Sunday, November 29, 2009

Tiger Woods UPDATE. Oh, BROTHER!

I'd actually like to see Elin's muscle.

All together now, "You spin me right round, Baby, right round..."--because here comes The Spin According to Tiger regarding the hot mess that happened early Friday night. Tiger took to his Official Website to let us all know that it ain't no big thang.

"Tiger wrote, “As you all know, I had a single-car accident earlier this week, and sustained some injuries. I have some cuts, bruising and right now I’m pretty sore. (Oh. Uh-huh.)

This situation is my fault, and it’s obviously embarrassing to my family and me. I’m human and I’m not perfect. I will certainly make sure this doesn’t happen again.” ("Hello, Zales? This is Tiger Woods...)

This is a private matter and I want to keep it that way. Although I understand there is curiosity, the many false, unfounded and malicious rumors that are currently circulating about my family and me are irresponsible.

The only person responsible for the accident is me. My wife, Elin, acted courageously (and like a wife who found out her man ALLEGEDLY hooked up with a 'ho) when she saw I was hurt (SNORT!) and in trouble. She was the first person to help me. Any other assertion is absolutely false.” (Oh. Okaaay.)

This incident has been stressful and very difficult for Elin, (you're goddamn right it has!) our family and me. I appreciate all the concern and well wishes that we have received. But, I would also ask for some understanding that my family and I deserve some privacy no matter how intrusive some people can be.”

Tiger? Come ON.

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