Tuesday, February 10, 2009

I Can't Find the Motivation to Talk About Celebrity Gossip.

Yesterday was one hell of a day. Yet another day of emotional upheaval with Hunter. He exhibited behavior yesterday that made me so white-hot angry that I just don't know where my head is going. What I mean is, I don't know how much longer--or even if--I can be supportive. Al-Anon (the support group for families who are dealing with addicts/alcoholics) talks about detachment. Clearly I'm not detached if I can still get this angry. It's weird though. It hasn't been a hysterical, screaming and yelling kind of anger. It reminded me more of Michael Corleone in The Godfather when his brother, Fredo betrayed him. My anger was calm, icy, without tears, but very direct and intense. I almost scared myself. But I don't know if it scared Hunter. I actually hope it did--but he is intent on blaming others for his issues and eff-ups.

In typical addict behavior, he likes to think that his actions "have nothing to do with his family". Oh REALLY? Why am I the first one he calls when he needs help then?

I'm still angry.

Mother fuck.


Annette said...

Just sent you a mail....

The Zimmerman Gang said...

Julia, I am thinking about you. If you ever need to talk~I am here!