Kate Gosselin is trying to be Princess Diana?

 

  

I have a theory about Kate Gosselin. After she watched Jon talk crap about her on Primetime Live and GMA yesterday, she had to come out looking like, um, well, her version of Princess Diana.

Think back, y'all. Remember when Prince Charles went on the telly to blab about being in an adulterous relationship while married to the beloved Princess of Wales? Then Princess Diana immediately showed up to the Serpentine Gallery in London in what was jokingly called the "F$#k You Dress".

Poor Kate. Does she really think--for one second--that she's in the same category as Princess Diana???

Oh, Kate. Not. Even. CLOSE.

Jada Pinkett-Smith Makes Me Wanna Wretch

OhforPITYsake.

Who is willing to hold my hair back while I puke? These two really need to knock this the eff off. Both of them better call 911, because their pants are SO on fire that I think they are to blame for the Southern California fires. Check out the crap that Jada told Self Magazine:

"When you have three kids, you've got to take your opportunities when they come. In a limo, on the way to the Academy Awards this year, Will started looking at me in this way that drives me wild. We started kissing passionately, and the next thing I knew, well, let's just say we missed the red carpet and I ended up with almost no makeup on."

That is complete and utter crap. Any woman on her way to the OSCARS, would never let anyone (especially her husband?) touch her ass--let alone her FACE prior to the biggest night in Hollywood--especially when she's lookin' for work. Oh, that and the fact they both had just groomed their BEARDS. Know'msayin'??

Happy 43rd Birthday Lindsay Lohan!!

Lindsay looks raggedy, ya'll.

Oh. She's 23?? Jesus Chri--oh. It's Sunday. I'll try to keep the swearing and taking the Lord's name in vain to a minimum, but What. The. EFF?? First of all, WHAT the goddamnedhell (I can't help it) is she wearing?? Those are some hideous hooves, ya'll. And is that a swimsuit?

As usual, Lindsay's looking fit, well-fed, healthy and clean. Right? RIGHT???

Madonna Finally Gets Mercy Off Layaway--Apparently Paid in Full!

This "painting" of Madonna should be hanging in
the Louvre any day now!

Seems Madonna put her big ticket-item, a four year old child named Mercy, on a layaway plan a few months back and has finally paid in full, so she's free to carry out her purchase in a grocery cart (read: private plane)! Times are tough all over, and apparently everyone needs the convenience of paying for more expensive purchases over time. Well, good for Madonna, and Mercy, and the country of Malawi (and certain relatives of Mercy--she's not an orphan), I suppose.

"According to Radar Online, a three-judge panel, headed by Malawi’s Chief Justice, Lovemore Munlo, said that the lower courts initial ruling was out of sync with the times. In addition to that, it is said that Madonna’s charitable history toward Malawi should have been taken into consideration.

This could not have been happier news for the pop superstar as it has been a long hard fight. But, not looking back, Madonna is said to be celebrating.

“It’s the wee hours of morning in New York but she is excited at the news,” her attorney, Alan Chinula said. “As her lawyer I am happy that this has settled this contentious issue.”

We'll being seeing Mercy, dressed completely in white, going to Kabbalah classes very soon.

Feeling Better and Looking a Little Better

Lame webcam picture,
but it shows I'm alive!

"It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood..."

I'm feeling better and I'm gonna get out of the house today. Stephen are I are gonna look for a new BED, ya'll. It's all about the Sleep Number bed. We can't agree on what kind of bed, so this seems the logical option. Stephen like a firm mattress, and I prefer a soft, cushy one that hugs me. (There's a shocker.) So that's our plan.

The photoshoot with my cute, hilarious nephew Jake went well yesterday. Here's a link if you wanna see! http://www.photoworks.com/albums/pictures.jsp;jsessionid=2D5D4455C91A9A206DDA4278ACE3667E?id=57332920&cb=PW&toh=&svr=pw-web6

I've got some funny stuff about the Miss Adam and Bitch Gayken that I'll write about later. Oh, "it's already been broughten!" GIRL FIGHT, ya'll!! LOVES it!

Leave me some love!! xoxo ~j

Megan Fox: Gorgeous. Strange Thumbs.

Ladies and gentlemen, Megan Fox. Again.
Hold the phone. That forearm tattoo
and the thumb. Let's discuss.

There are two groups of Megan Fox followers on the Internet: the ones who are so infatuated with the beauty and sexiness, and the ones who are obsessed with her awful forearm tattoo of Marilyn Monroe and her oddly shaped THUMBS. Look closely at that digit. You would not BELIEVE the people out there who cannot get past those thumbs. I have more of a problem with the tattoo--this coming from someone with FOUR tattoos. The forearm tattoo is NEVER, EVER elegant.

Still. She's really pretty, even IF she's a low-rent Angelina. BOOM. Nice back-handed compliment!

Justin and Jessica: I'm no body-language expert, but...

Ummmm....

I take that back. I am a body-language expert. I should be on TV with my intuition about this shit. Jessica thinks she's such a serious actress and oh, so hot that she can actually pull of the pinched, old biddy look. (Notice how she's using Justin instead of her walker with the tennis balls attached to the front legs. ) Justin, for his part, is trying to blend with her, but hates her for it.

Look for a break-up this summer, ya'll. Yeah, I said it.

Ashton and Demi's Oscar Party - Video

Qik - Live Video by Ashton
http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vcWlrLmNvbS92aWRlby8xMTAxNjYzL3VudGl0bGVk

Pretty lame, but I'm posting it anyway...

Madonna Welcomes Jesus Into Her **coughcough** Life.

"Look both ways, Sweetie..."

All the Bloggers are trying to out-do each other with blasphemous headlines because Madonna has been seen with her toddler friend Jesus Luz again, this time in London.

According to The Sun:

Last month rumours started flying around the States that the singer, 50, was dating the 22-year-old Brazilian after they posed together in a sizzling magazine shoot.

And this new snap will do nothing to dampen the speculation, as they reunited for a spot of lunch in New York.
Jesus is definitely Madge reverting to type.
He might not look like anything like ex-husband GUY RITCHIE, but he’s a dead ringer for CARLOS LEON, the father of her daughter LOURDES.

After the meal it was back to regular family business for Madge though, as she left Jesus behind to hit the shops with her three kids.
Lourdes already lives with her mum in the Big Apple and it’s thought that Madonna – who divorced Guy at the end of last year – has won a temporary residency order for sons ROCCO and DAVID to join them too.

Does anyone else think this is a little gross--even for Madonna?

...Just Tellin' Ya What I Heard

Keyshia Cole, Leona Lewis, Fergie, Ciara, Mariah Carey, Beyonce, Mary J Blige, Rihanna, Carrie Underwood, Miley Cyrus, Ashanti, Natasha Bedingfield and Nicole Scherzinger sang "Just Stand Up!"

Or maybe it was "Just Bitch Slap"?

Some other sites have posted these juicy bits under the heading, "Blind Items". Let's see if we can figure out who these Divas (hey, I'm not one of 'em...) and A-Holes are!

* Apparently this C list actor from a fairly hit television drama/action show met this C list genetically blessed actress and the C list actress is now pregnant. What makes this exciting and interesting is the fact that our C list actress’ dad already threw the actor out of the house once when he caught the couple in bed together. So, yeah, she still lives at home. Not underage or anything. Just lives at home.

*This former B list television actress who is now a C list wannabe film actress and sometime blog writer with a substance problem and has a sister who probably is not her biggest fan has made a big deal about the fact that she has a new love in her life. This new love is the singer of a band that sounds a lot like the name of a band that was really good back in the day and has the same number of letters and the same consonants at the beginning and the end. Anyway, this singer has been on tour away from his beloved but in one recent city he performed in the past few weeks he spent the entire night holding hands, and making passes at one woman. The woman asked him why he was hitting on her so much when he had our actress waiting for him. “Oh, I’m just with her because she can’t get a job to save her life and wants the publicity.” There is probably more to it than that, but the fact that he said it shows what he thinks of her at least.

*Four divas, all popular and famous in their own right. During the recent recording of a charity single, all of the performers - including Diva A and Diva B - shared dressing rooms with at least several other performers. However, Diva C and Diva D - who are both under the age of thirty - each demanded their own private dressing rooms decked out with lots of treats for them and their considerable entourages. Diva A and Diva B stepped in to talk directly to the younger Divas and to encourage them to be team players and tone down their demands. Unfortunately, their advice was met with arguing from Diva C and eyerolls from Diva D.

Brad, Angelina and Kids Fly to Japan? My Head Hurts.

The Jolie-Pitt clan arriving in Japan
Knox, still in shock that Brad is his dad

Lips, lips, LIPS! Vivienne in her mom's arms

Stop what you're doing and just imagine for a second if you will, a flight from Los Angeles to Japan--with SIX children, two of whom are six months old. Holy crap. Now, I realize these photos don't show the half-dozen nannies Brad and Angelina employ to assist with their litter of pups, but somehow I doubt those two just hand them off once they reach their seats.

Umm. No wonder Brad tried to smuggle a beer...

Sunday night Brad Pitt was seen exiting from a SAG Awards after-party, according to the NY Daily News:

“Brad took off after the awards with a bottle of beer in hand,” says a second eyewitness. “But before he could drive off with it, the beer was taken from him. He was really gracious when his ‘road soda’ was taken, though.”

Oh, Brad.

Fergie's Wedding Dress? Bleh.

Hmmm. Wow. Not that awesome.

So apparently Dolce and Gabbana designed this dress for Fergie. Meh. It's just okay. I don't care for the over-the-shoulder "isn't my ass fantastic?" pose AT ALL. And look at Josh's stupid feet...he looks like he's in junior high posing for the 9th grade dance. There's no way this photo is worthy of a magazine cover...but here I am showing it anyway. And while I don't think she should've gone with a lame prom up-do, she could have tried harder with her fried hair, don't you think?

Talk to the Ring, Bitches!!

"Hey, did everyone see my RING?"
Clench that jaw, Mami.

Oh brother. THESE two. I love how Jennifer-don't call-me-J.Lo is just parading her wedding ring around, as if THAT shows how thrilled she is to be traveling to the Mother Land with him. Jen and Skeletor flew to Puerto Rico to watch the new Governor being sworn in. I guess that's what was going on...I wasn't really paying attention.

I'm going to say it, people: A divorce will be announced in the next six months. Oh, and one more thing. Marc Anthony looks like a weasel.

Now Gurrrrls! Sam and Lindsay Love to Fight

Aren't they sweet?

You know I love me some Sam and Linds. I just hate it when they fight, though. (Sorta.) Their entire holiday season seems to have been marred with drama...a trip to the ER for poor Sam, who has to deal with Lindsay's nuttiness, airport fights, limo fights, club fights...oh, GIRLS. Let's see some make-up pictures/videos instead of all this mess? Hmmm?

Oh, Yes! St. Barts for the Holidays!

Daniel (gulp) Craig on holiday in St. Bart's

DAVE!

Daddy Dave and Harry

Giorgio Armani in St. Bart's

I just asked my husband, Stephen, "holy crap! Who isn't in St. Barts for the holidays?" He said, "us". Hmmph. I guess we are the only ones who didn't get to spend Christmas in French Indies island of St. Barts. Barbeque sauced Donatella Versace was there, as we talked about earlier, Daniel Craig, Marc Jacobs, stupidEddieMurphy, even my beloved David Letterman was spotted jogging and taking son Harry, 5, for a walk!

So. Georgio Armani? He's 74 years old! Stephen promised me he'd look that good when he's that age (which I believe!). I just told him I wouldn't look like Donatella Versace. That's the best I can promise. (Scroll down to previous post regarding the "lovely" Donatella, please.) Bleh.

Merry Christmas, Ya'll!!!! Britney's Cards Are Here!

Oh Britney Jean! What a difference a year makes!! No dyed black weave stickin' out of a pink wig, no British accent, no stinky Uggs...just these "Christmas Cards". Poor thing. Since Brit had to give dad, Jamie a raise and pay her brother $200,000 (for WHAT, I still don't understand), and pay her attorneys upwards of $1 million, she had to self-timer these "pitchers", turn 'em fancy black 'n white and take 'em down to the Walmart for printin'.

Nicely done, Brit.

Merry Christmas, Ya'll--Barack is TOPLESS!

With all this security, this pic was still snapped!

YAY!

Yeah, I know. I just wrote about Madonna being "all kinds of inappropriate" but, DAY-UMM. Our President-Elect is H.O.T. I mean, literally--he's in Hawaii for the holidays and just had to take his shirt off due to the heat. Heh.

Thank you, Mr. President-Elect, thank you very much!

Oh Great. Another Duggar Dork is Born.

The Dorkker Family

ROGERS, Ark. — An Arkansas woman has given birth to her 18th child.
Michelle Duggar delivered the baby girl by Caesarean section Thursday at Mercy Medical Center in Rogers. The baby, named Jordyn-Grace Makiya Duggar, weighed 7 pounds, 3 ounces and was 20 inches long.
"The ultimate Christmas gift from God," said Jim Bob Duggar, the father of the 18 children. "She's just absolutely beautiful, like her mom and her sisters."

"Jim Bob Duggar is 43, a year older than his wife. Their oldest child, Joshua, is 20.
The other Duggar children, in between Joshua and Jordyn-Grace, are Jana, 18; John-David, 18; Jill, 17; Jessa, 16; Jinger, 14; Joseph, 13; Josiah, 12; Joy-Anna, 11; Jeremiah, 9; Jedidiah, 9; Jason, 8; James, 7; Justin, 6; Jackson, 4; Johannah, 3; and Jennifer, 1.
"Our whole family is excited about Jordyn's addition to our family," Jim Bob Duggar said. "She's just perfect in every way." "

I'm so busy shaking my head (as in NO!) that I can hardly type. "Jinger" with a J ?? Oh man, I just caught that one. (I know that's trivial compared to the "THEY JUST HAD THEIR 18th KID" thing, but jeez--with a J.) How come she gets the stripper name and not the bible-y name? Obviously, I can't wrap my ever-lovin' brain about all this, since I'm obsessing over the name of kid #6.

Supposedly these dorks live on $5000 a month and are debt-free. Those are some mighty fine hand-me-downs they are passin' around. ANYway. I'm tryin' not to be too terribly mean. I actually feel sorry for the teenagers, especially. Do any of the girls even know who Zac Efron is? For that matter, do the boys know who (ugh) Miley Cyrus is? One of these kids, and it's probably gonna be JINGER, is going to HELLA rebel. I can't wait.

Shirtless Bungee Jumping? David Beckham, of Course!

Oh David Beckham.

Leave it to "My Loverman", David Beckham, to bungee jump--SHIRTLESS. I didn't know I could even pray for this photo!

Katherine Heigl is just like US. (Eyeroll...)

Oh brother, Heigl.

Could this photo be a little more staged? Let me tell you how I am positive this isn't candid: It's in focus; there is no one else in the photo (e.g. other photogs, her "people" trying to protect her); her stupid giant bare foot, oh so preciously sticking out of her feathery dress; and most importantly, she's trying to show us that she EATS. Everyone knows all Heigl ingests are alcohol and ciggies. If she did if fact take a bite of that Big Mac, I guarantee she puked it right up.