American Idol Update: Paula's Still High, Drunk and Crazy

"Sheerioushly, you piershed my heart

with yer vulnerabbb...being vullllnerablllle..."

Is she just drunk? Is she just high? Is she just insane? Good LAWD, Paula Abdul needed to be smacked last night. Someone gave her two new words to memorize: pierce and vulnerable. Over and over, those two expressions drooled out of her pill-hole. I was actually screaming at the TV (okay, I do that a lot) and cheering on Simon when he called her "steeeyooo-pid".

Country Music Night on American Idol is never soothing in my book, so last night was one big cold, steel rod in my already throbbing left eye. Lil Rounds butchered her song and had the nerve to talk back ad nauseum to her critics. But the full-body eyeroll of the night belonged to man-kisser, Adam Lambert's "middle-eastern" influenced rendition of the Johnny Cash classic, "Ring of Fire". I'll bet there were many burning rings of fire once middle America got a load of this crap. Having said that, I think he's gonna win this year. He's got a better-than-okay voice with a fantastic range. Gayboys gots ta represent, mmmkay?




Sidebar: Adam's bio says he's 5'11". Just how wee is Seacrest?? He looks like an Italian greyhound next to Miss Lambert.