show, "Celebrity Rehab." Three years ago, Kitaen entered a drug rehabilitation program after pleading guilty to possessing 15 grams of cocaine.
She was arrested in 2002 on charges she abused her then-husband, former Angels pitcher Chuck Finley."

Oh, Tawny. You used to be stunning. Not just pretty--STUNNING. That wild mess of auburn hair, those legs doing cartwheels and splits on the two Jags in the beloved (?) 80's video Here I Go (Again on My Own) by Whitesnake.

Tawny and David, way back in the day.

Girl, you even married the gorgeous lead singer, David Coverdale (who still looks great, by the way--doesn't that just figure that the dude stays hot after all these years, but the chicks can't seem to?). Then it all went to dated OJ forpitysake, then married a baseball player and proceeded to beat the crap out him with your arrest after another.

Sigh. Then came fewer roles, and then your were on Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew--but you didn't want to go to Sober Living. See what happened?

Here's a little something for everyone to remember how beautiful Tawny Kitaen was: 

But really, you were just one of many video ho vixens...except you actually had potential.

Roman Polanski FINALLY arrested...can you even BELIEVE it?

Quit your smiling.

Maybe there is justice after all. Maybe it's karma? Maybe Mackenzie Phillips is smiling right now, too.

via The Guardian UK:

"The director had travelled to Switzerland to accept a lifetime achievement award at the Zurich film festival, the organisers of which expressed "great consternation and shock" at his detention.

The 76-year-old director of Rosemary's Baby and Chinatown pleaded guilty to the assault at the time but jumped bail and fled the US the following year to avoid a lengthy jail sentence. For more than three decades he has lived in exile in Paris, refusing to return to the US even when he won an Oscar in 2002 for The Pianist.

Zurich police said he was detained at immigration in Zurich on Saturday night at the request of the US justice department and was in custody awaiting extradition.

"I confirm that Mr Polanski has been arrested. The American authorities issued an international search request in 2005 in relation to a 1978 warrant," said Guido Balmer of the Swiss justice ministry. "There was a valid arrest request and we knew when he was coming. That's why he was taken into custody." The US will now need to make a formal extradition request, however, and Polanski is likely to challenge his detention in the Swiss courts."

There's your Lifetime Achievement Award, you disgusting piece of shit.

Raise your hand if you love the F-Bomb on network TV!

Y'all better watch this while you can. I'm positive NBC will yank this video.

HAHAHAHA! There are a LOT of "too bads" (literal and sarcastic) about this craziness.

1.) Too bad this was Jenny Slate's first appearance on SNL...and she drops the F-bomb. Awesome. It was fucking hilarious. Look at her "OOPS!" face.

"Oh, shit."

 2.) Too bad Lorne Michaels probably reamed her a new one after the skit was over. Hey Lorne?? Your sinking ship is getting a lot of much needed press. Shut the EFF up, and leave Jenny alone.

3.) Too bad Kristin Wiig is such a pro that she didn't even flinch. That was awesome. And

4.)  Too bad this makes up for stupid Megan Fox's hosting.

It's called a win/win

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Chicago Home Daycare Raided for Dogfighting Ring

The little white puppy seems to be thanking
Cook County Sheriff Tom Dart for saving his little life.

Be warned. This is yet another horrific discovery by Chicago authorities of a dogfighting ring--but this time, it was on the very same premises of an at-home daycare. Good God.

via The Chicago Tribune:

"Dart said 10 children were being watched at the house at the time of the raid. In a garage behind the house, police found "a very aggressive" pit bull, blood on the floor and along the sides of a car and medication, bite sticks and harnesses used in dogfights.

Investigators learned that many fighting dogs were housed nearby in the garage of a home in the 2000 block of South Sixth Avenue. That house was home to an ex-con who charged $60 a month for dogs to be kept there, authorities said.

Martez Anderson, 38, was cited Tuesday for being a felon in possession of an unneutered or unspayed dog, the sheriff's office said.

In the garage at Anderson's home, police found an 18-month-old pit bull and three 4-week-old puppies in a wire cage that was soaked in feces and urine, with no signs of food or water, Dart said. Police said they believe the puppies were already being used in fights, possibly as "bait dogs." "

The little white puppy the Sheriff Dart is holding is the one whose eye was gouged out while he was used as fight bait. 

"Dart said a swing set on which the children played was 10 feet from a garage where "a vicious fighting dog" was kept. The garage had bloodstained floors, Dart said.

"The very equipment used to train these dogs to kill was being kept in the garage right behind the house," Dart said.

As investigators searched Anderson's property, they noticed a dog with a shredded face through an opening in a next-door neighbor's fence, Dart said, leading police to a third site not originally targeted in the raid. There police found two dogs -- one with fresh fighting wounds and another puppy that was emaciated and had scarring.

The owner of that home consented to a search and, police said, they also found a treadmill in a dilapidated garage, which had been altered specifically to train dogs to fight.

All dogs rescued in the raid are being treated at the Animal Welfare League in Chicago Ridge and are expected to recover."

I feel sick. Sick for the children who were probably exposed to this kind of horrific violence; sick for the parents of the children, who undoubtedly never knew this was going on in the home they placed their children for daycare; and sick for the dogs themselves, who are innocent victims of abuse. This needs to stop.

I hate these stories...but I will continue to post them for awareness purposes.  

Today's Blind Item - Get Out Your Calculators Edition

This B+ television and movie actor has had some issues at home over the past year. A lot of it has had to do with his infidelity. Publicly everyone is getting along great. Behind the scenes though, our married actor has been having sex with the D list actress daughter of this A list actress. Oh, and our actor is also married to a C list actress.

#1 - B+ actor
#2 - D list actress having sex with B+ actor
#3 - A list mom
#4 - C list actress wife

via CDaN

I don't like the sounds of this one. I'll give you some hints on my hunch:

The B+ actor is on a sexy/funny cable show currently. I mentioned him a few weeks ago in the "Recommended Movie of the Weekend".

Annnnd. GO. Once you figure him out, the rest will come.

Okay, one more hint: Check the roster of guest actresses on his show.

Today's Guest Review - ABC's "Modern Family"

I LOVE Guest Review day! "The Boys", have given us a review of a new and hilarious show called Modern Family. I caught the repeat of the premiere last night (the show usually airs on Wednesday at 9/8c) and seriously laughed out loud throughout the entire show. I'm known as a "tough room" for me to laugh that hard and frequently is rare.  

And now...Today's Guest Review !

Cameron and Lily
"Modern Family"
Premiere episode
ABC 9pm 9/23/09

Ok. So the previews looked funny but I'm always sure the scenes shown are the only funny one from the whole show cut-and-pasted to draw me in... so not true here. I honestly had to look away from the screen three times, not from cringing, but because i was going to wet myself from hysterical laughter. I won't bore you with the set up (I've followed thew review with a sitcom story set-up from a reliable source. I'll just give you the reasons to watch this show so you too can double over cross your legs and squeal (I know... sounds like a normal Friday night at my house too).

The "gay" couple return from Vietnam where they adopted a baby girl. they present her (in true diva fashion) to the family: bro in-law asks what they named her and after being told "Lily" asks "Won't that be hard for her to pronounce"? Grandpa comes around and pipes in "Bring that little potsticker here! She's one of the family now".

Cool dad and mom have a rule about the air-soft gun dad bought the boy... "If he shoots his sister, he gets shot". Of course he shoots his sister. The ensuing argument about the scheduling of dad shooting the kid ends with mom writing on the calendar for 4:15. Kid laments " Daaaad!" Dad responds "Nothing I can do son. It's on the calendar now". Dad proves unable, when confronted with the act of shooting his son with an air-soft gun, to finish the task. While processing the guilt, he is able to accidently shoot his son and the teenage boyfriend visiting his daughter.

Too many more to mention. You should need no other review than: my sister calling me as the show ended and saying "Oh my god! That is so our family". Trust me, that is the highest of praise.

"The premiere introduces viewers to three families. Ty Burrell and Julie Bowen play the traditional mom and dad. Burrell takes the role of TV clueless dad up a notch by deluding himself into thinking he is hip and cool. Bowen portrays the mom as a former wild child who now worries her kids will follow her former rebellious path. Their three kids -- a high school cutie, a precocious daughter and a klutzy son, all familiar TV types -- turn everyday parenting challenges into comedic gold.

The second family, a gay couple played by Jesse Tyler Ferguson and Eric Stonestreet, become adoptive parents in the opener. Ferguson's comedy skills were apparent on CBS' "The Class," then obscured in Fox's "Do Not Disturb." Here, and especially opposite Stonestreet, Ferguson realizes his potential.

The third family is a May-December combination played by Ed O'Neill and Sofia Vergara. O'Neill's Al Bundy is one of TV's most unforgettable characters, but this role will let viewers see him in a new light. At the same time, Vergara's character confirms that the former calendar-pinup girl can be a formidable comedy actress, something her previous series suggested but didn't conclusively demonstrate. In this show, she has a stocky young son from a previous marriage."

excerpt from:

Bravo, Boys...bravo!!

David Bowie to release live 2-cd set January 26, 2010

"Cactus" by David Bowie

Sitting here wishing on a cement floor
Just wishing that I had just something you wore
So bloody your hands on a cactus tree
Wipe it on your dress and send it to me

Yeah, I know. It's ghoulish. But there's something about those lyrics (written by Black Francis of the Pixies) that I find, well...romantic. I've been on a bit of a David Bowie bender of late. Watching The Hunger and his Storytellers on VH1 has brought back some great memories of seeing Mr. Bowie twice in concert.

I tell ya 60 years of age, I still find him incredibly attractive. The way he moves, sounds and looks...come ON.  I think maybe he really is a vampire. (I wish!)

via ONTD, Bowie's "A Reality Tour" was

"Recorded in Dublin, live versions span his entire career to-date, from "The Man Who Sold the World" (1971), "Changes" (1972), "Ziggy Stardust" (1972), "All the Young Dudes" (1972), "Rebel Rebel" (1974), "Fame" (1975)," "Heroes" (1977), "Ashes To Ashes" (1980), "Under Pressure" (1981), "I’m Afraid Of Americans" (1997), up through 10 songs from Heathen (2002) and Reality (2003) albums.

The lion’s share of songs that Bowie performed on A REALITY TOUR (and chose for release) were drawn from his two most recent albums at the time, 2002’s Heathen ( "Cactus" [written by Black Francis of the Pixies], "Sunday," "Slip Away," "Afraid," and "Heathen [The Rays]"), and 2003’s REALITY ("New Killer Star," "Reality," "The Loneliest Guy," "Never Get Old," and "Bring Me the Disco King," "Fall Dog Bombs The Moon").

In addition to Bowie, musicians on A REALITY TOUR include Gerry Leonard (band leader/guitar/vocals), Sterling Campbell (drums/vocals), Earl Slick (guitar), Gail Ann Dorsey (bass guitar/vocals), Catherine Russell (keyboards/vocals/percussion/guitar), and Mike Garson (keyboards). "

Speaking of Gail Ann Dorsey...I saw her perform with Bowie. Her vocal prowess on Under Pressure was breathtaking. (She sang Freddie Mercury's parts.) I love her look, her bald head and her voice is spectacular.

My favorite David Bowie album is Young Americans, and Fascination (written by Bowie and Luther Vandross) is, I think, my favorite song. That entire album hasn't aged one day since it was released in 1974.

Check this video out, from the old Dick Cavett Show. If you'll notice, the late, great Luther Vandross is singing backup. Awesome find, if I do say so.


I'm certainly taking the stroll down memory lane lately. Oh well...Bowie. Is. TIMELESS.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Tim Burton's Halloween Photoshoot for Harper's Bazaar Magazine

I probably would kill for this dress.

Santa Tim? Is that you?

It will come as no surprise to any of you
that I went as "Lydia" (the sulky photographer) 
from Beetlejuice many years ago for Halloween.

"Jack Skelington"--awesome.

Halloween is one sexy night, isn't it?

Oh, Tim Burton. I love you. I love Johnny Depp. I love PeeWee's Big Adventure. I love Beetlejuice. I love it all...and I know I will love Alice in Wonderland.

A couple of my favorite lines from Beetlejuice:

"If I don't gut this house and make it my own, I will go insane and TAKE YOU WITH ME!"

"Lydia, I can build you a darkroom!"
"My life is a dark room. One. Big. Dark. Room."

Just ask my family how many times I've uttered both of those quotes...and meant every word of them.


Dame Elizabeth Taylor hits Macy's Passport Red Carpet

 Dame Elizabeth and her jewels!
One big sandwich of Pretty.
AnnaLynne McCord, from 90201,
with her gorgeous sisters, Angel and Rachel,
who all attended the Macy's Passport Gala. 

I love that Dame Elizabeth Taylor made a glorious appearance at the Macy's Passport Red Carpet Event. She's looking great, and made a lovely statement:

"As my beloved friend Michael (Jackson) said, 'We are the world.' And it is up to us to take care of those who are sick and dying, in this country and particularly in Africa."

So good to see her out and about...and those McCord girls? GORGEOUS.

Song of the Day - Peter Murphy's "Cuts You Up"

Oh yes. This is for my Doll, Tim.

xoxo, Love.

Today's Blind Item - Tight Black Shirt in Afghanistan Edition (**NOW WITH VIDEO**)

"Which hunky news anchor wore a special black helmet to go with his tight, black T-shirt for his reports from the front? The dark get-up made him really stand out among the troops in their camouflage fatigues."

via (Page Six)

Oh, come ON. We all know this is our Silver Fox on CNN. Lord knows we all watched him, stoically carrying on while being sick with what's being reported as a case of The Swine Flu--but looking FABULOUS with his big guns.

Khloe Kardashian's Engagement Ring

Khloe's big-ass ring.

Let's all hope Khloe Kardashian made a stipulation in the pre-nup (IS there one?) to keep the ring, knowm'sayin'?

I'll bet Kourtney is pissed at Khloe for stealing her thunder and tabloid covers, and I'll be KIM is pissed that she won't be the first Kardashian chick to get married.

I smell another family girl fight! 

OhLord. Here's MY Bitchface photo, as requested. Yeeesh.

I know I've pulled a bitchier Bitchface, but it's the only one I can find. I'll keep looking.

Send me yours, Bitches!!

Today's Blind Item - Children as Accessories Edition


"What upper list celebrity parents have only seen their child/children for a total of five days over the past two months. The parents feel like the child/children get in the way too much and our parents have way too much going on in their lives to be concerned with their child/children right now."

via CDaN

This Blind Item could be more of a "which couple isn't neglecting their kids?" post, right?

I doubt that it's Jennifer Garner, Jennifer (Bitchface) Alba, Nicole Richie, Brad and Angie...

But it could be JLo and Skeletor, Catherine Zeta-Jones (who turns 40 -- yeah, RIGHT!) and Michael Douglas (who turns 65 today)...oh, who am I kidding? There are so many Hollywood couples who seem to use their kids as accessories that I just don't know how to stop this list.

Feel free to give me your guesses!!

Recommended Movie of the Weekend - "The Hunger", with David Bowie

Bauhaus performing "Bela Lugosi's Dead" in the 
trailer for "The Hunger"

I was 22 when "The Hunger" was released. All I remember was the fuss everyone made over the love scene between Susan Sarandon and the luminous Catherine Deneuve. (My God, she's beautiful.) I never saw the film in the theatre; I wish that I had.

It's much more. David Bowie's performance is completely heartbreaking, and altogether too short. It's also a cool way to remember what we thought was sexy in the 80's--chiffon curtains blowing from an unknown wind, scenes seemingly shot through mini-blinds (a la` American Gigolo). 

Okay, maybe I'm the only one who has enjoyed taking the stroll down memory lane by watching The Hunger. The final scene with Catherine Deneuve is sort of lame, but just sit back and feel the darkness of the 80's.

Pamela Anderson? The REAL Origin of The Swine Flu on Parade in New Zealand


OhdearLord. Why does Pamela Anderson feel the need to show us her raggedy bits and pieces...STILL? Here is Old Girl in New Zealand for their version of Fashion Week. (How awesome can it be if this old biddy is the best they have to offer?) Apparently, Pammy's working with some weird-ass "designer" named Richie Rich (who literally fell down on roller skates while following her down the runway).

Here's the thing. Pam has two young boys. And by that I mean CHILDREN OF HER OWN, not two dumb models tryna get ahead. Those two kids had better have standing reservations at every single rehab facility on the west coast. 

Pamela Anderson needs to STOP this -- NOW. 

Dipped in Cream Contest! Send me your best Bitchface photo!

Julia Roberts with her Bitchface...

I received a hilarious request from a reader for a contest here on Dipped in Cream. We've done the sans fard photos--now let's see our best BITCHFACE.

Send me your photos. We all know you have 'em. And believe me...this is NOT just for the ladies. I know was too many men who are more than capable at pulling a bitchface.

Bitches, send your photos here:

The Bitchface Winner gets some Dipped in Cream merch!


Thursday, September 24, 2009

"Single Ladies" performed by football team on "GLEE" last night--GENIUS.

I'm completely on board with my production number-loving husband on the joy of watching "GLEE" each Wednesday night on FOX. 

Last night was absolutely genius and just darling. If you're not watching it by now, you really need to be. It's just fantastic. 

Does this make up for my bitchiness regarding Pinchy McLemonhead earlier? 

I didn't think so. Sigh.

Pinchy McLemonhead won't gain weight for "Bridget Jones" again.

Pinchface Renee Zellweger
with a fine ass vs. no ass

Don't count on Pinchface Zellweger to gain one ounce for the next film installment of Bridget Jones. Lemonhead Renee is saying NO to ever  eating again:

via ONTD:

"...instead of embarking on a high fat diet as she did for the 2001 and 2004 pictures, will turn to the wardrobe department to make her appear larger.

A source tells Britain's Reveal magazine, "Renee will be wearing a fat suit in the third film as it took her a while to lose the weight last time. She's also thinking about the effect quickly putting on and then losing 30 pounds has on her body.SURE she is.

Oh I see. Pinchy feels that by not eating, continuing date closet cases (that country dude she married and had the marriage annulled for, well--you know why, as well as the actor she's "dating" now) maybe, just maybeee someone, anyone will love her. Jesus H. I think she and Aniston should just get together and be done with it. Then have babies. I might even like the two of those bitches then.

That was harsh. But I don't feel well enough today to pull any goddamn punches where stupid anorexic actresses are concerned.