Stinkfoot Suri is a little hot mess. You KNOW Tom dressed her....

Poor Stinkfoot.

We can all tell by the smug look on Tom Cruise-y's face that he dressed Suri from his goody closet. And Katie's pissed. Stinkfoot Suri even fits into Tommy Girl's shoes now...but he should've consulted with Tim Gunn or Christian Siriano about this get-up. Polka-dotted shoes and Tom's Oscar gown? It's a bit of a hot mess, and over-accessorized. The earrings need to go back in the closet. 

Make your own jokes.

 

Yet another scary picture of Miss Tom Cruise and Stinkfoot

Tom Cruise scares the living daylights out of me.

Here's our favorite Scientolo-nut with his daughter, Suri (I'm assuming she's not wearing tights or socks with her heels, but I don't have photographic proof), having a treat at Modern Pastry in NYC...a-bloody-gain.  I think they feed this child pastries for all three meals.

Does it appear Cruise-y had more plastic surgery, or is it just me?

Suri!! Stinkfoot in the rain...Check. Out. The. Shoes.

 Whooopsie!

I see Suri's mama is wearin' BOOTS.

 

My darling Annette sent me this bit of ridiculousness and has officially dubbed Stinkfoot a "Fashion Icon" because she puts style over comfort, like all women eventually do. OhdearLord. She's three years old and has a $3 million wardrobe. I, on the other hand, have officially dubbed Stinkfoot a spoiled brat whose Daddy likes to dress up dollies.

Patrick, who is sitting next to me loves Katie and Tom and Suri, and is forever telling me to, "LEAVE THAT BABY ALONE". No. I won't.  

It's called tights, a hat and rubber boots for all of you haven't heard how to take proper care of a three year old little girl.

THANKS, ANNETTE!!

Stinkfoot Suri - "What's Wrong With This Picture?" Edition

Whatever Stinkfoot wants...

Take a good look at this photo...I'll wait.

Okay. Here we have yet another chilly fall season upon us, and the parents of Stinkfoot Suri Cruise refuse to put socks or tights or a GD coat on that child. Now listen. I understand that she probably screams louder than a pissed off cockatoo when ASKED (not told) to put on a sweater.

Check out all of the full-grown dudes in coats and sweaters--and her mom, DeadEye Katie is in jeans, boots, long sleeves, a scarf and a nice hot cup of barley coffee. But there's Stinkfoot in a flimsy little summer dress and her little designer pumps with bare legs in BOSTON, where it was around 45 degrees on Sunday.

Oh, but I forgot. Suri is millions of Xenu years old and actually has a say in her upbringing. I'm going to say it now: Suri Cruise is becoming a little monster right before our eyes. 

Stinkfoot Suri Cruise is getting on my last nerve.

Really? Stinkfoot drinks Pelligrino??

 

Get.That.Germ-ridden.Child.OFF.THE.GD.COUNTER!

Ya know what? There are a MILLION other things I should be writing about at this hour. But, no. I have to get a glimpse of this spoiled rotten child who is seriously setting my hair on fire.

I let it GO this week when I heard Suri Cruise has a wardrobe worth THREE MILLION DOLLARS. Oh, you heard me. If a designer doesn't happen to even have a children's collection, Tom and DeadEye Katie will MAKE them have a children's collection. Oh, yes they will. So this 3-year old brat in the making (oh YOU want to say the SAME THING, don't lie), is wearing Burberry, Prada, Chanel, and tiny Christian Louboutin shoes.

Why do I feel like Tom loves these little dresses every bit as much as Katie loves spending the money for said dresses? We know why.

All I know is, Stinkfoot is now drinking Pellegrino water WHILE STILL BEING EFFING CARRIED BY HER PARENTS. 

Goddamnit. I'm so mad right now, you don't even KNOW. 

 

Breaking News: Stinkfoot Suri walks; Daddy Tom Cruise's pants are too tight!

Stinkfoot clearly borrowed Dad's

Cherry Chapstick 

 

Ummmm...gawd, Tom

What the goddamnhell is Tom Cruise wearing? I'd say a padded bra, first of all. Let's discuss the skinny jeans he clearly bought Forever Hoochie 21 in the Petite's Department.  I didn't know that Nike made old-school hightops with lifts, did you?

And it seems Stinkfoot is now able to walk on her own...and she's running for it. 

RUN SURI, RUN!!  

Katie, just come live with me, mmkay?

I'm worried about Katie.

Sad, sad, SAD.

Good Lord. This is the saddest face I've ever seen. This is not the face of a gal just tryna get away from the paps--it's a face of a gal tryna get away from her goddamned LIFE. Oh, sure. She's hanging onto Stinkfoot for dear life, but that's all that's keeping her alive. ScientoloTom is completely sucking dry Katie's will to live.I can totally picture him pacing, while loudly lecturing her, can't you? How LONG are her parents going to put up with this shit? What kind of stranglehold does that nut hold over, well, EVERYONE involved her Katie's life? I wouldn't trade lives with Katie for anything. Dude, she's not even getting her eyebrows waxed. That's some serious depression.

Here's poor Dead-Eye Katie taking Stinkfoot (how 'bout some sandals, at least??) at the American Girl store yesterday. I think this outing was another cry for help, but I seem to be the only one listening. **KATIE! You know how to contact me! Our guest room is available!**

Oh, Katie Holmes. (And Stinkfoot...)

WHO is this again??

Why is a 12-year old scruffy boy
carrying Stinkfoot around?

Because that's how CrazyAssTomCruise likes his "women", know'msayin'? There are so many things wrong with the second picture, I just don't even know where on earth to begin.

1.) The knee-length, baggy jeans shorts.

2.) The scraggly-ness of BOTH of these females. What the GDH?? I remember when I was in high school and my hair was growing out from a gawd-awful perm and THIS is what it looked like. I was embarrassed to show my head in public--and I was 16. I went to high school in Southern California; a gorgeous school a couple of blocks from the beach. I mention this to indicate just how MUCH I didn't fit in with all of the perfectly tanned, beautiful, blonde and athletic chicks. I was scrawny, brunette and never, EVER had a date.

My POINT is: Katie Holmes is turning into that very kind of dork...but I think she's being forced into it by that freak she's married to--just look at that tremendous photo of her pre-Cruisey-Scientology. NOT. THE. SAME. PERSON.

3.) STINKFOOT IS BAREFOOT. The toes might be a little bit aired out, but you just know they are still rancid.

I'd love to hear what you guys think. My hair is on fire over the demise of Katie's spirit, and perhaps her will to live.

Someone. Anyone. Help Katie.

Brit and Kevin Return to the Trailer Park, Ya'll!!

I expect the crew from Cops to arrive at any minute to the "Circus Tour", although I'd love the gang from Reno 911 to bust in on Britney and Kevin's sexy-times. Just like Bobby and Whitney, "they fight hard and they love hard". Ewww. It'll be any second before someone, I don't know who, calls the cops. Daddy Jamie, maybe?

The Star is reporting:

One source said , "It's like they're newlyweds all over again. Brit and Kevin can't keep their hands off each other! The flings have made them both a lot happier."

I feel a puke coming on...

And, WHO walks around barefoot with a bag o' Cheetos in public these days?? Oh yeah. Britney Spears.

Trainwreck ahead, ya'll.

Stinkfoot Suri Eats Her Own Shoe.

Stinkfoot, please.

Here's what I'm experiencing by just quickly glancing at Stinkfoot with her own flip flop in her mouth: An angry and overactive gag-reflex and a case of the warm-drools. I'm not as concerned about the street filth that may be crawling on the bottom of that pink thong (which Stinkfoot has clearly licked clean), as I am about the self-inflicted hazardous material on the inside of the sandal. We all know her foot-stench is comparable to freshly grated parmesan cheese.

You can dress her up, but she still stinks. Of cheese. And Scientology.

Suri is SO Over It.

"I'm DONE with all of this crap."

Since The Church of Scientology (aka CO$) claims that children are just little grown-ups (I know, I don't get it either...something about being alive for zillions of years and coming back as another grinning idiot), I think Suri is just about to spill the beans about how annoying these two are. And I can't WAIT.

I see Suri is wearing tights and her bangs are growing out. What's that all about?

Suri Learns How to Take Care of a "Baby" Just Like Mommy

A "Stinkpaw" in the making, as
Suri takes Bunny for a stroll.

Suri-Stinkfoot takes her "baby" for a stroll in NYC without the comfort and warmth of a coat and socks--just like Mommy does with her baby 99.9% of the time.

Remember when Katie used to look amazing in every photo ever taken? What the hell has happend over the past few weeks? Yeah. I wonder. Pssh.

Have Yourself a Stinkfoot Little Christmas...

That KID isn't wearing sock again!

Does anyone ELSE see that snow?

Jesus, Mary and Joseph. Stinkfoot! Cold-ass, sweaty STINKFOOT. No coat, her GD feet never touch the ground and how much do 2 1/2 year olds weigh these days? (Not counting the Maury Povich Show favorite, My 2-Year Old Weighs 200 Pounds toddlers.) Honest to Pete. I know that when I'm doing the rock-rock dance with 5 month old Felix, all wrapped up in his Little Giraffe Satin Trim Chenille blanket (pale baby blue and latte` brown, not pink!), he seems to double in size and weight. I can barely hold on to him, that blanky adds so much bulk.

But back to the sockless wonder. What the hell??? It's 27 degrees in NYC. Doncha love how I always know the temperature in Manhattan?

Suri uses a sippy cup now...

Tom. It's COLD outside. Children need coats!

...for her Scientology-infused sweetened barley juice swill! Yumyum! But her dad still carries her around like a newborn right out of the hospital.

Also, WHY is Tom Cruise one of Barbara Walters' 10 Most Fascinating People? I'm really only fascinated by the barley juice and the stinkfoot situation. I pray he talks about THAT. Oh, and why he doesn't use a German accent in his Nazi movie, Valkarie. Does anyone else think it's weird that he's the only one without an accent? What the hell? Meryl Streep never would've taken that route, I betcha dollars to doughnuts on that one.

Oh boy. This is good.

Cranky Stinkfoot Suri
Cranky Dayna

This was just too good to pass up. Originally, I was gonna use the photo of Suri next to a darling Shiloh Jolie-Pitt picture, but when I found THIS?? Well. I had to post Suri in black polka dots looking bossy and crabby with Dayna (my daughter-in-law and Felix's mom), in black polka dots looking um, stern. In all fairness, I'm not the first one to compare Dayna to Suri. I'm also not the one who made up the phrase, "cold, ass sweaty stink" with regard to someone's feet...and it wasn't Suri's. Let's just leave it at that.

And no. I'm not afraid of "ramifications". They don't read "Mama's stupid blog".

Your Daily Stinkfoot Suri!

Stinkfoots back!! YAY!

Oh happy day. Suri's not wearing socks today. It's approximately 25 degrees in New York City in case you're wondering. Somebody. I don't care who. Call Child Protective Services.

Katie and Suri. Sigh.

Katie Holmes and her giant toddler in NYC today.

I have so many thoughts racing through my head, I just don't know where to begin. Katie's questionable outift? The fact that Stinkfoot Suri is wearing jeans and socks and an $800 Burberry coat? Hey! Where's her Little Giraffe blanky? (Okay, so I just bought one for Felix, SO WHAT??)

Katie? Just put on a little lipstick, dear.

HAHAHHAAAAA!

Go ahead--do a Google Search on these two words: STINKFOOT SURI.

It's Official.