Sunday, February 1, 2009

Michael Phelps is Screwed. **UPDATE, Ya'll - He's Super Sorry**

Lungs of the World, Michael Phelps

Phelps’ aides went into a panic over our story and offered us a raft of extraordinary incentives not to run the bong picture.

It was on November 6, weeks after his Beijing triumph, that 23-year-old Phelps surprised students at the University Of South Carolina in Columbia by showing up unannounced at a house party.

He was visiting Jordan Matthews, a girl he was secretly seeing who was a student there.

Our source revealed: “Michael came to visit Jordan but ended up just getting wasted every night."

One of the partygoers told the tabloid:

"You could tell Michael had smoked before. He grabbed the bong and a lighter and knew exactly what to do. He looked just as natural with a bong in his hands as he does swimming in the pool. He was the gold medal winner of bong hits. Michael ended up getting a little paranoid, though, because before too long he looked like he was nervous and ran out of the place.”

A law that bans athletes for four-years for taking drugs has just hit the Olympic rule book. The US Olympics Committee, USA Swimming and Phelps’ coach Bob Bowman have refused to comment. YET.

Here is King of the Butterfaces, who had nevvvver been a ladies man or the life of the party--until he became the Olympic Phenomenon in 2008 by winning 8 gold medals for the United States. This is what happens with that kind of sudden notoriety and celebrity worship: First, run to Las Vegas and start gambling by 1.) hitting the poker tables and b.) [that bit never gets old] sleeping with strippers--which could be an even bigger gamble than throwing money into the casino's pockets, but that's beside the point.

Phelps then felt the need to grace a small-ish college town with his golden presence. All the girls flocked around him and the guys allegedly (!) watched (and took photos!) of Golden Lung inhale the deepest bong hit known to mankind.

Awesome. This falls into the category of, "I just won 8 gold medals, so I can smoke weed in front of a crowd and no one will report it" dementia.


Michael Phelps has just released the following statement:

"I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment. I'm 23 years old and despite the successes I've had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again."

Isn't this the same statement he released right after getting slapped with a DUI immediately following the 2004 Olympics? Just wonderin'.

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