Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Panic Attack? Awesome.
Yeah. So. I had a panic attack today. It started in my chest. My heart was racing--I swear I could see it pounding though my shirt like in a cartoon. Then I couldn't breathe. Then I got angry. Being angry during a panic attack isn't the best idea I found; it got in the way of trying to catch the breath that was kicked out of me. What the eff?
Oh, I don't know. Maybe the fact that I'm so angry that my 19 year old son is in rehab, a-bloody-gain. Maybe the fact that I saw my best friend Patrick--who looks completely healthy, but has a deadly disease rooting around his body. Maybe I've been trying to be so strong and badass by not shedding a tear throughout all this, that my body is trying to tell me something.
"Everything happens for a reason". DOES it?? Then explain to me why my son may never get better. Why he seems to really love having an altered state of mind through drugs. And while you're at it, tell me why the sweetest, funniest man I know has a disease at age 32 that cannot be cured.