Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I'm turning into The Mother-In-Law...

Dayna's New Toy
I felt it creeping up on me just before Felix was born. Suddenly, I didn't feel like the cool, funny friend to Dayna (my daughter-in-law who is married to Alex and is Felix's mum) that I once was. We would take shopping trips this past summer to look at baby stuff, have lunch and spend most of the day being silent. It never used to be this way. Dayna and I had such an easy and relaxed manner with one another. In reality, I think I came back in February from The Eating Disorder Clinic in San Diego (yes, all capitalized due to the importance of it all), a changed woman. In fact, I think I left here being a girl (at MY age!) but I came back a woman. I felt like I wasn't much fun anymore. I felt OLD.

Last night it dawned on me what a "Mother-in-Law" I have become. I heard myself saying things to Dayna like, "well, of COURSE Felix's belly hurts. He's not consistently given one kind of formula. I always fed my babies the same kind so as not to upset their little systems". Oh God. And (in a baby voice, right in front of Dayna's back) "you don't get enough baths, you? Do you?" So he was a little sour-smelling...BIG DEAL. (A friend of mine calls that scent, "Stinky Delicious!) WHAT am I thinking? I'm turning into my ex-mother-in-law who damn near drove me to drink. I STILL get outraged when I think of the things she said and put me through...and here I am, doing the same horrible things to MY precious daughter-in-law.

What is going on here? Do I wish I could have my babies again and maybe do things differently? Am I envious of Dayna's place in the family now? Do I look at her gorgeous, tiny size 2 body right after Felix was born and feel a bit of resentment because I have stretchmarks and loose skin and she doesn't? Was I used to being "the only girl" in a house full of boys? My answer is: Sometimes.

Alex wasn't the only one who fell in love with Dayna five years ago. We ALL did. She's smart, hilarious, beautiful and very hardworking. Because of her I have a darling grandson.

Maybe my being overly self-aware isn't such a bad thing. Now, if only I could keep my pie-hole shut.

1 comment:

Jilly said...

Don't beat yourself up too much, sweetie. The fact that you are seeing these things makes you a more self-aware person, and you can make the changes you feel you should. Better that then the alternative...thinking you are PERFECT...not that you aren't, lol
I think you are awesome!!