Jon Gosselin empties joint bank account...oh, no he DITN'T!!

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HELL to the no! That little bitch Jon Gosselin asswiped out over $230,000 from the joint bank account he has with Kate over the weekend. Now, in all fairness, he did leave Kate and his EIGHT MOUTHS TO FEED $1000. 

What's Kate bitching about? Oh, she'll fill you in. Watch the video. Oh, gurrrl.

The Jackson Family is Not Pleased with TV Coverage from Choppers During Funeral

 Janet, Randy and Jermaine Jackson

at Michael's funeral last night.

Yeah, I'm shocked, too, that the Jackson's didn't appreciate CNN and other news organizations having the nerve to fly over Michael's funeral at Forest Lawn last night. HA! You know why, don't you? Because they plan on selling a dvd and/or show excerpts on their upcoming TV show, forpitysake. It has NOTHING to do with privacy. (I'm excluding Janet from this entire rant, by the way.) 

If Joe and Jermaine had their way, Michael would've been buried at that garish Grace Neverland and everyone knows it--even though Michael never wanted to go back to that place. Thank goodness Mother Katherine and the Jackson women stood up to them.


Seriously, if that family wanted "privacy", they would have buried him right after the coronor returned Michael's brain to his head. They never would have told media outlets when the funeral would be held. 

How stupid do the Jackson men think we are? Because I know exactly how stupid they are. Hmmph.

Here we go again with PETA hurting our feelings, ya'll.

The latest smear by PETA.

In their attempt to make a point of some sort, PETA has once again caused a stir with a controversial billboard. Oh, I totally get what they are saying, it's just the how that is, as usual, offensive.

I've mentioned that Stephen and I are, for the most part, vegetarians. We do eat fish. So, whatever that's called, that's what we are. I have indeed lost a few pounds. Rest assured though, we did NOT do it for ETHICAL reasons. In fact, we both enjoyed a big ol' sausage at the Seattle Mariner game a couple of weeks ago. So there.

So here comes PETA, telling WOMEN how fat we, and that becoming a vegetarian will make us thin and gorgeous.

In a press release, PETA stated:

A new PETA billboard campaign that was just launched in Jacksonville reminds people who are struggling to lose weight -- and who want to have enough energy to chase a beach ball -- that going vegetarian can be an effective way to shed those extra pounds that keep them from looking good in a bikini. [....]

Anyone wishing to achieve a hot "beach bod" is reminded that studies show that vegetarians are, on average, about 10 to 20 pounds lighter than meat-eaters. [...]

"Trying to hide your thunder thighs and balloon belly is no day at the beach," says PETA Executive Vice President Tracy Reiman. "PETA has a free 'Vegetarian Starter Kit' for people who want to lose pounds while eating as much as they like.

Where is the photo of the BIG FAT MAN who needs to become a vegetarian?

Right here.

But in all seriousness (me? Serious?), how do we feel about this? Are we being overly sensitive?

Wanna hear something gross?

You'll never guess what that mess is!

Here's the headline, for your reading pleasure:

Truck scatters animal parts on I-5 near Tacoma

Have you all heard just how bloody HOT it is up here in Seattle? We're talking RECORD HEAT--mid-to-upper 90's. I screamed and covered my mouth when I saw this on the local news last night--and being the nice gal that I am, I thought I'd share it with ya'll!

Washington State Patrol troopers say a rendering truck that lost its load scattered dead animal parts across the northbound lanes of Interstate 5 in Tacoma.

Troopers say the Monday night spill triggered a 3-mile backup in the northbound lanes, with southbound traffic moving slowly near the scene for some time after the crash.

In all, the lanes of northbound I-5 near the Tacoma Dome were closed for over four hours Monday night with traffic only getting through on the shoulder.

The DOT's Karri Workman says the smell was "horrendous", and cleaning up the slimey mess was a long, difficult process, "A front end loader actually scoops up the debris from the highway, puts that into the empty dump- truck, and when mot'sst of that debris is gone, (Monday night's) job was made more complicated by the heat and the nature of the debris on the highway."

Workman says ultimately, sand had to be spread across the road, so all the stuff could be removed.

Hey! What's for lunch today?

Running Behind Today...But WTF Perez Hilton??

For pity sake. I'm running behind on the blogging today, which I realize is SUPER unprofessional, especially on a Monday morning. As I've mentioned before, I don't have staff or substitute bloggers the way so many others have when "real life" pops up.

My 9 year old whippet Angelina, had a toe amputated late yesterday. We're unclear about how she hurt the toe, but the fact is, it couldn't be saved. James, our boxer flipped the eff OUT about Angelina's "lampshade" thingy that she has to wear so she doesn't chew her bandages off. He was barking--no, YELLING into the lampshade like it was a megaphone and it was sooo not cool. I kept getting the side-eye from Angelina as if to say, "get this loud dork away from my ass!", so I ran James off to daycare.

Sissy Fight!!

I understand Perez Hilton got punched in the face for his nasty remarks about Fergie and Will.I.Am last night after the Much Music Video Awards in Toronto. According to TMZ.com

"...[video] footage begins in the middle of the verbal altercation outside an after-party for a music award show in Toronto -- moments after Hilton claims Will went after him like a "heat-seeking missile" and unleashed a verbal tirade at him.

With a crowd surrounding Perez, Will and Will's manager, Polo -- the guys argue back and forth for about a minute, until Perez tells Will, "you're not a f**king artist ... you're a f**king f*ggot."

The scene suddenly turns chaotic -- and in the mess someone punches Perez in the face."

It's a slippery slope when it comes to determining who's right and who's wrong in a situation like this. Having said that, Perez sounds like a whiney-ass 8th grade girl. It's hilarious, but disturbing at the same time. He certainly has some hateful--and I mean HATEFUL--things to say on his little homemade video all the while defending himself. I'm not going to post his ridiculous 12 minute rant, ya'll can go find it if you want, because as he says over and over, he "doesn't need the press". Oh really? Is that why you TWITTERED (Tweeted?) for help after getting smacked, rather than calling the cops? That's just crazy, self-absorbtion.

I admit that I make fun of celebrities a LOT--isn't that what celebrity bloggers DO? I do think there's a fine line, though. Now, I'm not a fan of the tween-Disney stars, and I rarely discuss them here, but I don't enjoy the way Perez calls Miley Cyrus a "slut" on one hand then completely sucks up to her later, only to be a total bitch to her again. I despise the nasty drawings he makes on the celebrity photos. (He does this, too, so other bloggers won't steal "his" photos from the website, no doubt, but they are still gross.)

I've heard all kinds of rumors that celebrities actually pay Mario (Perez's real name) to either say nice things about them or to not say bitchy things about them. I have no idea if that's true. I am surprised by the fact that Perez thinks he's really all that powerful, and secondly that the celebrities think he's powerful. Most celebrity bloggers write bitchy posts, but don't go for the jugular the way he does. My favorite blogs are the ones that are especially funny, like "D-Listed" with Michael K. He says some hilarious shit, that no one should take seriously. My suggestion? Don't read PerezHilton.com .

ANYgay.

Bacon Infused Vodka...ummmmm?

Really?

Mmmmm...Brunch.

Black Rock Spirits, a Seattle-based distiller, is releasing bacon-flavored vodka, artfully named "Bakon." The only place it's sold in town is Belltown Bistro (thus far).

Wait a second...maybe this is my chance to "eat" bacon again. I wonder how this would taste in one of Stephen's world-renowned Bloody Marys? (Seriously. He needs to patent his recipe. His gorgeous concoctions are a MEAL...and this would be the infused side dish!)

Hmmmm.

You've GOT to be kidding me. Sean Penn and Robin Wright call off divorce a-bloody-GAIN??

Uhhhh...good luhhhhck with that.

Oh, to be a fly on THAT wall. "Listen Robin. I'll try to keep my screwing around with starlets out of the media. That's ALL I can promise. What do you MEAN what's that on my nose??"

Yeeesh. My sympathies are wearing a bit thin where Robin is concerned. Is Sean really worth the trouble? According to People Magazine these two have called of their divorce proceedings for the THIRD (millionth) time.

"The Oscar-winning actor filed a request Tuesday to dismiss his legal separation case, Marin County, Calif., court records show. "This appears to imply that they're reconciling again," says L.A. divorce lawyer Lynn Soodik, who is not involved with the case.

"It's unlikely Sean Penn would request a dismissal for any other reason." This is the second time the actor has rescinded divorce papers. Penn, 48, and Wright Penn, 43, started divorce proceedings in December 2007 after 11 years of marriage. But they put the brakes on their divorce action four months later, in April 2008, when a court clerk dismissed the divorce petition at their request. "

Why do I feel as though I'll be reporting that these two are breaking up for the four millionth time due to coke and screwing around again? Oh, Robin. How's Rihanna supposed to learn??

Today's Blind Item. SHOCKING.

CDaN is reporting:

Part I.

"This B list television actress on a very hit network drama is in Cannes. Hey, at least I narrowed it down for you. I mean how many could there be? Well, it seems our actress got VERY lucky. How lucky? Well our actress was apparently spotted receiving a large quantity of white powder from a male acquaintance. The person who spotted this reported it to the police, who decided to raid our actresses' hotel room. All this for coke? Anyway, after a 30 minute search with a drug sniffing dog, nothing was found. Yeah, well they should have come the night before. Unfortunately our actress is like a Hoover vacuum cleaner and had finished what she had been provided. When she finally gets busted her world is going to come crashing down."

Part II.

"I hope you read the post from yesterday because today involves the very same actress. Our actress is involved with a much older man who likes to have a variety from which to choose each night. At the present time he has two women he pays for and our actress. The two women are both considerably older than our actress and are much more experienced. One of the two women who is bought enjoys pain but our actress does not get involved in anything but watching it be administered. In addition to taking care of her benefactor, our actress is also expected to spend some, umm alone time with the other bought woman. It is amazing what a drug habit will do to once very strong morals. I smell rehab very, very soon."

Oh. You. Guys. These two Blind Items are THE SAME CHICK. For photos, please visit http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/35347456.html#cutid1

Yikes. She's not even 21 years old. She likes her dudes OLD, and her girls, umm...paid for.

Wow. "Save the cheerleader", anyone?

.

Pornstar Mary Carey Mocks Dreamboat Dr. Drew - NAST

Silver fox, Dr. Drew
Pornstar, Mary Carey.
I still say she and Miley Cyrus share a head.

I suppose this was bound to happen, but it's still NAST. Ya'll know how much I love me some Dr. Drew (from Celebrity Rehab and Sober House, both on VH1 and Loveline). I wouldn't have a clue as to who this pornstar even is, had I not watched these shows. All I know is that she's biting the hand that reached out to help her...and that hand belongs to my Dreamboat Dr. Drew.

TMZ is reporting:

The porno is aptly titled "Celebrity Pornhab with Dr. Screw," and in our behind-the-scenes footage, you'll see there's not much difference between the satirical XXX flick and the actual TV show -- except for the gratuitous sex, of course.By the way, this is Carey's comeback to adult films. Dr. Drew frequently urged her to retire from skin flicks as part of her rehab. Guess she's skipping that step.

UPDATE: The real Dr. Drew just twittered about "Pornhab," saying, "For those of you wondering about my feelings about Mary Ellen Cook's [Mary Carey's] choice to mock : Res ipsa loquitur. Makes me very sad."

What a nasty ho.

Oh, Yeah. Dina Lohan Really IS Mother of the Year.

No, really. She IS Mother of the Year.
The chick on the right is NOT Dina's sister.
It's Ali, her 15 year old truant daughter.

"...Dina Lohan insists she's a great mom. She particularly takes umbrage with claims that Ali is out socializing with Lindsay instead of going to school, according to People:

"Ali is in a home-schooling program. She has never been pulled out of school," Dina tells PEOPLE exclusively. "It's the same home-schooling program that Lindsay was in since the tenth grade. It's a wonderful program that many celebrities are enrolled in."Defending her parenting skills, she says, "I am a single mom of four children, and I devote my life to my children."

Let me interpret that statement for you: Dina Lohan devotes her life to her children who can get her into parties, make money for her and now, dress up in her image for Spanish Vogue. Ali isn't in school. It's well-documented that Dina pulled her out of that "exclusive celebrity" school on Long Island due to "bullying". And the day Dina is qualified--or even at HOME--to homeschool that 35, I mean 15 year old duaghter of hers, will BE the day. Oh, and Dina does have a younger son, who lives on Long Island with his grandmother and attends PUBLIC school.

Twin Horsies for Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick Instead of a Divorce

NAAAAYYYYYY!

Yes, indeed. I'm gonna beat this horse again. SJP and Matthew are gonna need a bigger STABLE! They are adding to their HERD! I've got a million of 'em, folks...


LOS ANGELES -

"Sarah Jessica Parker and husband Matthew Broderick are expecting twin girls born to a surrogate, People magazine reported on Tuesday.

Sex and the City star Parker, 44, and actor husband Broderick, 47, already have a six-year-old son together, James Wilkie.

People quoted a representative as saying the couple were "happily anticipating the birth of their twin daughters later this summer with the generous help of a surrogate. The entire family is overjoyed."

Broderick and Parker married in 1997. "





I love that they anounced this just before the Kentucky Derby next weekend. It's always about pimping your new project, isn't it, SJP??

Brit and Kevin Return to the Trailer Park, Ya'll!!

I expect the crew from Cops to arrive at any minute to the "Circus Tour", although I'd love the gang from Reno 911 to bust in on Britney and Kevin's sexy-times. Just like Bobby and Whitney, "they fight hard and they love hard". Ewww. It'll be any second before someone, I don't know who, calls the cops. Daddy Jamie, maybe?

The Star is reporting:

One source said , "It's like they're newlyweds all over again. Brit and Kevin can't keep their hands off each other! The flings have made them both a lot happier."

I feel a puke coming on...

And, WHO walks around barefoot with a bag o' Cheetos in public these days?? Oh yeah. Britney Spears.

Trainwreck ahead, ya'll.

Alexis Grace - Booted From "American Idol"...

Alexis Grace singing for dear life last night.

...in a rather cruel fashion last night, don't you think? Granted, no one--and I do mean no one enjoyed Alexis's cover of "Jolene" written by Dolly Parton during Grand Ole Opry Week. The judges said she didn't have enough "passion" when singing the twangy classic, and thus, she was voted into the Bottom Three (which I think is Seacrest's codename when he frequents the "White Swallow" club...). The a-hole judges insinuated during the final elimination portion that they were indeed considering using their great and powerful veto magic wand to save a contestant if they were booted. Once it was revealed that Alexis (and not that boring dork whose name I cannot even remember, let along what song he sang...honk shooooo), she sang with deliberate cracks in her voice and artificial tears that would never come, in hopes of saving her little life on "Idol". The judges had their side-bar...then BOOM. "Sorry, good--but not good enough."

There was no need to be that cruel to that little chick. Oh wait. RATINGS.

Oh Britney. Your, um..yeah. It's hangin' out, ya'll.

I knew ya'll would be lookin' fer this, so here it is...and it's called a "Reader's Choice"...

____ You're welcome!

____ I'm sorry.

Check one.

Nevermind. Usher is a Douche-tard After All.

"Just kidding!!!"

The volcano, aka my HEAD continues to erupt and spew all over the place. It seems Usher turned into a wuss overnight and is taking back the statement he made about Chris Brown being an abusive a-hole. Apparently, according to Usher, Brown isn't an abusive a-hole and he wishes them "the best". EFF.

"The comments made during a recent recording session amongst friends were taken out of context and blown out of proportion. I apologize on behalf of myself and my friends if anyone was offended. The intentions were not to pass judgment and we meant no harm. I respect and wish the best for all parties involved."

Pussy.

Chris Brown and Rihanna Have Checked Into the Beverly Wilshire Hotel...IF You Care.

"Let's get ready for arraignment, baby."

OK Magazine is reporting that Chris and Tina Turner--I mean, Rihanna checked into the hotel where Pretty Woman was filmed. 'Member that?

"The story of Chris Brown and Rihanna's tainted love continues. Now that the on-again has couple returned to L.A. together, OK! has learned exclusively that the pair — rather than go to either of their L.A.-area homes — immediately checked into the posh surroundings of the Beverly Wilshire Beverly Hills hotel.

The pair had been staying together at Sean Diddy Combs' Star Island Mansion in Miami after spending weeks apart following an incident on Feb. 8 where Chris allegedly beat Rihanna. The two immediately went their separate ways — he went home while she recuperated in Barbados and Mexico.

Photos showing both Chris and Rihanna, their faces covered, leaked onto the internet on Monday, as the pair boarded a flight from Miami to L.A.. Reports claim the two are trying to make their relationship work despite protests from family members."





Oh. Good times. I hope Jason Alexander doesn't show up and slap Rihanna around like he did Julia Roberts. That job's been taken.

A Serial Killer and a Hooker Wear the Same Shoes...

Call the poliiiiiiiice!
Daytime hookin'

Okay, maybe not, but Debra Messing is wearing the latest in the Serial Killer Collection with her leather apron dress and StupidKanyeWest's new, um, girlfriend (?) certainly does look like a tranny hooker.

What I love though, is that they are wearing the same shoes. Awesome, "ladies".

Michelle Obama Doesn't Really Care for Oprah.

Hmmm. Not so much.

Oh Oprah. This is what happens when you parade around like you single-handedly got Barack Obama elected into the White House.

There are rumors speculating that First Lady MICHELLE OBAMA has had enough of talk show titan OPRAH WINFREY!

“Oprah marched into the White House with Gayle King in tow like she owned it,” an insider said when the chatty twosome arrived for an interview with Michelle.

“(Oprah) believes she played a major role in getting President Obama elected and expects to be treated like royalty when she calls on them.

“But Michelle had other ideas. She appreciates that Oprah endorsed her husband, but considers her role minor in getting him elected.”

This is some funny shit...

"Oprah's (cough, cough, wink, wink) BFF Gayle King interviewed Mrs. President for O recently at the White House. The First Lady was peeved when Oprah swept in like visiting royalty - ahead of Gayle - and presented her large, fleshy cheek for a greeting kiss. Michelle wasn't having any of that, and stepped back and stuck out her hand for a handshake, as proper protocol would dictate. "

Oprah? Simmer down and quit insinuating that you and Barack had a litlle sump-in sump-in goin' on during the campaign. Yeeesh.

"The First Lady has been irked by Oprah's self-grandeur since the days of the campaign trail. She's not fooled by Oprah's phony chumminess, either. She saw the way Oprah tried to flirt with her husband in front of the cameras. Throughout the interview Michelle made it a point to speak directly with Gayle and ignore her Royal Winfreyness, making her blood boil."

Ohman. How embarrassing.