Oh, Those Poor Jackson Children...and Thank the Lord, Joe Jackson Left Out Of Will.

Paris and Prince Michael I

Prince Michael II, aka "Blanket"

Hold on to your effin' hats, ya'll. Neither Michael Jackson nor Debbie Rowe are the biological parents of Prince Michael Jackson I and Paris Jackson. Debbie underwent IVF both times. It's unknown if Prince Michael II is Michael's biological son, either. Custody lawsuits much? Oh boy. Ya'll thought the Anna Nicole situation was bad? You just wait. Michael was right when he said, "You ain't seen nothin' yet". According to The Wall Street Journal (seriously?) and TMZ (makes more sense):

"We've learned Michael Jackson was not the biological father of any of his children. And Debbie Rowe is not the biological mother of the two kids she bore for Michael. All three children were conceived in vitro -- outside the womb.

Multiple sources deeply connected to the births tell us Michael was not the sperm donor for any of his kids. Debbie's eggs were not used. She was merely the surrogate, and paid well for her services in the births of Michael Jr. and Paris.

In the case of Prince Michael II (the youngest), we're told the surrogate was never told of the identity of the "receiving parent" -- Michael Jackson. Three days after Prince was born at Grossmont Hospital in San Diego County, Jackson's lawyer came to the hospital to pick the baby up and deliver him to Michael.

We do not know if Jackson chose the sperm or egg donors or if he even knew who they were."

We can all breathe a sigh of relief that Joe (Monster) Jackson was left out of Michael's will:

:As we reported yesterday, attorney John Branca has the will and plans to file it with the court within 30 days of the singer's death. According to the will, Jackson reportedly left his estate -- estimated at $1 billion -- to his mother, three children and one or more charities.

As for why Joe was left out -- Jackson has said during his childhood his father beat him."

I'm going to have to increase my B12 and ginko biloba vitamin intake because I just I don't have the energy to listen to years of this family's legal woes. It's going to be a circus and a trainwreck all rolled into one. Get in line for your tickets, ya'll, because Joe WILL be asking for your money.