Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Megan Fox: Gorgeous. Strange Thumbs.

Ladies and gentlemen, Megan Fox. Again.
Hold the phone. That forearm tattoo
and the thumb. Let's discuss.

There are two groups of Megan Fox followers on the Internet: the ones who are so infatuated with the beauty and sexiness, and the ones who are obsessed with her awful forearm tattoo of Marilyn Monroe and her oddly shaped THUMBS. Look closely at that digit. You would not BELIEVE the people out there who cannot get past those thumbs. I have more of a problem with the tattoo--this coming from someone with FOUR tattoos. The forearm tattoo is NEVER, EVER elegant.

Still. She's really pretty, even IF she's a low-rent Angelina. BOOM. Nice back-handed compliment!

Today's Blind Item!

"Which actress refuses to takes her clothes off, even during very intimate moments? She is young and beautiful, so you would think she would wear as little clothing as possible. Actually, she is so self-conscious about some recent plastic surgery improvements that she has taken to wearing a bra and tshirt to bed." [BlindGossip]

I Know Who Should Play Monster Casey Anthony in the Movie

That woman in Florida who killed her daughter.
Alyssa Milano

Alyssa Milano. Now, I really have nothing against Alyssa. I've been wracking my brain to figure out who child-killer Casey Anthony resembles (yeah, I said it--she's GUILTY and everyone knows she is). Granted, Alyssa is SUPER-gorgeous, but there are similarities (the smile?) and we all know Hollywood makes everyday-killers much more attractive on film.

Years ago, Alyssa played Amy Fisher, remember? It was one of about 3 television movies about the "Long Island Lolita", and I liked hers so much more than Drew Barrymore's portrayal of the now-pornstar. (Ick, by the way.)

What do you guys think? Do you have any other actresses in mind for this inevitable piece of crap movie?

Chris Brown to Apologize to Rihanna on Oprah?

"Gurrrrl...he WILL hit you again."
Honestly? I think this story is a load of crap. Can you even imagine Oprah pulling a stunt like making StupidChrisBrown come on her show and "apologize" to Rihanna? Come ON. Nevertheirregardless (thank you, David Sedaris for that word), I thought I'd pass this on to ya'll:

"Sources tell Look Magazine that Oprah Winfrey and Rihanna have been secretly talking after she told the R&B star not to reconcile with Chris Brown on her daily show.

She is rumored to have asked Chris Brown to not only pay a visit to Oprah but apologize to her on the show.

Sources tell the publication,

“Rihanna has been talking to Oprah Winfrey on a regular basis since late February, when Oprah begged her not to take Chris back. She’s been having second thoughts about them being back together. Agreeing to go on Oprah’s show and tell the world how sorry he is will help make up her mind”.
As IF.

The "Conficker" Computer Virus Scares the Crap Out of Me.


I'm a little wigged out about the prospect of this "Conficker" (who names these things?) computer virus that is supposed to hit tomorrow, April 1st. Is it for real? Is it an April Fool's Day joke? I don't feel PC-literate enough to know how this one may infect my laptop. I mean, I don't (well, usually don't) open emails that I don't recognize or crap like that.

I'm afraid to even sign on tomorrow. What's up with my paranoia?
Can someone help me feel better about this?

I'm a dork, by the way.

Kellie Pickler and Russell Brand Share a Hairstylist

Naughty Brit, Russell

Clearly. Obviously. Oh. My. God.
I completely understand Russell--but I don't think I'll ever understand that other chick.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Paltrow to Change Name of Stupid Blog from GOOP to BOOB

"Quit looking at me in my SEE-THROUGH SHIRT!"

Here's Paltrow shopping at the Brentwood Country Mart with Judas and Pomegranate. Nice see-through shirt and black bra, Perfect Mom.

This is Not a Test by the Emergency Broadcasting System: Victoria Beckham Wearing FLIP-FLOPS

Happy dogs.

...and boyfriend jeans. Now I've seen EVERYTHING. Victoria's poor feet must be weeping with joy. As a former stiletto junkie, I know that my feet flat out refuse to wear anything other than ballet flats (thank you, Amy Winehouse, for that lasting trend) or Nike cross-trainers. Since I was 15 (!) years old, I have worn 3+ inch heels at least 5 days a week--until the past 12 months. I have a pain in my right ankle that feels like a hot, stabbing barbecue fork pretty much all day. Even when I'm sleeping. I know it's totally related to the torture devices I subjected my feet, ankles and back (which has an artificial disc, a metal place and four screws holding my L1-S5 in place). Did you hear that? I just heard and understood the clue about those bitchy high heels .

Now run along and tell Victoria. Then tell me what she says.

Today's Blind Item!

NY Daily News Blind Item
Which top actor got caught with his pants down in a club’s closet with two very unattractive women, which his friends all proceeded to laugh at?

I'm Not a Smiler.

My "normal" face.

I just finished reading one of my favorite blogs, Well Honestly Now, which I just love. Wendie posted a darling photo of her smiling face with her gorgeous little girl. It's seriously one of the sweetest pictures I've seen. Wendie mentioned how she isn't much of a smiler, which got me thinking about my lack of smiley-ness. I've been told that I seem aloof and unapproachable because I don't have a grin plastered across my mug 24/7...or even 2.4/7.

I gave my mom (HAPPY BIRTHDAY!) a picture (above) of me taken on New Year's Eve (in a go-go cage with a martini in hand...hmmm) with the biggest smile I've flashed in years. It takes a lot for me to smile. I'm not sure why, though. I hear it takes more effort for facial muscles to frown than to smile. I don't believe it, for one thing, because I will always find the laziest way to do pretty much everything. It's not something I'm proud of, my slothdom, but it's deeply ingrained.

Ugh. I think I better stop with the self-flagellation before I go into detail about all my of Seven Deadly Sins...we already know gluttony and pride have been mentioned here ad nauseum. And envy. And wrath. And probably the remaining two, which I don't wanna talk about.


Friday, March 27, 2009

I Love Lebron James. LOVE Him, I Tell Ya.

King James
Beautiful Lebron, GQ Magazine

Look at that wingspan, man.

Sweet Baby King James

We named our boxer puppy James. As in, LEBRON JAMES. What we didn't realize is that we, too, have a gorgeous freak of nature on our hands. Our James is 9 months old, 26 " at the shoulder and 70 lbs. "King" Lebron James has a 7 foot wingspan and is argueably the best player in the NBA. (I do not care for Kobe, so don't even say his name, mmkay?)

So basically, this post is just an excuse to show Lebron's unfathomable talent and physical beauty. Oh yeah, and "Baby King James" and his beauty--also the reason I named this silly blog Dipped in Cream (his feet are white!).

Check this out, ya'll.

Today's Blind Item!

This one practically requires an abacus. Read slowly and carefully...
Two actresses. #1 is a C lister with B list name recognition who works steadily and is married to a celebrity (#2). Our C lister has been on a couple of very popular television dramas. #3 is a B list actress who has been in this space before. Primarily television. A list name recognition. She was a lead on one of the more famous network shows ever. Anyway, at a recent party, #1 and #3 greeted each other like long lost friends. It turns out that #1 had just been paid a visit by her coke dealer right before the party. The two actresses could not stop squealing and kept looking inside #1's purse. Finally they couldn't stand it any longer and visited the bathroom. At one point during the evening they were doing it openly. They would just reach into #1's purse and do a little hit. At the end of the event, the two actresses each called their respective husbands to say they were too tired to come home and were last seen checking into an adjacent hotel where presumably they kept the party going on all night." CDaN
The B-list actress with the popular TV show in the past had a bad coke problem back when she was with her ex-boyfriend...funny guy; HUGE move in 1989; not much lately. The C-list actress could be married to a musician?

Her name is Mercy James Ciccone.

Mama Madonna and Mercy

Mercy is a darling little girl. I'd like to think Madonna's heart is in the right place by adopting this child from Malawi. It sure would be nice if she quit bringing random young models home to meet kids, then kicking the dudes to the curb. How emotionally stable of an environment is that, really? And what about Madonna's ex, Guy Ritchie in all of this? He's David's adoptive dad; Madonna adopted Mercy so David will have a sibling who shares is his culture, but Guy won't be her dad. I'm probably making more out of this than is necessary, since lots of kids come from blended families all the time. I'm just sayin'. Those kids of Madonna's are having a strange upbringing.

"An official said, "The adoption is going ahead. It has been at an advanced stage for some time. The girl is from the Mchinji Home of Hope orphanage. She has no father and mother, they both died...We finished the assessment yesterday in readiness for the courts next week."

I wonder just how long it would take the average Joe Blow and his wife to adopt a child from Malawi. Silly question.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Today's Blind Item!!

"Which tabloid-favorite actress is purposefully packing on the pudge so she can launch her own weight loss line? She's hoping to lose the first 20 pounds quickly, and cash in by following the "miracle" in a series of infomercials." [BlindGossip]

Madonna is Shopping at The Baby Store Again.

"This one's gettin' too big to cuddle!"
Oh, Raising Arizona. I can just hear Holly Hunter (as "Ed") barking at Nicolas Cage (as "H.I. McDonough"), "you git back up thar and git me a toddler! I NEEED a baby!" I know. Random.
I think Madona feels having another baby (for a nanny to take care of--oh. shit. She has to hire a new one because her other one just quit...then she fired her) will make her appear younger. Fertile. Undead.
Anyway, here we go again:

"A Malawi welfare department representative says Madonna has already filed adoption papers in the country and that her adoption case could go before the courts as early as Monday.

Earlier this month, the superstar spoke out to Malawi's local Nation newspaper and did nothing to stop the rumors."Many people--especially our Malawian friends--say that David should have a Malawian brother or sister," she was quoted as telling the paper.

"It's something I have been considering, but would only do if I had the support of the Malawian people and government."

You mean she wouldn't just do it like she did with David?

Padma? Seriously? Really??

I'm SO sure!!
Remember when Paris Hilton did that gross Carl's Jr. commercial with the washing of the car and the eating of the big ol' burger? THAT was almost more believeable than this one with gorgeous Padma Lakshmi from Bravo's Top Chef wolfing the new bacon burger from Hardee's. (Plus, as beautiful as she is, they photographed her in a way that she looks like Angelina, don't you think? Or maybe I'm obsessed.)
ANYnotinamillionyears. That burger looks good. Remember, I'm not eating meat. But not for ethical reasons.

Obama Loves Him, Man.


Adam Lambert Sings Motown Beautifully.

Due to copywrite issues on YouTube, this video may not stay up much longer, so please take a look while you can.

Last night's American Idol theme was Motown classics. Yeah, I thought, "HONK SHOOOO" until Miss Adam Lambert performed Smokey Robinson's "Tracks of My Tears". Holy shit. This chick has range. From Freddie Mercury to Michael Jackson to Lady Gaga, he can do anything. I'm not always so flipped out about someone on Idol. Adam freakin' NAILED it and looked fantastic doing it.

America's New American Idol is ADAM LAMBERT.

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Rihanna Has a Dumb New Tattoo.

Yeah. Real badass.

Tattoos are very personal. For the average person to get one, it requires a great amount of thought. What is the meaning behind the artwork? Does it "speak" to me in a deep, almost spiritual manner? That's how I went about getting the four tattoos that I have, anyway. I have two rosaries (one with a sacred heart in the center), a full-sized sacred heart and a vision of heaven. Sort of a theme, if you will.

Rihanna just got herself a gun. Unfortunately, it's not the kind of gun that will keep her abusive boyfriend from smacking her up again. It's a tiny little tattoo of a gun under her armpit, as if to say, "See what you made me think about, Chris? Now please stop punching my face, Baby.'.

Here comes my faux-psychoanalysis: Rihanna is pissed. Passive-aggressively pissed. Tattooing a gun on her body (by an artist by the name of BangBang--eyeroll), must make her feel powerful. Instead, it shows just how scared she is of her future.

That'll be $260; you can pay on your way out. Be sure to set up your next appointment.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Diddy's Ciroc Commerical - Dark Skinned African Americans Need Not Apply

Not cool.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic


I hope ya'll are scanning this with your reading glasses on, because P. Diddy is very specific about paying his $35 under-the-table per hour for "hispanics and light-skinned african-americans" ONLY. Wow.

I don't know about you, but I don't think that's altogether cool, man.

Courtesy: Oh No They Didn't. Thanks!

Lance Armstrong. JERK. (Allegedly.)

"Umm, yeah. A vodka tonic and a Vicodin-back, NOW."

Here's what's funny about seeing this piece on Lance Armstrong's Asshole-Like Behavior on a flight after having surgery on his collarbone: I Googled, Lance Armstrong Jerk. The articles were ENDLESS! Page upon page, article after article about Lance's jerk-like personality. So in my book, the following probably did happen, especially since it's E! reporting the story:

"After crashing during the run-up to his stunningly ambitious eighth Tour de France, Lance was on a flight from Madrid to Atlanta. And apparently the sometimes-womanizer took his self-pity out on the other passengers. Perhaps he knew how bad surgery was going to be, what with that steel plate and those 12 screws he'd just had implanted in his collarbone, which was busted in four spots?

Regardless, an A.T. reader on the flight with L.A. contacted us and described how unpleasant the 36-year-old cancer-surviving cyclist was:

"He was such an asshole," ranted our onboard babe. "He was so wasted on painkillers, and he drank a lot. It was just obnoxious."

So how much did he chug exactly? "Enough to be cut off," the witness told us. And that was in first class, where the booze flows freely until passengers usually cut themselves off, honeys.

After bitchin' for a while, Lancey, who had his arm in a sling, finally went to sleep, much to the flight attendants' and other passengers' joy."

I want pictures and a video from fellow passengers. You know where to find me.

Sean Penn is a ManWhore.

"WHAT did you just say? Wait
til we get HOME!"

First, "Peen" was rumored to be sniffing (snorting?) around Lindsay Lohan. Then there was a Blind Item practically naming him for hanging out and participating in porn activities (at the Hustler headquarters with Charlie Sheen?) ,

"Both of these award winning actors are A list. #2 is an A list movie actor, while #3 got his start in movies, and is now an A list television actor. Oh. Both of them are married as well. And both of them also have child(ren). Three or four times a year they get invited to a porno shoot by one of their mutual friends. When they get there though, it is not about watching, it is about each taking a turn with every actress on the set." [CDaN]

and now he's getting way too friendly (is that what "fornicating" means now?) with Natalie Portman. What exactly is his wife Robin Wright-Penn getting out of this deal, except exposure to all kinds of diseases? She filed for divorce back in December of last year and then took this asshole back. I don't get it AT ALL.

Here are the reports of "the love of Madonna's life" and his cheating ways:

"Lindsay Lohan likes Milk. Anyway, she likes the star of Gus Van Sant’s longish take on the life and times of gay activist Harvey Milk.
At Sean Penn’s private dinner for Milk last week at downtown/far west eatery The John Dory — in which the former Jeff Spicoli has invested — Lohan showed up sans partner Samantha Ronson. Sources say she immediately sidled up to Penn, who took her under his wing, so to speak. “They nuzzled,” says my observer, before taking off for an after party somewhere in the bowels of Chelsea, no doubt."


"According to a report, the “Mystic River” stud (who recently reunited with his wife Robin Wright Penn) was joined by the “Garden State” cutie, Natalie Portman over at the Sunset Tower Hotel on March 17th.

The eyewitness observed the celebs “constantly touching each other” during dinner before heading off to spend some private time together.

“They went to a bank of elevators that only goes to the spa or to private rooms. They came back about 45 minutes later, and that’s when I saw them making out.”

The source continued, “There’s a door outside of the hotel’s Tower Bar that has a bridge to the terrace, so it’s semi-private. I used that path to get to the restroom, and when I came back, I had to go through some curtains — and that’s when I interrupted Sean and Natalie! When they saw me, they were startled and quickly composed themselves.”

I wish Robin would file for divorce again. I'm feeling a lack of self-respect on her part. It's been reported ad nauseum that Sean Penn is an abuse SOB. (When he was married to Madonna, he "trussed her up like a turkey and beat the shit out of her". What he's reportedly doing with these young birds in Hollywood is abusive to his wife in itself. Ick.

Oh, and he does love the cocaine. Just sayin'.

Today's Blind Item!!

"Which hot actor is clueless about his GF's cocaine addiction? His lady waits until he's off promoting a film before throwing wild drug bashes at their home." [NYDN]
Hmmmm...maybe a certain "Disney-ish" couple? She sure likes being photographed while working out. Maybe to throw everyone off the trail?

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Photoshop Before and After: Kim Kardashian Style!

Oh, Photoshop.

Complex Magazine posted a pre-Photoshopped picture of Kim Kardassian on their website and Animal NY caught it before it was switched out.
You know, Kim doesn't really need to have her skin lightened like that to be pretty. (Keep in mind that I've said a thousand times, she's waaay prettier without all that hooker make-up, too.)
Remember pictures like these. No one really looks perfect. Ever.

Guess Who Was Quoted on E! Tonight??

JasonKennedy1@divajulia I used yours, thank you.

Ya'll should watch The Daily 10 on E! at 7:30 p.m. Pacific Time. I was quoted about Mr. David Cook. WOOT!

David Cook is an Idiot AND a Douche

"I hate my fans!!"
Douchey Mc Idoldork has taken to his MySpace page to let all his 95-year old fans that he doesn't want them to do anything except pay for their goddamned tickets, t-shirts and cd's and then eff OFF. The End.

Mc Idoldork needs to spend a week with my budding rockstar son, Hunter. (www.myspace.com/huntersstroud ) He'll show him how to treat a girl. He just recorded a cover of Pat Benatar's "Heartbreaker". Sigh.

Please read the note that dork from "Idol" wrote to all those bothersome people who like him:

"Hey everyone,

First off, I want to say thank you to everyone who has been coming out to the shows since my last post. The vibe at these shows has been amazing.

Secondly, I have to address some behavior that has become disturbing. We pride ourselves on being accessible to you as fans, but in contrast, we do enjoy what little privacy we can muster. To that end, the efforts by some fans to find our hotel rooms, call our hotel rooms, attach things to our bus, etc., is something I have to condemn. This relationship only works when it remains healthy for both parties, and should this behavior continue, the only thing we can do is take more preventative measures to maintain our privacy, which in turn makes us less accessible to you.

I hope this doesn't come off as harsh. I merely want to nip this in the bud so we can continue to have a great experience with all of you at the shows we have coming up.

Take care and see you at the next show. ~D"

"This relationship?" WHAT relationship? What School of Rock did this a-hole attend? Clearly not the REAL one. Real rockstars are supposed to open their hotel room, bus and backstage doors and zippers for the groupies.

God, he's stupid.

Lindsay? You're Lying Right This Minute.

The non-drinking, drugging and lying Lindsay Lohan.

This is awesome. Lindsay wants us to believe that she "doesn't drink, do drugs or lie", according to E! News:

On her relationship with Samantha Ronson:"They need to stop saying we're fighting. People telling lies about me to her and all this garbage. I'm really a good person and I have a good heart and just want to work
and the only reason I go to clubs is to hear Samantha spin or be normal."

On the "real" Lindsay Lohan:

"I don't drink, I don't do drugs and I don't lie. I love to act and write and be creative and I want to help people by playing characters that can send a positive message out to whomever may need it."
On why she can't get work:"If people would just leave my personal life alone--because it's really not that interesting--then I could land a great role. But all the sicko fans and the noise is so distracting."

On her dreams:

"I'd like to have my own charity, do work overseas, be in Oscar-nominated films, write movies, produce movies/shows/videos, design clothes, make music, write books, etc. It's all possible if people would just stop judging me and accusing me and making me out to be this aloof, spoiled, ungrateful and unprofessional person that I am not and could never be."

Oh, Lindsay. This is why we love you. You're actually quite self-aware in how you perceive the public veiws you and your behavior.

Oh, and your pants are on fire. (Please insert joke here:__________)

Today's Blind Item!!

"Another B lister. He does a mix of television and movies, but he is making his money and fame on this hit network drama. He never had much success in movies even though he used to do them exclusively. Anyway, he has a non celebrity career wife and child(ren). Lately, he has been attending many of her work functions, and one thing led to another and he is now sleeping with his wife's secretary." [CDaN]
My guess: Wife works for a home-based cosmetic company that he has done some advertising for on TV and in print.

Oh, Brother. Anne Hathaway is Praying for an Oscar and a Tony by Playing Judy Garland

Just Google "Anne Hathaway ugly big mouth".
It's that simple.

I can see inside Anne Hathaway's transparent little head (okay big head.) "Ooohhh...if I sing with Jackman on the Oscars, everyone will know I can belt 'em out like Judy!" She was auditioning, live on the Academy Awards. Ugh. So now horseyteeth is gonna play Judy Garland in both the stage and screen versions of her life story.

I have never seen anyone so thrilled to watch her own film clips when being introduced at an awards ceremony. Hathaway's eyes welled with tears and then gave herself a big round of applause after watching her own screechy performance in "Horseyteeth Overacting" or whatever it was called. I completely cringed with embarrassment while she congratulated herself at the podium after winning the Golde Globe. Honestly, she is her own biggest fan.

So. You've been warned; prepare your embarrassment threshold.

Monday, March 23, 2009

WHAT?? No one told ME Dave was getting married!

DL Pictures, Images and Photos
Oh, Dave.

I'm not sure how I feel about this. Those of you who know me well, also know of my 25+ year crush on David Letterman. Yeah, I said it--over 25 years--I think that's more of a relationship than a mere crush. Smartass friends used to say I was Dave's stalker--you know, the nut who would call herself his "wife" and wander around his house without permission. Psssh.

So yeah. Dave's married now. His son, Harry was there. I see him as being very Opie Taylor in nature. (Probably because he looks just like Ron Howard did back then.) I'll bet he's got quite a little sarcastic way about him and has a terrific vocabulary.

So goddmann it. Dave's married. I mean, congratulations.

“On Thursday, at 3 PM, March 19, 2009 at the Teton County Courthouse in Choteau, Montana, I was married to Regina Lasko,” Letterman told the audience. “Regina and I began dating in February of 1986, and I said, ‘Well, things are going pretty good, let’s just see what happens in about ten years.’ I had avoided getting married pretty good for, like, 23 years, and I - honestly, whether this happened or not - I secretly felt that men who were married admired me… like I was the last of the real gunslingers, you know what I’m saying?”

Recalling his big day, Dave says things went a little haywire when he, Regina, and their young son Harry got in a pickup truck to go to the courthouse: “So now, we get ready to go and we’ve got to drive into the courthouse and it’s muddy, and we’re supposed to be there at 2, and it’s me, Regina and Harry in the truck, in the pickup truck… So we get two miles from the house and we get stuck in the mud – I mean, turn the truck over, stuck in the mud. So now we think, ‘Well, somebody will come– no, nobody comes along. Nobody comes along – it’s Thursday afternoon, who’s coming along, Zorro? No, nobody – so I get out of the truck and I walk two miles back to the house into a 50 mile an hour wind. It’s not Beverly Hills, it’s Montana, for God’s sakes.”

“And the whole way, I’m thinking, ‘See, smart ass, see, see, you try to get married, this is what happens. See, well, you’ve got nobody to blame but yourself. Could have happened any other day, but you wait now, see, this is what you get.’ So then we get in the car and Harry says, ‘Are we still going into town?’ and I said, ‘Yes, we are,’ and he gets very upset because mom had told him if I wasn’t back in an hour, the deal was off.”

It's a sad day, ladies.

Stinkfoot Suri is in CHARGE, and Romeo Beckham is...

"Take my hand and follow ME, Mommy!"

Oh boy. Stinkfoot has her little Scientolo-brow raised. She's in control of this sitch and she means it. (Of course I must mention she's wearing leggings not tights with those sparkly red shoes = sour-time when they come off.)

Poor little Romeo Beckham looks horrified. "Mum? Why must I play with a toddler? A girl toddler?" I worry a bit for Romeo. What with his uber-metro daddy and crazy-fierce mummy, he really doesn't stand a chance, if you catch my drift. He's not all athletic and butch like his brothers Cruz and Brooklyn. NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH IT...I'm just sayin'.

Katie? Hurry up. My newspaper shoulda been on my stoop two hours ago.

Today's Blind Item!!

"Which OCD celeb is so scared of germs that she insists on having her toilet replaced in every hotel she stays in?" [Mirror]
Can you imagine?? "Uh, yes Ms. Ciccone, we totally replaced the entire toilet!"

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Bruce Willis Remarries--Is it Just ME??

Ummm...doesn't she look sorta familiar?

Bruce and Emma?

Thirty-two year-old model Emma Heming, married 54-year-old Bruce Willis last night on the island of Turks and Caicos in the Caribbean. Honestly. I can't be the only one who see the obvious resemblance to Bruce's ex-wife, Demi Moore.

I wonder what Ashton thinks.

Jade Goody Passes Away From Cervical Cancer


This is mainly for my British friends, whom I'm sure can't get enough of this story (ahem). Jade Goody has lost her battle with cervical cancer. I do hope this event has at least brought to the forefront the importance of yearly screenings for early detection.

"For those of you following Jade Goody's story which has captivated pretty much all of Britain, the 27-year-old reality star died in her sleep this morning, Mother's Day in the U.K. after battling cancer. She left behind two young sons. People reports:

Max Clifford, her publicist and friend, confirmed the news to PEOPLE. "She had been pretty much asleep for the last 24 hours," he says, adding she died "just before 4 o'clock this morning." He adds, "Her legacy will be that a lot of women owe their lives to Jade Goody because of her public announcement and battle against cervical cancer," which has led to increased knowledge of it and the screening necessary to catch it.

"She has captured the hearts and minds of people all over the world, from Australia to America and everywhere else."

Friday, March 20, 2009

Madonna Excommunicates Jesus

All done!

Madonna has decided to end things with her 22-year-old boyfriend Jesus Luz after he was spotted partying in Rio with several females and reportedly hooked up with 19-year-old model Luciana Costa, according to the Daily Star:
"As our insider explained: "Madonna has just come out of a very long and difficult relationship."She was drawn to Jesus. But it was just a bit of fun and she's enjoyed herself. But she is growing bored of the relationship and her family comes first. He would ruin her chances of adopting again. And the pictures of him with Luciana made her realise that he'll be better suited to somebody his own age."
Oh SURE. It's never about anyone other than Madonna. Even those of us who don't know her personally know that. Sheesh.

Oh, Lindsay. I'm Embarrassed FOR You.

Holy CRAP this is CRAP.

Here's our girl Lindsay in some Italian clothing line commercial. I guess I can't blamer her for the cheesiness of it all (and no, I don't think the producers are being "ironic" or "kitschy--ads in Italy are this lame). But I can certainly blame her for whoring herself. But hey, coke's not cheap, is it Linds?

Today's Blind Item - IT'S NICE!


"This married B list primarily television actress was on one of the most popular television shows of all time. Although she doesn't always seem like it from the outside, she actually has a very warm heart. When she found out her long time housekeeper was working two jobs in order to be able to provide for four nieces and nephews that had recently moved in with her, our actress not only gave her housekeeper a huge raise, but bought her a new mini-van to drive everyone around and paid for the rent on a new place to live for an entire year."

Cheaty McCheaterson LeAnn Rimes's Husband is G.A.Y.

Mr. and Mrs. Gayface

How shall I say tihis? Ummmm. DURRRR??? I have such sensitive gay-dar that I was thrown to the floor by the sparkly-ness the first time I saw LeAnn's husband, Dean. I think it was a few years ago on Cribs on MTV. He was swishing around their Nashville home in a tutu and a cowboy hat, I believe. I want the whole back-story on this one.

So, OF COURSE LeAnn cheated with her married with children Lifetime Movie co-star Eddie Cibiran.

E! News is reporting this juiciness:

"Dean's friends and family called into Michigan's Mojo in the Morning show to confirm that the former backup dancer is gay!!!!

Cousin Pebbles called into the morning talk show and matter-of-factly stated, "I mean, there were so many situations that happened when we were teenagers… He's gay. He's been gay since he was probably five."

Adds the babbling cousin, "The family literally used to take bets on what age he would come out, and then all of the sudden he got married!"
After Pebbles outed her cousin, the calls came pouring in!

The word from a student of the former dance teacher turned backup dancer? "He's definitely gay."

And from a woman who used to work at a restaurant with Dean's high school friends? "They called him "Dancer Dean"… [His friends] were surprised that he got married because they knew he was gay in high school the whole time."

The ratings for the Lifetime Movie. "Northen Lights" will be through the freaking ROOF...and I hope LeAnn has a pre-nup. Although, maybe they like this "arrangement". Patrick and I used to say we'd get married later in life (before I met Stephen) for insurance reasons and companionship. So there.

US Weekly has all of a sudden turned mean...usually they are super-suck-uppy so they can continue to get boring celebrity "exclusives". I guess they don't care enough about these two in the future. Check this shit out:

So, um, clearly this is a relationship underway. I mean, who sucks on a guy's fingers on a first date, right?
Unless it's after a few shots. In college.
Check out the video here and decide for yourself.
Twenty-two seconds into it, US Weekly describes Cibrian arriving at the restaurant. He allegedly takes Rimes' hand and they walk in the restaurant together. They sit -- center left of the frame -- and hold hands (36 seconds) and kiss (1:47). At the 2:10 mark, Rimes suggestively sucks on Cibrian's finger.

Hmm. i can see some kissing going on but the video is way to grainy and small to see if that's a finger sucking moment. Could be. What do you think?
Us Weekly reports that they have seen the $95 receipt for the dinner, paid for by Cibrian on his credit card and signed by him."
Ya'll are so nasty.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Who's Better At It?

Dita Von Tisse
Sherilynn Fenn
Ahhh yes. Sherilynn Fenn. Oh, Twin Peaks, how I miss you. Seeing this picture of Ms. Fenn re-ignited my girl-crush on her. So many people are enamored with Dita Von Tisse. She is lovely.
But Sherilynn did it so much better, no?

Alexis Grace - Booted From "American Idol"...

Alexis Grace singing for dear life last night.

...in a rather cruel fashion last night, don't you think? Granted, no one--and I do mean no one enjoyed Alexis's cover of "Jolene" written by Dolly Parton during Grand Ole Opry Week. The judges said she didn't have enough "passion" when singing the twangy classic, and thus, she was voted into the Bottom Three (which I think is Seacrest's codename when he frequents the "White Swallow" club...). The a-hole judges insinuated during the final elimination portion that they were indeed considering using their great and powerful veto magic wand to save a contestant if they were booted. Once it was revealed that Alexis (and not that boring dork whose name I cannot even remember, let along what song he sang...honk shooooo), she sang with deliberate cracks in her voice and artificial tears that would never come, in hopes of saving her little life on "Idol". The judges had their side-bar...then BOOM. "Sorry, good--but not good enough."

There was no need to be that cruel to that little chick. Oh wait. RATINGS.

Stinkfoot is Taking Ballet Lessons...P.U.

Kate, Giant Stinkfoot and Blankie

Oh Stinkfoot. It's been awhile. Ya'll just know she's the only child in ballet class WITHOUT TIGHTS. Insanity, I tell ya.

I wonder if the rumors are true that pale and sickly-looking Kate is prego?

Today's Blind Item...Pretty Sad.

"They’ve been married a while now, he’s still desperately in love with her, and has been patiently waiting to have children…only she hasn’t been healthy enough to get pregnant. Because she loves heroin. Last summer it was a last chance, he took her on extended holiday, cleaned her up, a new positive attitude, kept her busy working on a new project through the fall, away from her regular enablers, and it totally worked out. She was in a good creative space. She was able to fight the temptation.But as an actor, the work ends eventually and if there’s nothing new to do, there’s really nothing else to do. Bored and idle, the old demons have come back. One day last month he came home from a long overnight and couldn’t find her. The dealer called a few hours later telling him to pick her up, she was so out of it even he had to cut her off and she had started harassing his other clients. All the emotional wear and tear, it’s beginning to show on him physically too. But he’s working more than she is and can’t get away for several weeks so he’s hired a babysitter to watch her night and day. Babysitter. She resents him for it of course so the fights are getting worse … and the one benefitting from all of this is a slag bitch colleague who’s been waiting for her chance for a long, long time."

Possibility: Husband is on an ensemble medical show; wife is a former-model with a tragedy in her past. Google that?

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Separated at Birth - Samantha Ronson and...HUNTER?

Sam and Linds
Oh Hunter.

THIS is some funny shit. Hunter walked into my house wearing this get-up. I said, "jesus, you look just like Sam Ronson". He didn't even flinch.