Coachella 2009: Lots of Celebrities Trying to Look Cool

Sir Paul onstage
The hardcores NOT in the VIP Lounge

Robert Smith of The Cure

The Hoff

I swear to God I never thought I'd have David Effing-Hasselhoff in my blog, but looky who got in. Check out those get-ups. Stragecically torn holes in the jeans, is that is camo jacket? You just know that chick he's with spent thousands in Beverly Hills to get that hippy-chick look. "Oooooh, I think I'll tie a knot in my skirt!" Yeeeeesh. Dumbasses.

Jake (I'm not GAY!) and

Reese ("It's too hot to wear Spanx!")

I'm positive my grandmother, Babe,

would've looked way hotter than

Dita Von Tisse.

Brown socks, sandals and a dress.

Oh, Chloe Sevigne.

Here we go. Coachella, the awesome weekend-long music festival in Indio, California (in the scorching desert!) was a huge success. What effing recession? Seems this year's festival broke attendance records, which is awesome, if you ask me. I just have to laugh, though, at the mostly dorky "celebrities" who go to this thing and try desperately to "fit in".

These are the performers you missed, if you were not at Coachella with the heat-index in the mid-thousands:

Lineup
Friday, April 17th
Saturday, April 18th
Sunday, April 19th
A Place To Bury Strangers
Alberta Cross
Bajofondo
Beirut
Buraka Som Sistema
Cage the Elephant
Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band
Craze and Klever
Crystal Castles
Dear and the Headlights
EL gran silencio
Felix da Housecat
Franz Ferdinand
Genghis Tron
Ghostland Observatory
Girl Talk
Gui Boratto
Leonard Cohen
Los Campesinos!
M. Ward
Molotov
Morrissey
N.A.S.A.
Noah and the Whale
Patton & Rahzel
Paul McCartney
Peanut Butter Wolf
People Under the Stairs
Ryan Bingham
Silversun Pickups
Steve Aoki
Switch
The Crystal Method
The Aggrolites
The Airborne Toxic Event
The Black Keys
The Bug featuring Warrior Queen
The Courteeners
The Hold Steady
The Presets
The Ting Tings
We Are Scientists
White Lies
Amanda Palmer
Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti
Atmosphere
Band Of Horses
Billy Talent
Blitzen Trapper
Bob Mould Band
Booker T
Calexico
Cloud Cult
Crookers
Dr. Dog
Drive By Truckers
Drop The Lime
Electric Touch
Fleet Foxes
Gang Gang Dance
Glass Candy
Glasvegas
Henry Rollins - spoken word
Ida Maria
James Morrison
Jenny Lewis
Junior Boys
Liars
Mastodon
M.I.A
Michael Franti & Spearhead
MSTRKRFT
Paolo Nutini
Para One
P.O.S.
Surkin
Superchunk
The Bloody Beetroots
The Chemical Brothers (DJ Set)
The Killers
Thenewno2
Thievery Corporation
Tinariwen
TRV$DJ-AM
Turbonegro
TV On The Radio
Zane Lowe
Zizek Club
Joss Stone
Antony and the Johnsons
Brian Jonestown Massacre
Busy P.
Christopher Lawrence
Clipse
Devendra Banhart
Etienne De Crecy
Friendly Fires
Fucked Up
Groove Armada (DJ Set)
K'naan
Late of the Pier
Lupe Fiasco
Lykke Li
M.A.N.D.Y.
Marshall Barnes
Mexican Institute of Sound
My Bloody Valentine
No Age
Okkervil River
Paul Weller
Perry Farrell
Peter Bjorn and John
Plump Djs
Public Enemy
Roni Size Reprazent
Sebastien Tellier
Shepard Fairey
Supermayer
The Cure
The Gaslight Anthem
The Horrors
The Kills
The Knux
The Murder City Devils
The Night Marchers
The Orb
Themselves
Throbbing Gristle
Vivian Girls
X
Yeah Yeah Yeah's

Those are a lot of bands, and a lot of sweaty people.