Thursday, January 29, 2009

Tourniquet? What's a TOURNIQUET?

Hunter at Christmas
Daddy-Brother and Baby-Nephew
(That sounds "Deliverance-y". Sorry.)

"What's a tourniquet?" Yeah. He actually said that. Along with, "I have no idea how that thing got in my pocket." And, "I thought you had to use a belt or something for stuff like that."

I've struggled with the idea of addressing this issue on the blog. But then I realized the people who are my "regulars", the ones who read me daily--not just because they Googled "Victoria Beckham's $200,000 Birkin Handbag", might be interested. Or maybe even care.

My youngest son, Hunter is in rehab for heroin abuse. Yes. The one I'm constantly promoting, whether it's for his music, his modeling, or the funny things he says; yeah, my baby. My 19 year old baby boy put a needle full of black tar heroin in his arm...over and over.
He was always beautiful, talented, funny and smart. An old soul. Hunter's kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Young, wrote on his first little report card that he was, "reserved and classy". I thought that was an odd thing to say about a five year old, but took it as a compliment.

Hunter never went through the awkward stage that most teenagers do. He was never gawky, clumsy or even struggled with bad skin. The Seattle Models Guild signed him when he was 12; his photographs appeared in a Nintendo ad campaign, wherein a cartoon character was created based on his image; he was featured in an independent film, Cthulhu when he was 15. Throughout all of this, music was the one constant in his heart. Hunter writes and performs his own music and is a self-taught guitarist. (Ugh. This sounds like either a resume or an "in memoriam".) I'm trying to describe this boy, the boy who wrote a song called, "Heroin Confessions" about a friend of his who was addicted. He sings about how "he could never dive into that". It turns out that "friend" was the one who administered that first shot of heroin into Hunter's vein. I realize it was Hunter's choice. He gave consent. I realize, too, that I want to beat that "friend" with his own limbs after I have torn them from his body.
So. Hunter called 911 on himself on Monday. Alex, Hunter's only brother, confronted him about the tourniquet that was found in his jeans. He denied, denied, denied. Alex warned him, though. If he found out that Hunter had lied, he would have no contact with him or his baby nephew, Felix. Even though I questioned Hunter and his dad did as well, we didn't pose the threat that Alex did in Hunter's life. The very idea of losing his best friend--his older brother, Alex, must've been more than he could stand.
After a brief stay at the hospital for detox, he was transferred to the County detox center. This is a facility for homeless drug addicts mostly. He was given food that was also provided to the county's jailed criminals. Luckily, Hunter's case-worker took a personal interest in him and called me to say he should be in a different type of facility and she would help in getting him placed. She did, and we are forever grateful to dear Laura.
Umm. It's hard to concentrate on THIS when The Office is on in the corner of my eye. Hey, I'm being honest. No more secrets and no more lies, OKAY?
I do try to find humor in things, after I've flipped out, gotten a migraine and told the entire family, friends and internet community about my particular issue. Did I mention that Hunter's detox and rehab has coincided to the DAY from when I was doing my own stint in rehab for anorexia last year? To the DAY?? What the goddamned hell?
I guess now I'm kinda committed to give updates. I will.
So. What's up with you guys?


EnBom89 said...

You are a very brave, loving woman. Hunter is blessed to have you as a mother, and I blessed to have you both in my life.

I admire your feat, and your son's future feat. You two have or have had problems that you both faced, and have either conquered or will conquer with time, support, and most of all love.

I feel like I am closer to you both then I truly am-- and I would love to my my thoughts reality. I look forward to spending more time around you two, and having more conversations and sharing more love.

Anonymous said...

Oh Julia so sorry to hear this. That was not someting I planned on reading...I, myself, was like, "what is that (tourniquet)?". I'll be sending prayers and healing vibes for Hunter, you, & your family. Take care and Rocky sends you a big slobbery boxer kiss.

christine said...

Stay strong Julia. He needs your love and support now, more than ever.

Annette said...

I emailed you cos i messed up my post here.....thinking of you all. XXX.

Jilly said...

I've already expressed my feelings to you in a different, stay strong sweetie. This too shall pass. (Now, how 12-step did THAT sound!) Hugz.

Michelle said...

Julia, I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm so glad his brother was able to get thru to him. He's blessed to have a family like yours who will support him thru this time. Hugs from me and slobbers from Paco. Hang in there.

DivaJulia said...

Thank you all so very much for the kind words. I wish you could know just how much it means to me...I love you all.

xoxo j

watermania said...

Julia, Thank you for telling me to view this post. I am so sorry for you, Hunter, Alex, and everyone who knows and loves him. Addiction is such an insidious and cruel evil. Those of us who have a propensity towards addiction have no chance once we cross the line and try something. Coming back from it is pure hell. It is always with you.

I pray for you and especially Hunter. He is an incredibly talented and creative person. I am so sorry he has to deal with this. His detox happened just before losing Destry. I pray Hunter finds the inner strength to fight this. He is so blessed to have a strong and loving family to support him - and not enable.

I cannot fully express how wonderful it was to hear him sing. I woke up to my husband playing Hunter's music this morning. My daughter loves track 5.

Thank you for sharing this with others. We stay quiet about things like this and others feel they are alone in their struggles. We need to pull together and support each other when difficulties like this arise. I am so glad to hear that you are healing too.

Give Hunter a hug for me and tell him how much I care for him.

Kimberly Waterman