Lance Armstrong. JERK. (Allegedly.)

"Umm, yeah. A vodka tonic and a Vicodin-back, NOW."

Here's what's funny about seeing this piece on Lance Armstrong's Asshole-Like Behavior on a flight after having surgery on his collarbone: I Googled, Lance Armstrong Jerk. The articles were ENDLESS! Page upon page, article after article about Lance's jerk-like personality. So in my book, the following probably did happen, especially since it's E! reporting the story:

"After crashing during the run-up to his stunningly ambitious eighth Tour de France, Lance was on a flight from Madrid to Atlanta. And apparently the sometimes-womanizer took his self-pity out on the other passengers. Perhaps he knew how bad surgery was going to be, what with that steel plate and those 12 screws he'd just had implanted in his collarbone, which was busted in four spots?



Regardless, an A.T. reader on the flight with L.A. contacted us and described how unpleasant the 36-year-old cancer-surviving cyclist was:



"He was such an asshole," ranted our onboard babe. "He was so wasted on painkillers, and he drank a lot. It was just obnoxious."



So how much did he chug exactly? "Enough to be cut off," the witness told us. And that was in first class, where the booze flows freely until passengers usually cut themselves off, honeys.



After bitchin' for a while, Lancey, who had his arm in a sling, finally went to sleep, much to the flight attendants' and other passengers' joy."

I want pictures and a video from fellow passengers. You know where to find me.