Lindsay? You're Lying Right This Minute.

The non-drinking, drugging and lying Lindsay Lohan.

This is awesome. Lindsay wants us to believe that she "doesn't drink, do drugs or lie", according to E! News:

On her relationship with Samantha Ronson:"They need to stop saying we're fighting. People telling lies about me to her and all this garbage. I'm really a good person and I have a good heart and just want to work
and the only reason I go to clubs is to hear Samantha spin or be normal."

On the "real" Lindsay Lohan:

"I don't drink, I don't do drugs and I don't lie. I love to act and write and be creative and I want to help people by playing characters that can send a positive message out to whomever may need it."
On why she can't get work:"If people would just leave my personal life alone--because it's really not that interesting--then I could land a great role. But all the sicko fans and the noise is so distracting."

On her dreams:

"I'd like to have my own charity, do work overseas, be in Oscar-nominated films, write movies, produce movies/shows/videos, design clothes, make music, write books, etc. It's all possible if people would just stop judging me and accusing me and making me out to be this aloof, spoiled, ungrateful and unprofessional person that I am not and could never be."

Oh, Lindsay. This is why we love you. You're actually quite self-aware in how you perceive the public veiws you and your behavior.

Oh, and your pants are on fire. (Please insert joke here:__________)