Paula Abdul will NOT be returning to "American Idol"

"Lisshen here, I worth a LOT.
FOX can just pay me in boozzzh, mmkay?"

What??? The powers that be decided to keep the sober one?? No!! Who will Simon grope without fear of a sexual harrassment lawsuit now? Oh, that's right. RYAN. But we won't be allowed to see that fun.

via the Associated Content (who??):

"...while everybody seemed to be signing new contracts, Paula Abdul seemed to be getting snubbed. Her manager said as much, publicly chiding the other side for not treating his client with more respect (read: giving her what she wanted = more money). Contract negotiations on American Idol became headline news with even the 3-year deal signed by executive producer, Ken Warwick, receiving headlines. Of course, much of it was to highlight the fact that American Idol's "nice" (read: drunk and lookin' for cute boys) judge might not return after eight years on the show."

Here's my theory: She'll get a last-minute contract giving her waaay too much money, but she'll say she "just couldn't turn her back on the kids!".

Wagers, anyone?