Jaaayzus. Stinkfoot Suri is wearing BOOTS with a sleeveless dress...in NYC!

Isabella Cruise, her spoiled little sister, and The Step Mother, Katie

For Pete's sake. Earlier in the week, Stinkfoot Suri donned appropriate outerwear--FOR ONCE, but with bare legs and high heels. Now here she is, in a sleeveless frock, wearing Kermit-Green rubber boots (and matching handbag?) with no coat. I KNOW I'm beating the dead Cruise Horse.  Y'all should be used to it by now? WHERE is her GD coat???? Oh, and they are shopping in New York City, where the temperature is hovering around 45 degrees.

And why isn't CPS involved?

Amy Winehouse and Stinkfoot Suri--What Do They Have in Common?

Amy at her best
Stinkfoot Suri

It just struck me as hilarious that Stinkfoot Suri has more bruises and dirtier ballet slippers than Amy Winehouse.

Stinkfoot Suri Eats Her Own Shoe.

Stinkfoot, please.

Here's what I'm experiencing by just quickly glancing at Stinkfoot with her own flip flop in her mouth: An angry and overactive gag-reflex and a case of the warm-drools. I'm not as concerned about the street filth that may be crawling on the bottom of that pink thong (which Stinkfoot has clearly licked clean), as I am about the self-inflicted hazardous material on the inside of the sandal. We all know her foot-stench is comparable to freshly grated parmesan cheese.

You can dress her up, but she still stinks. Of cheese. And Scientology.

Stinkfoot Suri is in CHARGE, and Romeo Beckham is...

"Take my hand and follow ME, Mommy!"

Oh boy. Stinkfoot has her little Scientolo-brow raised. She's in control of this sitch and she means it. (Of course I must mention she's wearing leggings not tights with those sparkly red shoes = sour-time when they come off.)

Poor little Romeo Beckham looks horrified. "Mum? Why must I play with a toddler? A girl toddler?" I worry a bit for Romeo. What with his uber-metro daddy and crazy-fierce mummy, he really doesn't stand a chance, if you catch my drift. He's not all athletic and butch like his brothers Cruz and Brooklyn. NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH IT...I'm just sayin'.

Katie? Hurry up. My newspaper shoulda been on my stoop two hours ago.

Stinkfoot is Taking Ballet Lessons...P.U.

Kate, Giant Stinkfoot and Blankie

Oh Stinkfoot. It's been awhile. Ya'll just know she's the only child in ballet class WITHOUT TIGHTS. Insanity, I tell ya.

I wonder if the rumors are true that pale and sickly-looking Kate is prego?

Cinderella and Stinkfoot Suri!

GAAAAH! The Stinkfeet are loose!
The lines for the Cruise-y Exhibit
are ENDLESS.

Tom Cruise, Official Human Zoo Paparazzi

Hey! It looks like Disney World has turned into a "human zoo" of sorts. The Cruise-y family was on display (E-ticket, please) for the commoners to view behind iron gates.

"The toddler, who has become something of a fashionista despite her tender years, looked adorable in a blue ball gown and bare feet (STINKFOOT-HAZMAT ALERT!) and was all smiles during the trip which was a Valentines day surprise for her and her mother from film star Tom.

Who KNEW there were signs for this??

Katie opted for a more casual look for the occasion and was sporting a striped top and jeans."

Could Tom be any more of a dork? He should have closed down the theme-park like any other decent celebrity would do. This little narcissist-in-training that he's raising is gonna be a mess when she realizes she's just a photo-op for a sham of a marriage.

Did I say that out loud? Oh.

Suri Learns How to Take Care of a "Baby" Just Like Mommy

A "Stinkpaw" in the making, as
Suri takes Bunny for a stroll.

Suri-Stinkfoot takes her "baby" for a stroll in NYC without the comfort and warmth of a coat and socks--just like Mommy does with her baby 99.9% of the time.

Remember when Katie used to look amazing in every photo ever taken? What the hell has happend over the past few weeks? Yeah. I wonder. Pssh.

GAAAHH! Stinkfoot on the Loose!

Do not TOUCH the Stinkfoot!

You just KNOW it's one of "those smells" that you can's wash off. A good soak in boiling bleach may work, though.

Here's Stinkfoot with her mom and dad again in NYC as they parade her around the Theatre District.

As a sidebar here, I've been researching Scientology. The good, the horrific--all of it. Let me just say this: If Suri's as strong-headed as she appears, I am praying to Xenu that in 15 years, she'll spill it ALL. (Picture me rubbing my hands together.) Oh, and I'm not done with this subject. I'm sure you all know what sparked my fascination. I'm just giving it a little while before I really go for the jugular. Know'msayin'?

Have Yourself a Stinkfoot Little Christmas...

That KID isn't wearing sock again!

Does anyone ELSE see that snow?

Jesus, Mary and Joseph. Stinkfoot! Cold-ass, sweaty STINKFOOT. No coat, her GD feet never touch the ground and how much do 2 1/2 year olds weigh these days? (Not counting the Maury Povich Show favorite, My 2-Year Old Weighs 200 Pounds toddlers.) Honest to Pete. I know that when I'm doing the rock-rock dance with 5 month old Felix, all wrapped up in his Little Giraffe Satin Trim Chenille blanket (pale baby blue and latte` brown, not pink!), he seems to double in size and weight. I can barely hold on to him, that blanky adds so much bulk.

But back to the sockless wonder. What the hell??? It's 27 degrees in NYC. Doncha love how I always know the temperature in Manhattan?

Oh boy. This is good.

Cranky Stinkfoot Suri
Cranky Dayna

This was just too good to pass up. Originally, I was gonna use the photo of Suri next to a darling Shiloh Jolie-Pitt picture, but when I found THIS?? Well. I had to post Suri in black polka dots looking bossy and crabby with Dayna (my daughter-in-law and Felix's mom), in black polka dots looking um, stern. In all fairness, I'm not the first one to compare Dayna to Suri. I'm also not the one who made up the phrase, "cold, ass sweaty stink" with regard to someone's feet...and it wasn't Suri's. Let's just leave it at that.

And no. I'm not afraid of "ramifications". They don't read "Mama's stupid blog".

Your Daily Stinkfoot Suri!

Stinkfoots back!! YAY!

Oh happy day. Suri's not wearing socks today. It's approximately 25 degrees in New York City in case you're wondering. Somebody. I don't care who. Call Child Protective Services.

Stinkfoot Suri is Taunting Me!!!

Flaunting her Stinkfootedness

I know I said I was gonna leave her alone, but "she's smilin' at me mean"*!! How am I supposed to resist such blatant stinkfoot behavior, I ask ya?

I'll have the corn chips and a glass of vinegar, please.

*Alex used to torture Hunter by "smilin' at him mean" when Hunter was reprimanded as a small child. (They are 24 and 19 respectively. Nothing has changed.)

Crap! She's ruining all my fun!

"Yeah, YOU! Ya happy now??"

Leggings. Socks. Umbrella. CRAP. My day is ruined.

Thanks a lot, Annette.

Happy Scientoloweeeeeen!

For the love of L. Ron

Oh Happy Day. I can't go ONE WEEK without beating my favorite dead horse. Katie and Stinkfoot were seen in identical dork-orange dresses in Central Park today.

As a sidebar, why do I let myself get to the point of starvation then SLAM my meal--eat waaay too much, then bitch about how full I am?? I'm so effing full, I'm sweaty.

Okay, back to the stinkiness. Do I need to tell you all "that KID isn't wearing SOCKS again??" For pity sake. Katie's all bundled and Stinkfoot has her blanky and stuffy--but no coat, no socks and LOOK AT THE SIZE OF HER! Oh, and Cyndy? Take a good look at her shoes--they're scuffed and worn, so I KNOW they stink.

I will never grow weary of this...never.

That KID isnt wearing socks again!

Stinky-Feet Suri

At the risk of sounding like "Brody" in Kevin Smith's classic Mall Rats, that kid is stinking up NYC again with her sweaty feet. Not to mention Katie is bundled up for the crisp fall day and Suri's running around with bare legs, bare arms and no socks, AGAIN. I'm going to beat this dead horse every chance I get.